Ask Dan & Jennifer

I'd say nearly bisexual. Most bisexuals that I know of havea tendency towards acertain sex.
It may be thast you used to think you were exclusively gay, and never lost the habit.

Male bisexuals are extremely rare. Most men are physically aroused predominately by males OR females. Interestingly, this was done through a plethiesmograph, a device that measures the erection. Since you had only a limited erection with women, I would tend to think of you as "gay."

I'm not sure it's important what label you apply here. It sounds like you are definitely predominately attracted to men. Interestingly, there is growing evidence that "gay" and "straight" men's brains are structurally different. I tend to think that most men are "Either-or". Actually, most women have some physiological response to erotic pictures of both men AND women. Therefore, it's less cut and dried for women. The evidence has been that most men tend to be more aroused by one or the other.

Originally posted by: Beagle
Male bisexuals are extremely rare. Most men are physically aroused predominately by males OR females. Interestingly, this was done through a plethiesmograph, a device that measures the erection. Since you had only a limited erection with women, I would tend to think of you as "gay."

I'm not sure it's important what label you apply here. It sounds like you are definitely predominately attracted to men. Interestingly, there is growing evidence that "gay" and "straight" men's brains are structurally different. I tend to think that most men are "Either-or". Actually, most women have some physiological response to erotic pictures of both men AND women. Therefore, it's less cut and dried for women. The evidence has been that most men tend to be more aroused by one or the other.

I wasn't sure if I'm gay or not. I've never had an orgasm with a woman but a I do every time with a male. And I have feelings for my boyfriend. I've always been attracted to men. Is it something you're born with? Thanks for helping me realize that I am gay.

I'm a psychologist in the real world. The evidence is pretty clear that sexual orientation isn't a choice for men. Actually, the vast majority of gay men tend to marry and try to live "straight" lives. Often, in middle age they realize that they have been "acting." It's great that you're ahead of the game here. The evidence that a man can change his sexual orientation is very limited.

No one has ever been able to identify any life experiences that increase the probability that someone is gay or straight. The most likely explanation is that there is a difference in hormones while the fetus is in the womb. There is a wash of sexual hormones during the first trimester of pregnancy, and the current thinking is that there is something different at this point that leads to a person becoming gay or straight. Most people begin having fantasies about sex in middle childhood. Most gay men tell me that they had fantasies about guys from the very start. Your description of how your erection is different with men and women is what convinced me that your orientation is toward men. What you're describing is definitely consistent with a gay orientation.

I stay up on the research in psychology. There is emerging evidence in brain differences between gay and straight men. Notice I didn't say "abnormality;" rather differences. The brains of straight men tend to be structurally more similar to the brains of straight women than to those of straight men.

FYI, one of my gay friends says "There's no such thing as a male bisexual; just a gay guy that can't get a date." I know that's not technically true, but it does make a point.

Wikipedia actually has a well-written article on sexual orientation. You seem like an educated man, and I suspect you're someone who is going to want to learn all he can. Give it a look.

If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask. You can bet there's someone here who can answer it.

Originally posted by: Beagle
I'm a psychologist in the real world. The evidence is pretty clear that sexual orientation isn't a choice for men. Actually, the vast majority of gay men tend to marry and try to live "straight" lives. Often, in middle age they realize that they have been "acting." It's great that you're ahead of the game here. The evidence that a man can change his sexual orientation is very limited.

No one has ever been able to identify any life experiences that increase the probability that someone is gay or straight. The most likely explanation is that there is a difference in hormones while the fetus is in the womb. There is a wash of sexual hormones during the first trimester of pregnancy, and the current thinking is that there is something different at this point that leads to a person becoming gay or straight. Most people begin having fantasies about sex in middle childhood. Most gay men tell me that they had fantasies about guys from the very start. Your description of how your erection is different with men and women is what convinced me that your orientation is toward men. What you're describing is definitely consistent with a gay orientation.

I stay up on the research in psychology. There is emerging evidence in brain differences between gay and straight men. Notice I didn't say "abnormality;" rather differences. The brains of straight men tend to be structurally more similar to the brains of straight women than to those of straight men.

FYI, one of my gay friends says "There's no such thing as a male bisexual; just a gay guy that can't get a date." I know that's not technically true, but it does make a point.

