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Dear Dan and Jennifer,
I am a 34 year old single guy. In my 20s, I had a really hard time meeting women and being confident around them. But in the past 5 years or so, I've met many people on an online dating site -- It took me a couple of years to get the hang of it and not take it too seriously, and I started having a lot of fun. Then things got a little serious and not-so-fun:
I met two girls at the same time and really hit it off with both of them. Things moved quickly (sexually) with one of them, so I pursued her and tried to forget about the other. I've been with this girl for 3 months now, and I'm feeling like I want to keep meeting new people online and continuing to enjoy and develop my new-found dating skills. I would love to keep seeing her, but less often and on a more casual level. She's 28 and had only one other boyfriend for 8 years. She really wants a committed relationship, but has been willing to give me more space when I asked for it. I've told her that I hang out with other women occasionally, but that there is nothing physical - and this is currently true.
At the same time, for the last 2 months I've been maintaining a friendship with the other girl. We were physically affectionate when we first met, but not since I started pursuing my current girlfriend. Still, I want to date her and she wants to date me. She knows about my girlfriend, but my girlfriend doesn't know about her. She's more open to casual dating relationships, but I don't want to go there with her until all is cleared up with my girlfriend.
I know I need to tell my girlfriend, but my question is this: a lot of my friends are telling me that I shouldn't date either of them, because obviously I don't feel enough affection for either one of them to completely cut the other one off. Or they say I'm just not ready for a relationship at all. Is this true? Do my feelings and wishy-washy behavior mean that I should just cut it off with both? Or is it just that I have a hard time telling girls what I really want? If I do end up dating this other girl, how can I avoid putting myself in such a difficult position again?
Thanks!
Dylan
I am a 34 year old single guy. In my 20s, I had a really hard time meeting women and being confident around them. But in the past 5 years or so, I've met many people on an online dating site -- It took me a couple of years to get the hang of it and not take it too seriously, and I started having a lot of fun. Then things got a little serious and not-so-fun:
I met two girls at the same time and really hit it off with both of them. Things moved quickly (sexually) with one of them, so I pursued her and tried to forget about the other. I've been with this girl for 3 months now, and I'm feeling like I want to keep meeting new people online and continuing to enjoy and develop my new-found dating skills. I would love to keep seeing her, but less often and on a more casual level. She's 28 and had only one other boyfriend for 8 years. She really wants a committed relationship, but has been willing to give me more space when I asked for it. I've told her that I hang out with other women occasionally, but that there is nothing physical - and this is currently true.
At the same time, for the last 2 months I've been maintaining a friendship with the other girl. We were physically affectionate when we first met, but not since I started pursuing my current girlfriend. Still, I want to date her and she wants to date me. She knows about my girlfriend, but my girlfriend doesn't know about her. She's more open to casual dating relationships, but I don't want to go there with her until all is cleared up with my girlfriend.
I know I need to tell my girlfriend, but my question is this: a lot of my friends are telling me that I shouldn't date either of them, because obviously I don't feel enough affection for either one of them to completely cut the other one off. Or they say I'm just not ready for a relationship at all. Is this true? Do my feelings and wishy-washy behavior mean that I should just cut it off with both? Or is it just that I have a hard time telling girls what I really want? If I do end up dating this other girl, how can I avoid putting myself in such a difficult position again?
Thanks!
Dylan
