Ask Dan & Jennifer

My brother plays this game all of the time. It is one game that I've kept my husband away from :p

In all seriousness, though, you need to set some boundaries. From what I know, it's a very addictive game. Set some times where he IS allowed to play the game, rather than focusing on when he CAN'T play the game. For instance, if your favorite show is on Tuesday nights at 7, give him from 6-8 to play on Tuesdays. This will keep him out of your hair and give him time he needs alone.

All relationships require both parties to have some "alone" time. We all need it. This is his release and what he likes to do when he's alone. It's not fair to take it away completely. He doesn't control what you do, so you can't control what he does. Make it so that it fits in with what you will accept. If he chooses not to compromise with you, take things from there.

As far as "cheating" with other women in the game, I would have to say that I doubt that there's much real communication going on there. True WoW players are not really getting to know each other, they're just playing the game. Truly, I would be surprised to find out that people were creating meaningful relationships while playing the game. If he's talking with them outside of the game, however, you might want to talk to him about that.

Bottom line, you need to talk to him about all of this. Tell him how it makes YOU feel. Use "I" statements: "I don't like when..." "I feel hurt when..." The less you accuse him, the more he'll listen. Talk to him about your feelings.

I happen to know a little bit about this myself being an advid gamer of MMORPG's

WoW isn't by far the most addicting game out there. I'm sure you've heard of everquest and now the latest one in the past few years such as eq2, vanguard or even some of the newer ones coming out. Frankly it doesn't matter what the vice is.. the fact is online gaming is a huge and addictive past time. I've personally spent days without sleep while logged in and playing these games. It's even caused a lot of strife in my own marriage.

So what's an old fart like me to do? I love gaming and I love my wife. I simply chose my wife. My wife ultimately chose me. She has "allowed" me to play my games however... I can't just play casually. It's far to addicting and I had to just quit. While I will always love playing online games and I'm sure there will be something that I will continue to play or pick up in the future the real struggle for myself is the fact that when I play these games I become so enthralled and detached that I could validly see my wifes irritation of my addiction.

I ignored my entire family and alienated my wife, the woman I love for my game. To be blunt I had feelings and addiction to my game that were so strong I had often thought no great loss if she just left and I could play any time I wanted!

The disturbing thing is that online gaming is as much as an addiction as heroine or alcohol. So I realized this (which many don't) and just quit cold turkey. I went through some serious withdrawals to lemme tell you. However, I replaced my addiction for a few more. My wife... and making money. I've never been happier!

My wife and I are even stronger then ever before as a result and if a grumpy old man like myself can manage to kindle a fantastic relationship with my wife anyone can. But let me say this... you are in for a tough battle because much like a drug addiction he will have to quit for his own reasons and will never quit for you or someone else. That's what you have to liken it to. At least I did.

I play World of Warcraft! And you know, I've met some nice friends on there. and I have met them in real life. So, communication does happen in the game. My guy plays a lot more than I do, and he's in an uber raiding guild. I left the guild because they would never let me come on raids. I just found another guild.

I do try to set some boundaries with my guy. I"m usually okay if he warns me he's going to play for a while. When we were first dating, he would not talk to me for days because he was playing. But i was okay if he said "I'm going to work on Omens this weekend". I usually said okay and went off to do things for myself. We have a movie night or we play other games together. I would encourage you to say something like, "since you don't raid on thursdays, we should have a date night". and suggest some place you both might enjoy.

Some of the guys I play with talk about "Wife faction". That might be a good idea to put into his head! I don't know if you would want to play with him, but I do find it fun to play with my guy. I do have one jealousy, but I've known about her for years! and he's known her longer than he's known me. So, I can deal with her. ;)

I know what you are going through. And I have other couple friends that play. But usually my jealousy stemmed from being left out.

fawkse

Play the game with him or watch him, lots of girls I know enjoy and play it, so give it a go.

Whether you like it or not & choose to keep playing or not, this will probably cure you.

If you only have one PC then get him to buy you a new one, WOW is old & can run on very cheap PCs.

What I'd actually do is distract him so much with kisses, flirting, fooling around, hugs, breasts in face, etc. That he gets distracted & he'll probably put the game down for awhile to enjoy you.

Actions are more powerful than words, use you womanly charm.

improve yourself, make yourself very sexy and womanly every day. flirt with him, think of fun activities that both of you can go to, especially out doors. explain to him that video game is addicting and sitting there long can damage his back, brain,..health..etc. it's true..just be reasonable about it. try to play with him a bit...just a little bit. to show that you enjoy what he enjoys. within moderation!

