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don_1964

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Wife's Cheating Turns Me On

A few years back my wife of almost 20 years had an affair that lasted a couple of years with a family friend. She admitted it to me after it was over and I had no clue that it was going on. At the time this was the most painful thing that I had gone through. But as the years have passed it has turned into something else. I find that I am very turned on by hearing the details of what they did. She is not wanting to do this but I have become obsessed and I think about it a lot. It is a very big turn on for me now. Is this normal?

BTW, I have no fantasies about seeing her with another man, but just hearing about her affair and the sexual details of what they did etc...

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It's definitely unusual, but I don't think it's abnormal. Obviously talking about this is painful for her, so I'm not sure it's worth the strain on your relationship to get your kicks this way.

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Me and my wife talked about my turn on and I explained what it was about the fantasy that was such a turn on for me. It wasn't that I wanted to see her with another man or anything like that. Not even that she was unfaithful, but that just hearing the details of her being such a naughty wife and hearing about it was somehow a big turn on for me. She said that it was not that it was painful to discuss it as we have discussed in length outside the bed room, but that it just wasn't a turn on for her. After our discussion she agreed to give it a try. Next time we made love she started talking, telling me what a naughty wife she had been, like it was the first time she was confessing to the affair. After a while she really started to get into it telling me in graphic detail what she did with this other man behind my back. It was very exciting hearing about my innocent wife telling me every dirty detail of her having sex with another man behind my back. When we finished we discussed how she felt and she admitted that at first it was awkward discussing such things in a sexual moment, but that as she made herself continue that she too got very turned on by this dirty talk. She even said that she would like to do this again with me as she said that to her surprise that she had become very aroused during our sex that she came several times.

She even brought up the idea of roll playing, with her making up stories similar to these. She has become very into it and we have had many conversations outside he bedroom about this. She said that she had no desire to be with anyone else and once I assured her that I had no desire to see her with anyone else she felt more comfortable playing like this.

Have any others experienced this type of play after an affair? We did some research and found several sites that described Cuckolds. In reading these I don't think that is what I am as I have absolutly no desire for her to be with anyone else, but hearing about it is a very big turn on.

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To be completely honest I think it is very strange, I would be absolutely destroyed if my significant other cheated on me. I'd never be able to sleep with her again, let alone talk about it during!

However human sexuality is a very diverse thing, and whatever happens to turn you on (as long as it is between consenting adults) is your business. If you enjoy it and she is good with it, then I wish you all the best.

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Don 1964 wrote:

Me and my wife talked about my turn on and I explained what it was about the fantasy that was such a turn on for me. It wasn't that I wanted to see her with another man or anything like that. Not even that she was unfaithful, but that just hearing the details of her being such a naughty wife and hearing about it was somehow a big turn on for me. She said that it was not that it was painful to discuss it as we have discussed in length outside the bed room, but that it just wasn't a turn on for her. After our discussion she agreed to give it a try. Next time we made love she started talking, telling me what a naughty wife she had been, like it was the first time she was confessing to the affair. After a while she really started to get into it telling me in graphic detail what she did with this other man behind my back. It was very exciting hearing about my innocent wife telling me every dirty detail of her having sex with another man behind my back. When we finished we discussed how she felt and she admitted that at first it was awkward discussing such things in a sexual moment, but that as she made herself continue that she too got very turned on by this dirty talk. She even said that she would like to do this again with me as she said that to her surprise that she had become very aroused during our sex that she came several times.

She even brought up the idea of roll playing, with her making up stories similar to these. She has become very into it and we have had many conversations outside he bedroom about this. She said that she had no desire to be with anyone else and once I assured her that I had no desire to see her with anyone else she felt more comfortable playing like this.

Have any others experienced this type of play after an affair? We did some research and found several sites that described Cuckolds. In reading these I don't think that is what I am as I have absolutly no desire for her to be with anyone else, but hearing about it is a very big turn on.

Obviously, she enjoys this and so do you. Why not continue and enjoy it? There's nothing "wrong" with it, with you or with your wife. It's just good, clean fun.

Alot of men think it's hot when their wives have sex with other men. Some men think it's hot for their wives to make up stories like this. If you both enjoy the stories and role playing, just enjoy it together.

Anything a couple can do to make their sex life more exciting and fulfilling is a good thing.

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I've found I deal with problems that I can't change in one of two ways:

1) I ignore it. If something bad happened or bothers me and there's nothing I can physically do to make it go away I simply erase it from my mind.

2) I find a way to accept it or as in this case, like it.

My last girlfriend of over 5 years had a baby when she was 16 and married at the same age, I was the second man in her life after she was divorced at 19. I truly loved her, but she never went through the running around stage and it was obvious to me that she wanted more. The first time she cheated it was like a knife wound and it hurt for a while, but then when I'd think about I would be turned on and later encouraged her to have encounters. This type of thinking was so foreign to me - my entire life just the thought of the person I was with wanting someone else was painful - that I wanted to find out the 'why' for this paradigm shift. The answer was that it's a survival instinct, an adaptation to change. I wanted to be with her because I loved her, but if she wanted other people and that hurt me then it wasn't going to work because I'd eventually jump off a bridge - so I took the hurt out of the equation and replaced it with the other extreme on some unconscious level.

Like you, it just started with descriptions but as humans we always want more, you'll get off on the stories and then it will progress.

I ended the relationship a year later because I could stay in this mind frame so long as she was honest with me, the honesty justified the relationship, but she couldn't do that and continuously lied to me. The issue I have now is that two years later I'm still stuck with this turn on to see the person I'm with have sex with someone else even though not all women are like she was. I'm working on tearing down these defenses but it's a slow process.

In the right relationship this can work but there has to be full disclosure in the relationship, complete trust and honesty. It's not the cheating that usually hurts people, it's the fact that you were lied to, insecurity, and the hypocrite in us that doesn't think the other person should have eyes for anyone but us - though as men we're always looking.

Anyways, I'm done rambling. Don't know if this gives any insight or not but it's here nonetheless.

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