Wikipedia actually has a well-written article on sexual orientation. You seem like an educated man, and I suspect you're someone who is going to want to learn all he can. Give it a look.

If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask. You can bet there's someone here who can answer it.

Yes, it's true that I've had fantasies about men from the very start. A man knows how to touch me in all the right places but a woman doesn't. When I'm with a man, I feel excited all over. But with a woman, I feel nothing. I didn't know that bisexual men are rare. Would you say that I'm definitely gay? I should come out of the closet if I am, right? Who else can I talk to on here about this? Thanks again.

I'm not sure you were ever in the closet. It sounds like you're very in-touch with yourself. Choosing to whom you reveal your sexuality is a very personal matter. Some people tell everyone, some people only tell their closest friends and family. I don't think there's any right or wrong answer. I'm a fairly private person, and I don't discuss my sexuality unless there's a reason. How you choose to express yourself is entirely your decision. There's no right or wrong answers. You do have to consider the type of community you live in and your school/workplace and what battles you're willing to fight. I live in a small city, near a small town. In the city, being gay really isn't a problem. In the small town, discrimination is pretty bad. In some areas, there is violence against openly gay men and you need to take your emotional and physical safety into consideration. You can always tell people, but you can't untell them. If you have doubt, that means it's better to wait.

You can get a lot of great information by viewing the past posts under the Gay/Lesbian forum. There are several pages of information. I'll bet a lot of your questions have already been answered. If not, you just start a thread and I'll bet someone will know the answer.

:) If anybody can help me, I'd appreciate it.

Bob here, and this is how i reply to folks that ask that same question.

Either in a dream or in the back of your mind, you will see yourself next to the person you're going to marry and spend the rest of your life with...that person will either be a male or a female.

It might take time as you're sounding a bit stressed and confused..but keep this in mind - BEING GAY IS NOT ABOUT SEX - it's about LOVE.

I'm not sure how graphic i can be on this board so i'll keep it clean ahaha..but please understand that being gay is not about where you put your genetalia - it's where you place your HEART!

Take your time and try to be honest with yourself and your feelings. If you're still really worried, i strongly suggest you think about finding a good counselor - one with experience in counseling young adults about sexual identity issues. Don't be afraid to ask a counselor their feelings about homosexuality - if they TELL you their feelings then you shoudn't go to them as counselors are required to put their personal beliefs and bias aside to help YOU help yourself.

Thanks for letting me know that I am gay. I definitely want to find love with a man. Does that make me gay?

HMS: I think that's the definition.

If, in your heart and mind you feel and know that you'll find love and happiness wiht a man - then let that be what it is - it dosn't MAKE you gay. It is part of who you are as a PERSON.

Society may lable us gay because we love a person of the same sex - but we're HUMAN BEINGS first and foremost. Never lose sight of that my friend.

Love who you are. Strive to be better. Love more. Show compassion. Hate less. Be strong. Be honest. Have HONOR....but above all..do all of this with love in your heart

Very well said. It's too easy to see only the label and not realize that there is infinitely more to a person than can be communicated by any one word.

Hey,
Great thread. I have a tendency to think there are a few more layers of complexity here. For example, I once met a man who was 62. He never ever had any interest in men. When he was 60, his daughter initiated his parents getting a divorce because she claimed he did stuff to her when she was younger. She threatened her mom to divorce him or never see her grandson again.

Two years later, he is watching regular porn, and starts to notice an attraction to guys. It's new and he starts to notice it more and investigate. He pursues the interest, and is now completely gay. But he says quite frankly that this attraction is new. He always had erections for his wife and other women. And I've met other guys like this too. It seems orientation cannot be consciously changed, but it may in fact evolve over time.

I know we were talking about physical/image attraction, but I had to add this thought in too. I've found that because "love" is multi-layered, so perhaps attraction is too. There are image-attractions to one gender or another; emotional or "being near someone" attractions to one gender or another; and mental or "conversational" attractions to one gender or another too.

Hopefully those layers will help explain some of the more interesting scenarios that pop up in life. I'm not the ph.D in the room, but I wanted to share my own thoughts.

As for me, I consider myself about 99% gay. For every 99 guys I find attractive, I meet 1 girl that I am genuinely attracted to. As for the guy that posted this, you're probably gay.

Cheers!

Folks, i really have to stress how important it is to seperate LOVE from SEX when it comes to dealing with one's orientation.