I was a WOW player and I can one say yes it is an addiction. Not only is it a game that you invest alot of time in making yourself more powerful but also there are real people that you talk to on there and you are actually talking with people that have the same addiction. I introduced my gf to it before and she also got addicted. It got to the point where time together meant being in game and playing together. This is by no means the answer. Times got tight and I turned off our accounts. Now the accounts are back on. I have not been playing but she keeps asking me to. She wants an excuse to play it and it did come between us and everyone. MMO's are very addictive and they do cause problems in relationships. Alot will say let him play for a couple of hours. But people that have actually gotten into that game will know that just one dungeon can actually take 3 or 4 hours. There are some that are actually 15 hours long on that game. If he does not stop all together then he will not stop at all. 2 hours will turn to 3 then 4 then 6 so on and so forth. Be honest with him and let him know what is going on. Or do what someone else did. Make a trial account and message him in game and ask him if that is the only way you will be able to talk to him anymore. He might be shocked that it happened.

WoW isn't by far the most addicting game out there.

yea i wish.tell him how you feel.yes i do play the game and it is addicting and even if u tell him "stop playing!"no it's not gunna work but gradually set boundries but u can't be pushy. u can try 2 sexual distract him (if u want) or there is a timer u can put on the game that only lets him play for X time. but u can't rush him.

I honestly wouldn't worry about it. I play this game too, guys are guys, some guys are just really into video game and WoW is a pretty big one to get your life sucked into. Don't take it personal if he is raiding instead of being with you to talk to. Yes, be mad but I wouldn't worry about him talking to other girl players in the game, that is a joke. Just try and get him away from the game when you can and show him you have what it takes to make him want to be with you rather than play games..

By the way, check out a movie called "Second Life"... you may find it interesting.

thanks for the support everyone. i have endured this pain for over five years now. i should note to tell you all that he actually has cut back on his game time, but it's the old emtional scars that resurface when he does play.
when he was stationed overseas including his tours to iraq, he and i we using msn mesenger as our link to eachother besides the phone. i would logg on many times to see him online, but he would never talk to me. the game consumed him so much so, i developed a complex from it.
when he got leave, he would take more time in playing the game than he would with me.
when he came home for good, he was still playing. he would get so upset over his guild not letting him raid, or what ever drama that may be.
when he was raiding, other people in his guild would actually insult me verbaly through the mic connection.
i distinctly remember a female friend telling him that he needed to come back home to his german wife.
yeah, i felt like dog poo, becasue germany was his duty station.
i also should tell you that i did the game thing. i got addicted to xbox live for quite a while. i quit playing and gave up the xbox 360, because he would become very jealous when i played with other guys.
i really am not interested in wow. i hate everything about it. the game has caused me a lot of pain, no offence to any wow players.
what i would like to have is the trust and security i use to have before wow came into our lives. i want to be assured that our committment is a top priority, and not a second wind to wow.
how do i commuciate this to him without coming off as a nasty, jealous, controlling woman?

I actually understand some of what you mean of emotional scarring.

I played Everquest with my guy for a few years. Our second break up, I still claim was due to his Friend's prodding, was very hard on me. I was still in the guild and this "friend" and him would go back and forth with sexual comments all the time in guild chat. It drove me NUTS. He plays WoW with her now. And i'm actually hurt and annoyed with him. I made a Horde character and enjoyed playing her. I tried to get him to come play with me, but he kept saying "I'm not an alt guy". But low and behold one day, he makes a toon... and guess who shows up with him? his "Friend". So, i'm having issues over that right now. PLUS they are trying to beat my Hunter to 70. They just hit 50 last night and I'm 67. They way they are plowing through quests, they probably will. If i ask him about playing with me, he'll just say it's easier at 70. which I think is BS, because he hasn't played with my Priest (on Alliance side) in a long time. I left the guild I was in with him because they were assholes to me, but of course he gets royal treatment because he's uber mage and I am just a shadow priest. My current guild LOVES shadow priests, so at least they like me :) So, i'm having old pains and emotional scars showing back up recently. I'm pondering if just not playing at all would make my life any better. hah! But i'd still be ignored by him, and he'd play with her all time. He still claims nothing is going on between them, nor has it ever. But he also denies what he told me that yes, back in 2005, she was trying to steal him....

And I totally understand your guy's frustration with the guild. I signed up for raids with the last guild (one my guy is in), and they would never take me. I'd offer help with groups or quests, or ask for help, and no one would ever answer me! I don't react well to silence. A simple no would have been just fine. They would never give me feed back on how i was, what i need to work on, etc. So, they really made me mad. I tried to talk to the Guild Leader but he started claiming he was giving me feedback and advice adn what to work on.... Yeah right! So I got mad and left.

