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Sex after 75

I am a 75 yr old female and into my seond marriage, however, I am seeing my first husband who is 78 yrs old, and am very much in love with him and desire sex with him. Try as he may he has a diffucult time being able to perform. His last sex, so he says, was 8 yrs ago. He get an erection and will experience an ejaculation manually, but if he is to enter me, he just goes flat!! He says that with time it will come back. He satisfys me manually, but thats not what I want. As an aside, my current husband is 87 and has no interst in sex for over 15 yrs. How do I handle this?? I go to see my former every month during April to October, as I live in upstate NY and he lives on LI. Driving in the winter is out of the question. I know I can't be the only senior woman who desires sex at this age my gynocologist tells me, enjoy. Please advise.

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my concern is i cant condone cheating .not to say it is wrong to open your marriage if you were to convince your spouse it was needed.there is a possibility he may agree if he really has no interest in sex.remember there are many men out there who really enjoy older womwn,it is not unheard of that a 30 year old man will want to have sex with a senior citizen....its all about what turns you on.........

if your first husband is not having sex with you the way you want it....WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING IT??? if you are going to cheat regarless then make it be something you want to not ever be ashamed to go get what you want you have a right to continue with sex as you want to and shouldnt have to stop because your partner is not interested...HOWEVER i also believe that a truly reciprocal marriage where you have been a comunicative partner will withstand different sex drives and the other spouse will be likely to allow the tryst provided this is not coming as a all of a sudden thing

be sure you have discussed all wants with your husband,sometimes they just dont know you want to...typically women past menopause have less of a drive,not all but a lot,and men think they will have advances as a result do not try......if you havent had this conversation i would recommend you do so


Yes I know this is cheating, and I don't condone it either. My first husband, is my first love. We met when we were both kids, I, 14, he, 17 and we married when I was 19 we have one daughter, I had no other children. Our marriage lasted 9 yrs, my current marriage is 40 yrs old. My ex has had 2 wives in the interim yrs. He has been single for 9 yrs. I just thought the history would clear up some mistaken ideas. We both love each other and I am contented to what ever it takes for me to reach orgasm. Be it manual manipulation or oral sex. Spending time with him is vital for me. He is trying which at this time is all that can happen. But at least he does and lovingly so. That means alot to me.

Trying to explain to my husband at ths time is not an option. He does not understand my needs, we have been to a therapist and he tried to explain, but to no avail.

I thank you for your ideas and suggestions, you are right and at some point I will try to discuss this further with my husband,


i truly understand your dilemma now.....there is nothing quite like having a passive spouse who is blind to a simple plea to be loved....i find it more deplorable,than cheating since usually a cheating spouse still makes love to their wife occasionally.if his inability to understand is based on his inability to have sex then it is not as deplorable......but im so sure that even if you hadnt been able to have sex with your husband a good affectionate accepting interaction coming from him would have been all it took to keep you planted where you were.regardless,it is still a basic dishonesty here and if you have to hide who you are then you know you arent going about it the right way.hiding it takes more energy than the act you are hiding.some couples i know who are older have an open situation where she has lovers actually come to the house,but i dont suppose that one will fly well in light of his attitude towards you......dont be a slave to someone elses vision of morality.i am vehemently against cheating,i am all for preserving a marriage no matter what,but you dont need to be preached at......lets be honest here.....the grave could call you this how you want to be when it happens....unsatisfied in life,stressed with conflict,unhappy and wondering why sex came to such an abrupt end?life can also begin at 75 .never be ashamed for wanting what you want,im sure you earned the right to be ravished


thank you for your honesty and opening my eyes that no matter how it still is cheating. I guess I've been rationalizing this as "he was my first and that's that". I have to agree my first has an ax to grind with my husband blaming him for our break up, perhaps that's why he is so accessable, sort of retaliation. Didn't think about that.

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