I even hate the term "Sexual Orientation" because all folks hear is the word SEX! In the context of the term, sexual is about the GENDER - but all most folks hear is sex - and when it comes to gay men most think about anal sex.

So, while we all hate labels, they exist and are used all the time so it's incumbant on us to use them carefully and correctly.

For example. I am a gay man. I now know and accept the fact that i can only find emotional, spritual, physical, sexual and complete happiness with a person of the same sex. That does NOT mean i can't or haven't had sex with both men and women - i have. (Note: I am in a 100% monogamous relationship with Albert).

Lord knows there are probably hundreds of thousands of closeted gay men living the traditional "American Family" lifestyle. House, job, 2.5 kids, dog, cat - and are sneaknig out to meet men on the side.

Living on the DL - or Down Low - is very common - especially among married white men 30-45 and single/married black men 18-35. Ironically, those are also the areas where you'll find the highest incidence of STD transmission - including HIV.

Ok, sorry, i got off on a tangent there ahahah - back to the main point!

Gay or Str8 - we're all sexual beings and so we should shy away from defining anyone (including ourselves) by what turns us on sexually. As i said in the prior email - it's about LOVE not sex.

Listen being gay is quite alright.The only thing that sticks in my head is back just a few years ago I was on a job in Alabama and I was rooming with one of my friends and we got sexually involved for several months.I had it made because his sex drive was out of this world,well one morning prior to going to work we made love in every position imaginable when finally we were in the missionary position,him deep inside of me,kissing and just enjoying some great sex together as we always did.Only this time he stopped kissing me and was just giving it to me anally,when he looked right in my eyes and said "I love you".All of a sudden I had second thoughts,you know what I mean?

Listen being gay is quite alright.The only thing that sticks in my head is back just a few years ago I was on a job in Alabama and I was rooming with one of my friends and we got sexually involved for several months.I had it made because his sex drive was out of this world,well one morning prior to going to work we made love in every position imaginable when finally we were in the missionary position,him deep inside of me,kissing and just enjoying some great sex together as we always did.Only this time he stopped kissing me and was just giving it to me anally,when he looked right in my eyes and said "I love you".All of a sudden I had second thoughts,you know what I mean?

I don't get it. What's the point?
Are you trying to say he was gay because he gave it to you anally?

No not at all,what I`m saying is I enjoyed the sex with him very much.I just was not prepared to be in love with a man no matter how much I enjoyed the sex.So I did not consider the fallout of the person I was involved with.I was being selfish as to meet my needs and not considerate of his.He may or may not be gay but I took it that he wanted more out of the relationship than I did.So when we have these desires and carry them out,then we need to consider the outcome and the feelings of the ones we get involved with.It does not matter if being gay is an issue at all.

If that is the point you're trying to make, how if this relevant to the topic of this thread?
It seems totally unrelated.
Am I missing something here?

Originally posted by: hms in Indiana
Thanks for letting me know that I am gay. I definitely want to find love with a man. Does that make me gay?

This to me applies to what he is saying,and I thought I answered as honestly as I knew how.I`m sorry if I was misleading,I was just trying to show reference that`s all.

Huh???

Stefie, what gender are you?

I am a genetic male,I just happen to be an avid crossdresser so I was only offering what experience I have encountered on this subject.I did not mean for this to get all drawn out of proportion.I only wanted to express in detail what all can be involved when making a decision based on sexual desires that may reflect on other peoples feelings.

Oh...I understand now.
If you were a woman, it wouldn't have made sense.

I was not as clear about my gender as I should have been,I will watch that in the future.I was just trying to point out that "love" defines a relationship and just because a person wants to be with a man or woman,gay or straight,the feelings must be mutual or it just won`t work.So my best advice would be to take baby steps in any relationship.

Yeah...but I think this thread is more about sexual orientation than love or relationships.

I do agree but the topic went from orientation and evolved into seeking love,would you agree with that?

No, I think it was about whether he is gay or straight. I agree with Beagle. I think you can love either gender, but you're sexually oriented toward one or the other.
No, the quote says, "being gay is not about where you put your genitalia."

Though straight men don't fantasize about male genitalia or Men's asses. If you're straight, you're probably thinking about pussy, female ass, tits, hip-to-waist ratio, pretty-hairless skin, nice hair, small frame, high voice, etc.
You probably don't fantasize about cocks, hairy asses, muscles, pecs, low voice, masculine characteristics, etc.
Though, there are many "married" men who fantasize about men while they're having sex with a female. Then, occasionally have sex with a man.
They are GAY.

