photo

suna

shared this question
1 year ago

Moderators Involved

photo

Beagle

Official Representative

Activity

6
Comments
1
Views

Relates to

Share

Tags

1
votes

How to get over a fetish?

I have a strange fetish I really don't like talking about but I don't think the description is relevant for my issue here. It's a fantasy I have been masturbating over all my life but I've never had any desire to put into practice. Actually the same things that appeal me in the fatasizing are unappealing IRL.

So what is the big deal? That I can't find any other way to get physically exicted. I am single now but when I had a partner it was really awkward because he was the only one I wanted to be with, but I couldn't be turned on unless I spaced out and thought to my totally unrelated fantasy (and NO, applying the fantasy to him, even just in my head, didn't work at all). I just told him I had little experience and I was so used with my hand that I had to simulate the psychological situation, but it was quite frustrating because I couldn't properly have sex with my partner, I was using his hand to masturbate me while all the excitement came from other thoughts.

So I am not saying how I can get rid of the fetish at all, since 1. I know it's hard 2. who cares if I use it to masturbate now and then.

Just... is there a way not to be stuck? To find OTHER things I can enjoy, and that might involve a partner? I like having orgasms and I want to have a happy relationship someday, why can't I put the two things together? Please help.

Add Comment

Comments (6)

photo
2

Fantasies are great for the reason that you can do them in your head or physical if you get the chance too and noone has any right to tell you otherwise. Many fetishes are only as weird as we make them out to be though. Unless you were to say that your fetish concerns necrophilia or amputation ( I forgot the term for that at the moment), which socially would come off as psychotic or would put your health at great risk, fetishes will not be that big of a deal to a moderate amount of people, at least not ones who are able to be open minded about it. You'd be surprise how sometimes others have the same fetish and for fear of coming off as weird will not so much as dare mention it.

Regarding how you can find other things to do, the more direct way of doing that would be to experiment. Look up ideas of sexually stimulating activities and practice them,always making sure that they do not harm you of course. When you have found a list of things that you like to do alone, you can try adding a partner to it to explore further. Before engaging in any activity with a partner, its advisable that you talk it over to see how they feel about it.

photo Moderator
1

Hi, Suna, and welcome to the forums. My background is clinical psychology, so this is something I see fairly often. First of all, a fetish isn't considered a disorder unless it leads to behavior that violates the rights of others or if the person is distressed by it. I'm not hearing that you are bothered by the fetish, but that you want to be able to expand your sexual interests and arousal patterns. I'm not hearing that you necessarily want to stop the fetish, and I'm not sure there's a reason to.

If you can't get sexually aroused except with the fetish object, you're going to need more help than I can give you on an internet forum. I recommend that you think about whether this is something you're really committed to changing. If it is, you're probably going to need a sex therapist to achieve long-term change in arousal.

photo
1

The committment: I am very committed to be up to have a satisfying relationship. This means I need to be able to enjoy sex with someone at least to some extent. Which isn't possible if you only get aroused by fantasies that IRL are either impossible or unappealing and you are not even turned on by talking about. Also let me add, even if you can share being too specific is impractical because it incredibly restricts the choice. And not all your life revolves around sex you also want a partner with whom you share intetests, life projects, general compatibility etc, not one that only shares your kink and nothing else. It's not my case anyway but I wanted to make it clear. So back to your question on committment, I want to be able to have sex with someone I like and enjoy it. If it takes getting rid of the fantasies all together that is fine by me, but the final goal is not avoiding the strange fantasy but rather be able to have a satisfying personal life in the sense I've exposed. Clearer now? I hope so. ps no sex therapists where I live, that is why I ask here.

photo
2

hi suna. I'm no expert on anything but I wanna try to help you out anyone by giving you my experience. I uses to be only able to be turned on by anime porn or hentai, real men's bodies just grossed me out so of course this was a problem when I got a boyfriend. so what I used to do is try to find as soft core real porn as I could that didn't show gros details and when I was getting ready to masturbate I would watch my favourite hentai then watch the real porn, at this point I was so turned on by the hentai I could still masturbate. after doing this enough times I could watch the real porn and my mind would remember that I had been turned on while watching this, it became arousing for me. maybe you could do something similar with your fetish. think of it then when your really going watch normal porn or something normal then go at it. eventually in my theory your brain will link them and ypu should be aroused by the other thing. if that makes sense? just like it is advised that people not watch child hentai because thier brains will think of children sexually and become a danger to society. its all about tricking yourself :)

photo Moderator
1

What Tendra is describing is one of the ways of changing a person's sexual response. Some people fantasize about the fetish activity while having other intercourse. Some people condition themselves, like Tendra did, to respond to different sexual stimuli. What she is describing would be called "Classical conditioning." Some people wish to eliminate the fetish and often a procedure called "Aversive conditioning."

There is no way we're going to be able to deal with something this complex over an internet forum, especially if you're not comfortable sharing the exact fetish, and I certainly don't blame you for that.

Check out the WikiPedia article on the subject. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism

photo
1

way to make my idea sound smart. Didn't know there was a name for what I did. thanks beagle I now know.

Leave Comment

photo

Attach files...

The file must be a jpg, gif, png, bmp, ico, pdf, doc, rtf, txt, zip or rar no more than 1M