Ask Dan & Jennifer

Well, the only way to do it is talking!
No 'pointing fingers' or 'throwing indirect messages'. Sit down and talk! I know you've been doing this, since you already got on doing the thee way. Maybe the reason your wife doesn't want you to do oral to him is because, uh, you're both guys? Well, I mean, talk to her and explain your situation. Tell her what you feel and the reasons you want to do it and if things are going as great as they are now, she wil understand and maybe she will let you do him sometimes. It is just all about variety: Imagine the thousand of different things a couple can do, a three way, there's millions!
I wish you good luck, my friend, and a happy sex life too. :)
-Jean.

I want to incorporate my nylon fetish (I wear them) she knows and is okay, but not when it is all of us.

She's not OK when it's all of you? Who's not OK? Does the other guy know about this fetish? Have you talked to him about it? Is he comfortable with it? She may be afraid of losing a good thing if he gets freaked out by the nylon... As with all fetishes, it should be introduce to the new person slowly, over time.

Also, I find myself wanting to do oral to him as well, which she wants no part of at all. How can I "swing" things more to my direction?

She may be a little insecure about seeing you with another man - actually about man-man sex in general. Is she OK with you touching him other ways or is it just oral? Maybe he can give her oral while you give him oral? Just thinking out loud here...

I agree that the big thing here is to talk with her to understand what makes her uncomfortable with this particular situation. Maybe you can 'ease' into it over time...