Ask Dan & Jennifer

Watch 9 1/2 Weeks. Go to Society for Human Sexuality and check out the BDSM resources.

It starts in your own head to be honest, to be convincing at it, you need to put yourself into the kind of headspace to where you can accept this, but it can be difficult especially if you have a very solid relationship with minimal stress. I know that sounds weird, but this may be what you have to do to break the initial stress.

Think of how like method actors will put themselves totally into the role they are playing, or how a theater actor may bring up a painful memory to make themselves cry on cue. In a similar manner you will have to project the kind of attitude that he wants you to have onto him as someone deserving of it. In general a good way to start is think of him as totally unworthy of your sexual attention, that you are only using him for sexual desire, and that even then he's unable to satisfy. With each technique you can criticize it and tell him you'll have to do all the work because he isn't cutting it. Of course just spice it up with dirty talk and the "names" he may want.

This is a type of roleplay, don't consider that he's taking it literally, just as you aren't taking it literally either. It's only extreme roleplay. One of the key things to make extreme roleplay safe and enjoyable is before ever engaging in it, even in situations where you think you may never need it, come up with a safe word, something random like "Apricot" or some word you know you'd never say in a normal sexual encounter. That way if things get too awkward or go beyond your limits, you can stop, and talk through it, and come up with a solution.

Just remember that it's just play acting, and in THAT type of play acting you normally are throwing out all the rules for typical appropriate sexual conduct and pretending to be mean, rude, ungrateful, narcissistic, and even cruel. Don't worry though, it's all in fun, and while I've never myself cared to try this, I've heard among those in that lifestyle, they greatly enjoy it.

I can only speak for myself and what I would enjoy. This is a big fantasy for me as well. I have discussed this with my wife and we have experimented some with it. As to what to say or do, there was this one time that I got my wife to dominate me and unfortunately it only happened once this way as she said that she did not get turned on by it. She tied me up and made sure I could not move. She then proceeded to tell me about an affair that she had several years back. Describing in every detail what she did with this other man. How he did her and came in her. She would sit on my face and tell me to smell her and think about what she did with this other man. She then mounted me and rode me to orgasm. She then climbed up on my face and forced me to clean up my mess. Now I want to say that the actual affair when I learned of it,( she confessed it to me a couple of years after the fact) was the most painful thing in my life. But as time passed something changed and the idea of hearing the graphic details of what they did together became a huge turn on for me. I have no urge to have her be with anyone else ever again but the excitement I experienced during that dominating / abusive play was such a turn on. Like I said the act actually turned her off to talk about it. But we have many other very kinky areas of our sex play that we both enjoy.
So, assuming that your BF is not your first sex partner, you might describe sex acts with past BF's with him during this play. I would suggest that you discuss this with him first as it might be something that he would think was going too far but you never know till you discuss it, it might be the biggest turn on for him. Also, have a safe word that is not related to the sex act that he can say so that you know you need to back off some.