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joe_in_texas

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How can I convince my wife to let me watch her with another man?

I have talked with my wife about watching her with another man and she will do it for me, but she doesn't understand why I want this so bad and she really doesn't want to do it. She thinks way too much about everything around doing it and it bothers her. I just think about doing it and that is it. We already have a friend and she told him everything I want. She tells me she will not enjoy doing it and I can't understand that. Is there any way I can talk to her about this that will ease her into it and not bother her so much?

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No, there isn't really.

Can I just point out you are essentially telling a friend of yours to rape your wife?

She doesn't want to; she has a relationship with you, not your friend. She loves you, not your friend. I think the key point here is that she feels faithful; she'll hate herself if she cheats on you and, for her, that's what it will feel like.

Very few relationships are 100% satisfactory; forget this 'fetish'; would you want someone to rape her?

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I don't really think Joe wants someone to rape his wife; rather he wants his wife to have sex with another man and have her enjoy it.

Now before I go any further I think it's important to say that I don't believe in "Convincing” anyone do something like this. What you want to do is communicate, and there is a big difference. Plus I don't believe you truly can convince someone to do a threesome if they are not interested in the idea, at best you can get them to just comply with the idea which will lead to problems in the future.

Now, what you can do it talk about the situation and see if there can't be a meeting of the minds or at least a compromise. You really have to keep in mind that Society wants to call what you are proposing "Cheating” or at least very immoral. This is because most "Vanilla” people simply do not and cannot comprehend the thought process behind having you or your partner having sex outside of your marriage. This line of reasoning is further enforced by the media. Some time ago Oprah did a show titled "Secret Sex in the Suburbs”. In this episode they brought out 2 demographic groups, women who cheated on their husbands, and swingers. This tells me that someone there equated the two situations (Cheating and swinging) to somehow be similar and they are not! Cheating involves lying and deception and swinging does not. Just because they both could involve sex with people outside the marriage does not make them the same, but many people do not view it this way, and neither may your wife. She may feel that it's a form of cheating, which it is NOT.

I would sit down with her and talk to her about why you would like to do this. Many women don't understand why their husband would want to see them with another man. So what you need to do is to explain to her why this excites you and why you feel it would be healthy for your relationship. Also discuss with her the feelings that she is having about doing this. Now she has already told you that she won't enjoy it therefore, this WILL become a self fulfilling prophecy and she absolutely won't enjoy it unless she truly comes on board with the idea. Explain to her that his is not cheating, and you may want to point her to some sites which contain information on swinging and cuckoldry. (Keep in mind that most definitions of a cuckold maintain that part of the attraction for men in this lifestyle stems from the "Humiliation” of the act. I personally don't buy into that definition, I do think you can be one without the Humiliation aspect and just do it because you enjoy watching your partner with another person)

Having said all that, I do urge you to give this some further thought. As you said in your posting, "She thinks way too much about everything around doing it and it bothers her. I just think about doing it and that is it.” In this case she is probably going over the possible ramifications to these actions, and it sounds like you are not, which is BAD BAD BAD! You need to be aware that doing this could end the friendship with your friend and could end the relationship with your wife. These are real possibilities whenever you invite outside people into your sex life and need to be taken into account. Also how would you feel if she did enjoy it, I mean really enjoyed it... the best sex of her life etc... With your friend... Could be messy, are you prepared for that? These are things that many people forget to think about before going down this road.

Which brings me to my next point, I would NOT use a friend. This is just a bad idea. Things like this have the real potential to just be weird afterwards at best. If you do decide to try this, I would join a swinger's site, and look for a single male. There are plenty of good ones out there who have been validated and will be more than happy to help out while alleviating the whole weirdness and other potential downfalls for using your friend.

Bottom line.. If this is something you want, talk with her, and take it slow. Perhaps role play for a while to get her used to the idea and see if it looks like she may come around. If she doesn't and she may not, then you really need to accept that she is not into this, and not pressure her or make her feel like she has to do it. If she is going to do this, it needs to be 100% her decision.

Hope this helps at least a little!

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I'm not saying he directly wants his wife to be raped, I'm only saying that if he can't accept she's against the idea, and forces her to go through with it, then it is essentially rape.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, I'm just trying to present this from her point of view.

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I agree with the rape thing somewut, i know this is a late response but new to this site and want to read a few posts and see wuts up. If ure wife doesn't want to do it then she doesnt want to do it, its messed up to even ask a second time. Maybe you should look into why u want it so bad instead of y she doesn't, because to me i agree, i think she's wants you're marriage to be between you and her not you her and whoever else comes along.

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i like it!

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u like wut :P

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I would say, drop it and let her be.

I don't understand the forcing upon people especially when it comes onto sex. You have to understand that sex has something to do with feelings and a emotional state also.

get over it or find yourself someone else.

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What you are talking about is not uncommon. The term for it is called "Hotwifing" or making your wife a "Hotwife" (google it)

There is also a dedicated forum where you will get much more genuine responses and advice, Your Hot Wives Forum

As you can tell i know something about the subject, i too share this fantasy and am making strides to turn it into reality.

Agreed, forcing is not an option. but there are other things you can try to ease into it together.

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