Originally posted by: Anniina
HI
I have trouble coming, especially if my boyfriend sees my face. I haven't gotten an orgasm any other way than if he is behind me.I can't come from oralsex or handjob. Not even with a vibrator. And I can't masturbate if he's watching. Getting an orgasm is difficult even by masturbating but I can come when I'm alone from stimulation that's similar to what he does. So I think it's that I don't want him to see me when I come. Also I feel weird when I know he sees me. I feel like I have to look at him but that just makes it harder if I'm not with my eyes closed. I told him about that and he told me to just keep my eyes closed but I still feel the same way. What can I do? How can I feel ok about it?
First off, don't worry so much! I know it can be so so frustrating when you have trouble (or can't) orgasm, but you'll pull through it. It's very likely that the idea of being watched just keeps you pre-occupied and out of the moment. I get like this a LOT! I'm sure it's very common. For me, closing my eyes and using a vibrator usually works pretty well (though he can't even be in the room when I masturbate or it'll never work), but if that's not working for you don't panic, your problem is fixable; it's all in your head.
One thing you can try is moving slowly into face-to-face sex. For a while, try out different positions where you're completely away from each other. such as
doggy fashion, seated rear,
Reverse Cowgirl (this one's not a good one for me, but many really like it), etc. If you can't find a position you really like, or they work well but you're just ready to move on, try a few positions where you're just slightly facing away from each other, such as
spooning or
"X". Spooning is one I particularly like.
See if you can get used to seeing him, little by little.
Let yourself relax, chill out, think about what you're feeling, not what's going on around you. Focus on your body, not on him. If you have to, fantasize (there's nothing wrong with it!) about anything or anyone that turns you on. It might take time but you have to relax and not be nervous, anxious, or shy. I know it can be hard to get those little annoyances out of your head, but he's not judging you, criticizing you or your body, and you're not doing anything wrong. If you make a weird face when you cum, he's NOT going to mind! Remind yourself to relax and enjoy what's happening. Remind yourself that you're safe, beautiful, sexy, and you feel great! (and if you don't feel great, change what you're doing to fix that!)
And DON'T think you have to look at him. You don't. There's
nothing you
have to do when having sex, so do what feels right to you. Enjoy what you're feeling even if that means ignoring the entire world around you.
Good luck! I hope everything works out eventually.
~Sin
ps. I like to post questions I've answered to my blog, Sin's Secret, (completely anonymously), so if you'd prefer I didn't use yours, please let me know.
