Ask Dan & Jennifer

I think you've got a good start here, but you still sound too professional. Try using more relaxed language and just say it show you would say it to someone face to face.

"I see you enjoy camping. I remember once a long time ago I went on a 3 day canoing trip out to the Haliburton area. I really enjoyed it a lot! What's your favourite place to go camping?

My favourite place I've been is the mountains in Alberta. The scenery is so gorgeous! What's your favourite place you've been?" This is just an example of you you may make this sound more conversational rather than technical and impersonal.

I'd probably say "I see you like camping too. I went on a 3 day canoing trip once. We went out to the Haliburton area. It was awesome and I had so much fun! Where do you like to go camping?

I also love the mountains in Alberta. The scenery is so beautiful, especially in Autumn. Where do you like to go?" But I also know that you said you are from Canada and I'm not sure if the language nuances is the difference in our countries or if you're kind of unsure on how to talk to a potential date.

I agree with K. I think you need to try to relax and just type as if you were having a friendly, face-to-face conversation. It's almost like you are trying too hard. Again, if humor doesn't come naturally, just try to let you come through. Let them see your personality.

People tell me all the time that I write just exactly as I talk. That's what you should be going for.

Relax. Have fun with it! :p

Ok, here's the revised one then (almost identical to the one you mentioned):

Hi,

I see you enjoy camping. I remember once a long time ago, I went on a 3 day canoeing trip out to the Haliburton area. It was awesome and I had so much fun. Where do you like to go camping?

I also love the mountains in Alberta. The scenery is so beautiful, especially in summer! Where do you like to go traveling?

Hope to hear from you soon!

(my name)

***I apologize if it doesn't seem like I am taking your advice; as you may have reazlied, I am not a very creative person, hence the reason why it seems rather short.

Hey that sounds good. And you know what, sometimes short and sweet is better than trying to get too flowery and too wordy. Again, girls get a lot of messeges on these dating sites and if they see someone who writes them a book they're probably not going to read it. I think you're getting the hang of it :)

Again, I have to agree with K. I just had a guy tell me this weekend that if he gets an initial email that's novel length, he hits delete. I think that's true of some women as well. Good luck!

I hope I don't ruin this thread, but how do you think my email can be expanded, if at all, in addition to what is already there? (I feel at least the email should be a bit longer)

(and again thanks for your comments so far) :)

I would keep it relatively short and sweet. I always like to add something about animals (I have 3 cats and 3 dogs) and also something related to other interests. For instance I might ask if a guy has any tattoos and explain mine... Or I would add something about my job.. I've been a firefighter, EMT, and currently in law enforcement... and I usually would look for a guy within one or more of those... and maybe add some humor from one of those (my favorite one to firefighters is "God made cops so firefighters would have heroes..lol") but that's because a big part of who I am is my sense of humor... so that's not going to work for you.

Just add something about you that makes you special, that makes you, you! But nothing weird like "By the way, I was born with a tail," or "I have 6 toes on each foot" LOL because that might make her run. It's kind of like a resume, you want to make it short and sweet and sell all your best points... but don't write it like a resume, just write it how you talk.... Don't be afraid of using emoticons, especially if you're saying something funny, that way she knows it was a joke and not that you're being serious.

Originally posted by: lisaq
Again, I have to agree with K. I just had a guy tell me this weekend that if he gets an initial email that's novel length, he hits delete. I think that's true of some women as well. Good luck!

I guess I'm an oddball but I've yet to ever not reply to a message I receive. :p