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subo9_danjenn

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New sub..how can I please my master?

Hi

I've just entered into a dom/sub relationship with a married man from another country who visits mine maybe four times a year. I've never been in this kind of relationship before and know little or nothing about it so I seem to be getting things wrong a lot. He insists I never question or challenge him on anything if this is going to work. I once asked a question that he perceived as a challenge and was punished for it with a belt. I didnt enjoy it at the time but afterwards thinking of it turns me on. I need to more about what I should and shouldn't do.

This weekend I told him I was going away overnight to see a gig and by the following afternoon, when I managed to check my email which is how we communicate daily except when he occasionally calls me (obviously I cant call him), there was an email asking where I was and that I was close to being in trouble, to send him my cell phone number. I emailed back to say I would be home in a few hours and would email him then and as I was driving with friends who don't know of this relationship I didnt send him my cell number.

When I got home there were a series of furious emails from him, telling me never to question him or have the audacity to decide whether or not I would follow his wishes, that he would have to punish me for this when he saw me (in about a month) or I would never learn. He says he loves me but I must submit to his will completely and that way paradoxically I will have more freedom than I ever had. I have just come out of a very controllong marriage.

I love him and have beeen very upset all night, not sleeping or eating, waiting to hear from him.

Can somebody help me with how I should behave in this realationship as it's all new to me? I have read about having a 'safeword' but the sex, while rough, has never gone that far yet. He says if I don't learn to obey him completely he will never train me properly. He says he loves and adores me and I feel so bad I have dissapointed him like this.

I hope someone can advise me.

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My honest answer to you on this to tell to get f**ked. Since i do not know the mean of his hostlity. Which didn't you say he was married? Oh get a life. Sounds like you need find someone to help you along with you master/sub life. Not do a complete shutdown of your life around this asshole. Now if he cannot talk you with out yelling or raising his voice. Find new new master. You are learning this must take time for you and him. Once you see where your role is then your life will be easier.

Wish you luck

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Stephen, I know you are a senior member and I respect that, but telling me to get f***** and get a life will not help me. You comment was not positive and helpful as I thought comments on these forums were supposed to be.

He may be married and in another country but he is strong enough to be in a relationship with another woman and still have me as his slave and love and protect and take care of me.

It's not like I just met him, I have known him for nearly 9 months and in that time have grown to love and respect him and he has helped me enormously. he has only asked me to be his sub in the last month and I am still learning what this relationship means. I did a lot of reading on the net last night which helped me understand better how these relationships work and what is required of both of us.

He has never shouted at me, mostly he is tender and caring. He explained why he got upset that I wasnt in contact, that he needs to know I'm ok when I'm travelling., not br left hanging wondering. He called me yesterday to make sure I was ok and not upset anymore because he loves and adores me.

I would like so much to hear from other subs out there, for them to share their experience with me, it would help me so much because I want to do this right for me and him.

Thank you.

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To any other subs out there - could you please share your experience with me?

I would love to hear from you, this is all so new to me

Thanks

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Hi, I understand that this is new, but a couple aspects of his behaviour steps outside of the dom/sub relationships that I know of: The way he called you and seemed to want control of that part of your life when you were out doing your own thing. Things vary person to person, but have you and he discussed where this is heading, what parts of your relationship will fit where? Is this purely a sexual dom/sub without aspects pervading your day to day life? Will this only apply while he is in town, or when he's far away? Will you still be his slave while in public? Would it/he prevent you from completing any of your goals?

The second thing: If I understood earlier, this relationship is kept secret from his wife? Are you okay with that? In the dom/sub relationships of my experience where the couple has other partners one of the key tenets of respect is that all parties are aware of all activities between each other. This includes when members of different pairings or groups engage in activities with one another. The basis of sub/dom is respect of all the individuals involved.

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I suggest TheBeautifulKind who frequently writes on here. She has a website,

The Beautiful Kind which is really helpful and often quite fun!

Good luck with your choices.

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Greetings.

Notice the name I gave myself on here, not referring to "Master" of any sort. A Master is only as important as his Sub. In fact, a Sub is, by nature, more important than a Master, per say.

There is a distinct difference between a Sub and a Slave. A Sub has the ability to pick and choose the time when she willingly submits herself to her Master. A Slave chooses to give up her rights as a human and be treated as a property of her Master.

It is very important, before you can please your master, that you clearly identify which one of the two best suits your style.

A Master who seeks a Slave treats his woman differently. He is more in control. The Slave gives him that right. B-D-S-M. Willingness. You have that. But the question is - how much of you do you want to be controlled? As a Sub, which you identified with at the beginning, may only be a sub when being sexually intimate, and yes, your Master has to realize that.

Look down in front of your Master. Only speak when he tells you to.

Trust your Master that he only has best intention for you.

If you have a question, always start with "Master, may I ask?" before asking.

A Master never punishes without a reason.

If your Master seeks a Slave, you will know because he will want to control every aspect of your life. A slave will welcome this openly because they give up the right to think for themselves and such. Subs may not welcome a full domination entirely.

Last, but the not the least, beware of the "wanna be's." They are Masters who only think of themselves. Masters, have a creed to go by. Respect, Trust, Reliability, Wisdom, Pleasure, Ownership and Boundaries. There is a core of creed that Masters obey as well. There will be people who are "collectors." Do not mistaken them for a Master. They just need to prove themselves to the world.

As a new Sub, know your boundaries. Trust your gut instincts, Trust your Master. If he is deserving of you, as a Sub, he will know how to treat you right.

Welcome to BDSM.

JBoy

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subo9_danjenn wrote:

To any other subs out there - could you please share your experience with me?

I would love to hear from you, this is all so new to me

Thanks

Hi there... I just wanted you to know your not alone as i am in a similar relationship. Long distance and just like you said... I want to please my Master. However, I too am a "newbie" and seem to get things wrong a lot too. It really can be heart wrenching to know we are not doing something right or have displeased. :( Anyway, I thank you for raising this question as i too need some advice it seems :)

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Subo9, The two of you need to have a long discussion concerning this type of relationship. The only way that a dom/sub, master/slave relationship works is if both partners are on the same page. The two of you need to define what kind of relationship you have. A "real" dom/sub relationship is a full time commitment giving him full control of your life. If this is the type of relationship you want he is well within his rights to dictate your availability. A "fun" dom/sub relationship is a part time arraingment pertaining mostly to sex. More of a game where you still choose the when and where the game is played. Here is where if he chooses to "punish" you for a percieved wrong, he has the control. The two of you need to define what type of relationship you have and agree on peramiters and safewords. It is true that the Master is only as good as his slave. For you and SubSB@DB, it is your Masters obligation to train you. Find out what he likes and do it. Pleasing a good Master that simple ladies. That said, Sub9, I agree with the others that you guy sounds like an asshole that wants his cake and to eat it too. You are likely going to be his pawn rather than his partner in a relationship that is absolutly based on partnership.

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That doesn't sound like a good master to me :( he sounds mean. Ive been in a sub/dom relationship for quiet some time now (im a sub) and you should have a choice and you should be aloud to have a say and be aloud to question things that you are not comfortable with or just have a question about. Especially because you are new to this. It sounds to me that he wants you to be more of a slave (do whatever he wants without any choice or hesitance) either he is confused or he is trying to trick you darling. Plus thiis man is married and he lives somewhere away... if he really wanted to control you and make himself your every living moment then he should be with you and JUST you, and maybe try to live where you live, i dont think its far you have to be his slave but he cant even commit to being only with you

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