Am I wrong in being irritated about this?

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 2 years ago

My best male friend and his wife set me up with a friend of theirs and told her BEFORE we met that I was very interested in a married woman and would she still be willing to go out with me. Now, this married woman they are referring to is a very, very good friend of mine who I admit, I have feelings for, which I have conveyed to them. However, I also said I am not waiting around for her and have been on dates. Let's call this married woman, "Karen". Karen and I are super close and extremely compatible. We really are best friends.

Well, this new girl who I was set up with has been distant from the git-go; never wanting to spend time with me. After several discussions with my male friend I find out his wife told NEW GIRL that I had feelings for a married woman before we even met. I was furious and still am furious. I don't see the point in telling her that. He sees nothing wrong with it. In my opinion, I never had a chance from the start.

Am I wrong with being irritated, downright mad, about this?

Mark

Replies(8)

Xero

Re: Am I wrong in being irritated about this?

2 years ago

I don't really get it.

You went out with a married women on a date. Married is that she has a husband currently?

hermasetas

I understand

2 years ago

I think I understand your issue. And I would be pretty mad too in your situation...
If the new girl knows that you have feelings for another woman then how is she going to relax on your dates? I agree that your chances were pretty bad from the start...

Beagle

Re: Am I wrong in being irritated about this?

2 years ago

I think you need to take a very critical look at who you share your business with.

scarbowl

Re: Am I wrong in being irritated about this?

2 years ago

Clearly they were showing their loyalty to their friend - the one you went out with.

That said, it would be dishonest of you to be dating someone when your feelings are directed elsewhere. I understand why you might be annoyed that they told her but you should have been "man enough" to do it yourself.

You aren't available to her emotionally as long as your feelings are towards someone else. In my opinion, you should not be dating women until you deal with this.

jesswill_..

Re: Am I wrong in being irritated about this?

2 years ago

I think you are right to be irritated. It wasn't their business to tell her that you had feelings/ a crush on someone else if you were not having a relationship with that person! You had trusted your friends with this information they should have realised it was not for sharing.

Now it is likely that they didn't realise it would be a problem so you might want to gently tell them that you thought it was inappropriate of them to tell this girl, who at the time you had never met, intimate details about your life or who you fancy and that you would be grateful if next time they'd refrain.

To be fair, if it was me, I'd be fuming! ;)

Xero

Re: Am I wrong in being irritated about this?

2 years ago

I finally looked over it again lol.

I think you have a right to be irritated, but should have been over the other woman before you went out with a new one.

nameit_da..

Re: Am I wrong in being irritated about this?

1 year ago

Originally posted by: Hermasetas
I think I understand your issue. And I would be pretty mad too in your situation...
If the new girl knows that you have feelings for another woman then how is she going to relax on your dates? I agree that your chances were pretty bad from the start...

So what you are saying is, that you don't think this New Girl has the right to know this? You think that she should just date him, have feelings for him, and accept, no not accept.. not KNOWING that he has feelings for another woman?

I agree with writer, his friend shouldn't have told so. Writer should tell her.
But that was not in your opinion to write that, Hermasetas?

grotesque..

Re: Am I wrong in being irritated about this?

1 year ago

First, your friends shouldnt have set up this blind date. They know you have an attraction to another person and should have asked you first.

Second, they violated your privacy by telling the girl your interested in another person. You didnt ask for the blind date so this information should have stayed private.

You didnt ask for the date, you didnt ask for them to try and solve your problems and give out your personal information. Yes, I would be a little cranky (not crazy cranky, but pretty darn annoyed). :mad:

Anyway, Im sure your friends meant best but they did go overboard. Careful what you tell them next time i guess. :cool:

In regards to your married friend be careful dude. Stay friends but dont cross the line. Thats asking for trouble.