Ask Dan & Jennifer

Honestly, since he does have a child with this other woman he should be helping. But not in the capacity she is wanting help. Of course, the needs of the child need to be taken care of. You didn't mention in your post if he has to pay child support or not. If there isn't a court agreement, there needs to be one. So, that she knows how much she is getting each month and so, she can't, also, take advantage of him by getting more money than already agreed upon. Having court documents stating how much he needs to pay each month is to both of their advantages. Also, he should keep the receipts and carbon copies of checks to verify he is paying her, so that she can't come back and say he isn't paying child support. You should be happy, though, to have a man that is taking care of his responbilities. This child may not both of yours but the child is his, and of course he needs to be the man he is taking care of his responsibilities. It's rare nowadays that you hear a man like this willing to take responsibility. It would be in his best interest, though, if there are court documents stating what his monetary responsibility is, so he isn't taken advantage of. As far as the church thing since there is a child involved and. it is something that has to be taken very seriously. You two may have been dating for for a good while but with something like this you have to take your time. Because once you have more facetime with his kid you have to understand you then, also, have an emotional responsibility to that child, also. After time once you two decide to make a long-term relationship commitment, you are going to be more involved in this childs life than you think. I grew up with a step-parent myself, and let me tell you my step-mother made my sister and I know we were the step-children. We were treated very differently than my youngest sister (my father and step-mothers daughter) and it left alot of emotional scars. So, if you really are ready for all this, you need to be certain for sure. If at some point you two decide to marry, it will be more than just you and him. It will be you, him ,and his child, so there is alot at stake. This isn't something that should be taken lightly.

Thank you for replying Selena.... Yea I forgot to mention some things. They are going to court next week for custody, but he is not paying child support yet. BUT he pays for everything for his child. He pays all doctor bills, when she needs anything for the baby diapers, clothes, ect he buys it and gives it to her. She hardly puts out any money for the baby herself. What upsets me is she is asking him for money for her purposes like she has an SUV that she cant afford. He does keep all of his receipts. There child is 1 years old and he seems to like me a lot. I am glad that you said that about the church thing, because that is what I was thinking and I was in no hurry to go to his church because I will feel very out of place the first few times I go there. I guess its just the point that he doesnt even ask that makes me feel bad.

It all takes time. Don't feel bad about it just yet. You have to understand that he wants to make sure you the one for him before he makes alot of commitments. Children have very fragile emotions so he is probably making sure that you are, also, ready for that sort of commitment. Once he goes to court for custody, he will have the baby on certain days and you will both have to make this commitment to the child. you just have to make sure in your heart that you are ready for this. The child is small now but if you two are together for a long term relationship then there will be a sort of attachment to you. I hope all goes well with you. For now just try to be patient. You can't expect everything to go on your timetable.

Yes thank you, That is just what I needed to hear! Sometimes you just need to hear things from someone else. Thanks a lot.

This reminds me of my uncle. His first wife basically screwed him for child support for their two children... and HE had full custody and she didn't have custody. But she sued him for child support and basically broke him.. he had to pay for "child support" to his ex wife and then still had to support the children fully! I really hate people who do nasty things like that :(

Selena has it right. Just take your time. Things will fall into place.

I think your guy is smart for keeping receipts for when he does help her. That way he has a proof for the courts if she ever tries to contest against him in some way. I shared the story of my uncle because he carried all of the child rearing burden PLUS had topay his ex-wife for support she didn't even do. And I don't wnat to see good people be taken advantage of in an abusive way. So, just watch out for him in addition to just keeping in check everything between them, like he does with the receipts.

Thanks Jenn! That is not right how that was done to your uncle. How is that even legal? I could see if they were married him paying alimony, but child support for kids that he takes care of!!!! That is ridiculous.