I like playing games, i really do! And I do enjoy playing games with him (unless it's Big Brain Academy and he has to beat me by like 50 points just to make himself feel good). It's just not fun to keep getting beat by so much. I can at least give him a good run for his money when we play scrabble, if I can get him to play. I am enjoying my WiiFit more :) It's more of a workout than a game!

But if he's backing off some, Fawkse, then that's cool! I have asked my guy for a date night. So, hopefully he'll follow through. I know he's working late on friday. but we may do something afterwards. Oddly, i'd be perfectly happy with dinner at the dining table and a movie at home! We haven't eaten at the table in a long time. I think we should eat at the table more.

Maybe you guys should find a nice game to play together. If you like those kinds of games (not necessarily WoW), my friend got me to start Age of Conan. isn't too bad. I'm too used to WoW and EQ controls. Or play something else together, like Scrabble! I think Scene It is fun :) If you like moves and games and stuff. An Ex and I had the Harry Potter Scene It. That was good fun, and I knew more than him! muhahaha. only because i'm a total book worm!

I'll shush up now! I need to get my mind back on work :)

:) i just wanted to post here because i know how you feel. my boyfriend use to spend all his time with me and then he got into WoW, all he talked about was raids,bosses,Fel Lotuses (ugh kept getting phone calls in the middle of the night "baby i got a Fel Lotus!") flasks (also got phone calls "baby i learnt how to make Flask of Pure Death!") so i started playing it too. he wouldnt even listen to me when i talked to him because he would only concentrate on WoW and if he calls me after work he would say "hey baby, i love you, ill call u back after my Black Temple run" he would blow me a kiss and hang up so i hated this game too and was jealous cuz he use to play with women who were same age as him and the likes. so i made a mage also :) (since he had a mage) and i beat him in EVERYTHING :) i learnt how to kill other players from him and started to beat him all the time. in raids i beat him also in damage done and the likes. i think he got mad since i was always on top and i basically just started playing and he couldnt catch up with me so he put the game aside for me.

I think maybe if u started to play an online game also (doesnt have to b WoW) and talked to other people while he played his game and such and if he started talking about WoW u would start to talk about ur game he would see more how u would feel and if he got mad at you for playing you would just say "you dont think thats how i feel baby".

Though that doesnt always work though. Other option is just let him play. let him enjoy WoW because i know a lot of people work and such and like to enjoy escape from the real world. you said he started to cut down on wow means ur his priority and he doesnt want for you guys to end. dont be too demanding and whiny and such because the guy will most likely tell his online buddies whats happening and they would just make him think that you are...i dont know...mean? :confused:

and like others said dont use ur body to make him not play and such because most likely he will just go back to gaming after u have sex with him. while he plays do what you want to do. go shoping. i know most raids happen in the evening so tell him to pick the days he wants to raid since most guilds want like 50% attendance for raids tell him to pick 3 or so days in the week that he will raid on so on other days you guys can spend time together. go see a movie, go out for dinner. show him how it was before WoW came into his life. Just dont tell him "get off the game because im jealous its taking ur time away from me" i mean u go out with friends right? you go out shopping? while its something like that for him too. its a way he relaxes :)....i think

As a WoW player myself, I know how addictive the game can be, but the trick is to make sure that Real life does take top priority over online gaming. The best way for you to talk to your husband about it would be to keep using "I" statements, not "You". Tell him how it makes you feel, how you are feeling ignored without making it sound like you are blaming him. You start with the "You" Statements, and that will put him on the defencive, and make it about 10000 times harder to get threw to him.

If you know his password, you could always strip his character naked, and camp him in a very hard place to get away from, say in the middle of the home city for a rival faction. :) Just don't sell off all his Phat Loot, that would be hitting below the belt.

Wolfie

thankyou for all the post everyone.
i wanted to let you all know that last night i finally let it go. he wanted to play, so instead of reacting as i normally would, i surrendered.
it was hard for me to go to bed and ignore the fact that he was raiding with other people, but i forced myself to trust him.
the only bad thing that happened was that he played too long and was super late in getting to bed. he was also late for work this morning, becuase he couldn't wake up!!!
hahaha,
now i know why there is one good reason for me to bitch at him for playing! at least the next time he'll listen to me when i tell him that he needs to stop playing and get some sleep! lol
it's going to take some time for me to just get over this issue, but thankyou for helping me see that it isn't as bad as i thought!