Ask Dan & Jennifer

1. Ok, my question to you is do you think about her all the time?

2. Do you do things for her you wouldn't normally do for others?

3. You may not enjoy all the moments with her but, do you enjoy the special ones?

4. Would you protect her from any harm that would come to her?

Just answer these questions for me.

That warm, all's-right-with-the-world feeling you get with someone is infatuation. That's also what a lot of folks call chemistry. That's when you just click with each other.

Love with staying power has two necessary ingredients: One is chemistry, as I've described above. The second is compatibility. The sad reality is that we can have great chemistry for someone who is totally wrong for us. The chemistry is a matter of the heart, but the compatibility issue has to be addressed with our mind.

Chemistry is either there or it isn't. There are things that we can to to make it more likely, but it's largely an unconscious process. Regarding compatibility, that is required for people to be happy together. For example, if she values a nice home and cars while he values working as little as possible, they won't have a good relationship no matter what. If he's a saver and she's a spender, they won't be very happy together. if one values monogamy while one wants an open relationship, then they won't be very happy together. If he wants to be a naval officer but she wants a man home very night, they wont' be happy together.

it sounds like you guys have the chemistry, but compatibility is questionable. You're the only one who knows what you want. This is the stage in the relationship where you need to be asking "Is this really what I want?'

I guess you only want to be with her, that you like her and therefor you're getting tired. Sounds like you both have lots of problems and don't usually try to solve them. If you do believe you're in love with her I would suggest you two to spend some time apart so that you can really think about your true feelings.

Good luck ;)

Thanks for your reply dear Xero . My answers are :
1 : I don't think about her all the time, although it makes me extremely happy thinking 'bout her .
2 : I do do things for her i don't normally do for others .
3 : I enjoy ALL my moments with her .
4 : I would give all to protect her from any harm .
But let me clear the situation a bit : our major problem is that her family doesn't approve of our friendship. Her mom specially believes that all boys are the same and keeps telling her (sara) : Ben is gonna leave you soon, and its gonna be you suffering with his memories.
In fact its the very problem i refered to in my first post. She claims to be listening to me and challenging her mom, making her really tired and sad almost all the time. SO so far! : we can't go out ! we can't talk over the phone ! we even have difficulties communicating when she's home !!! PLUS : she has diabetes which makes her mom extremely sensitive 'bout her.
got your answers ? also got new questions, right ?!

have you spoken to the family yet? if her family is the center of all of your problems, than you should both talk to them and make them realize it is negatively affecting your releationship and that that will be the real cause for your gf's suffering. try to prove them that you are different from the other boys and that you really do like her and want to be with her.

thanks for your reply Beagle .
I'm happy you said that, cuz i also believe we have the chemistry thing. But thats not all i want, of course i want more. I want to have her all, no limits, no NOs ! tell me what do i do ?

Dear jo ! thanks for your care ...
First thing is that i can't imagine being without her, at all .
and next's that her family can't change. her mom specifically is too rigid to even listen to me. but i do love her, she claims to be feeling the same, and also believing my feelings ! (is she really ???!!!)

The first think I want you do do is get away from the computer and sit down with an old fashioned pen and paper and write out what you don't want in a relationship. For example, "I don't want someone who lies; I don't want someone who abuses drugs or alcohol."

Once you get that list, turn around and rewrite them in terms of positives. For example, "I want someone who is trustworthy; I want someone who takes care of their body."

When I did this exercise, I had a list of between fifteen and twenty things. Come back and tell us what you come up with. If you really do this, not just walking through the motions, it will tell you a lot. Come back when you've done this, and I'll give you the next step.

If you do this in less than several hours, you haven't done it. Be sure you aren't just unconsciously describing this girl. It needs to be the desires of your most inward being.

well, I can't tell if she really is or not. The only thing you can do about that is trust her... or not :s but I think the best thing to do at this point would be believe her... :)

as for the parents... i think the only thing that could make them think different about you is time... i'm sorry that I can't help you that much... i don't want to say the wrong thing...
i understand its hard for both of you.

I guess it may be too soon for her mother to trust you... i can only tell you to give it some time and see if her mom starts listening to you..

love is funny it can be all over the map and you never know how it got there or where it will go next.....but i think you should ask this one question of yourself.....do you LIKE her?.love is very blind,it makes you overlook a lot of things that later come back around and destroy love.like is a bit harder,but its real....many of us love people we do not like very much.love can leave very fast.....love paired with like makes cement

Thanks dear Theresa ...
but i think its a bit vague, what you're saying . i mean i've been in love before, in true love, altough i never got to tell her. and this time its kinda the same, and the difference is that i told her and had the relationship stepping forward.
If necessary, can you clear it up a bit ?

to Jo ! :
I guess you're bout right, thats what i believe too : Time'll always do it.
you have no idea how good it feels listening to you guys giving advice. Thanks...:o