Either in a dream or in the back of your mind, you will see yourself next to the person you're going to marry and spend the rest of your life with...that person will either be a male or a female.

It might take time as you're sounding a bit stressed and confused..but keep this in mind - BEING GAY IS NOT ABOUT SEX - it's about LOVE.

I'm not sure how graphic i can be on this board so i'll keep it clean ahaha..but please understand that being gay is not about where you put your genetalia - it's where you place your HEART!

The quote below was self defining to me and it`s what he said that I was referenceing to,he wants to find love with a man yet he questioned earlier whether or not he was gay.I simply replied as clear as I could that he needed to be sure of what he was seeking and that feeling had to be mutual.This would apply in any love affair,assuming that you are looking for a lifelong commitment.

Originally posted by: hms in Indiana
Thanks for letting me know that I am gay. I definitely want to find love with a man. Does that make me gay?

you are a bisexual but you like man more than women, one thing i don't understood that with men you fall out immediately but with women you have not.

Originally posted by: Beagle
Male bisexuals are extremely rare. The evidence has been that most men tend to be more aroused by one or the other.

I think the key word here is MOST. Not ALL men prefer one or the other. I, for one, am attracted to both men and women. True, I may have had more relationships with women than I have had with men, but only because up until last year I have been trying to "act" straight because of being raised to believe that male attractions to other men is wrong and not natural.
To try and convince a man who thinks they may be bisexual that there is no gray area between being gay or straight is incorrect. Nothing is ever black or white and there will always be a gray area in between.
I had a talk with my gay uncle the other day about something similar to this and he said that even though he goes only with men, there are in fact men who choose to go with men and women. These men choose to switch between relationships with men and with women. There are also men who choose to have an open relationship to where they can have both a man and a woman in their life if all parties agree to such.
I do agree that a male may be aroused more by either another male or a female, but I do not agree that being aroused more by another man makes a man straight up gay as long as they also have even the slightest attractions to women as well. In the same aspect being aroused more by a female does not make a man straight as long as they have even the slightest attractions to other men as well.
I believe there are more male bisexuals out there than what is believed because of the studies that try to disclaim the idea of a gray area between being gay and straight. It is because people focus so much on what studies supposedly prove, that maybe many male bisexuals are afraid to admit that they are indeed bisexual and not just gay or straight.

I had another discussion with my gay uncle today about this topic. He agreed that the author of this topic is gay and not bisexual because he does strictly men now. He was once married to a woman for 16 years, but when he had an experience with a man after getting a divorce, he realized he loved other men more than women so he is now gay. However, he disagrees with the fact that was brought up of male bisexuals being rare. He does not believe the study is accurate in saying that arousal toward one sex or the other makes a person out to be either gay or straight and nowhere in between. I actually believe he makes a good point when he says it is not the arousal that says what a person is, but rather what a person chooses to act upon that makes them gay,straight, or bisexual. It is very possible for even a gay man to be aroused by women as well, but if that man does anything with the woman to act upon that arousal, then they are not gay. Like me, bisexual males do have relationships with both men and with women. Just because I am aroused more by women than by men, that does not make me straight because I choose to go with men as well as women.

Being a lifelong crossdresser and having had sex with both male and female,I still look at myself as bi-sexual.I find that the male penis is a huge turn-on for me,and I always loved to give a guy a blowjob or let him insert his penis up my rectum,either way I got satisfaction in knowing I pleased him and besides I love the feel of his cum either in my mouth or up my rump.Then with women I find them so sexually gratifying and the smooth sexy feel is a huge turn-on and I enjoy satisfying her with my manhood and if it don`t cooperate then I will use a strap-on dildo to satisfy her and she will use a strap-on to satisfy me,if need be.So I no longer seek sex with a man I don`t forget how much I loved it. So my point is I may have loved sex with a man but:rolleyes: I never loved the man,but I may at times think about sucking a man while having sex with a woman,I do love women.Dang I hope this helps.

between the two of us man "there is absolutely nothing better than finding love with another man" it's SO great so don't be afraid of who you are and just be proud of it ohh and yea you are gay ;) love each moment of it i mean i do :D