Confused... He needs space...how do I make this work...

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 2 years ago

I have been seeing a guy that I went to school with years ago. We have talked online for over a year and meet up a couple of times. The reason for is he is in active duty in the army. This last time we met up, we ended up sleeping together and seemed like things were going good. The next night he asked me over and I met the family. Then he said he would like to see how things could go between us and seemed like he was falling for me and was glad that I loved his family and they liked me as well. He went back to base the next day. I tried communicating with him to keep the spark, or so I thought, I got a webcam, sent him a sexy pic, did everything I could think of to show him I cared and he was on my mind. I am even going to be near him and offered to meet up on my vacation. He never acknowledged my pics, my wanting to meet up, etc. When I would text or email he rarely, and sometimes never, responded.
I started feeling insecure, so I texted him and asked what I needed to do to make this work because I did like him. He said "I hope you can understand that I'm not really used to talking to the same person all the time...I guess I just need a little space." I responded and told him I'm trying to cause I understand that, but it's hard sometimes because I'm not used to not getting to talk to someone I care about. I said I was unsure about his feelings and what to do in this situation. He responded that with "that's why I don't know if its gonna work right now. We are so far apart and I don't know if I'm ready to commit to anyone honestly."
I think I realized that I might have messaged him too much after checking out the videos. So I emailed him and told him I understood and I will give him his space. I really hope things work out with him. I have very strong feelings and don't want to loose him over my clinginess. What can I do to make it work? I am going to give him space and wait for him to call me, but is there anything else I can do??? HELP! I don't want to be an ex, I want to be his future. Is he over me? (fyi, this guy has not had a serious relationship in a long time....and has never brought a girl home before me according to the family)

Replies(3)

Xero

Re: Confused... He needs space...how do I make this work...

2 years ago

It's probably a lot for him to do currently in his life. Just give him some time because if a girlfriend is new to him and he hasn't had one in a while then it's going to take time for him to adjust his lifestyle.

He also might have a lot of work to do depending on what he does at his job. That also could be a big stress for him. I would just give him some time and see if he wants to continue the relationship. You gave him the possibility of continuing it and it's in his hands now.

nova_danj..

Re: Confused... He needs space...how do I make this work...

2 years ago

As a former military member, I can relate to how and why this guy is feeling the way he is. Relationships with someone in the military seldom work out, or at least from my experience anyways. Those types of relationships go down the tubes really fast and once it does, it doesn't recover, or at least I haven't seen any of them recover. I'm not trying to scare you with what I'm saying but anybody who is serving is always on the move. He can get sent to the desert at any time. He can change from one base to another that's on the other side of the world. The only thing I can tell you is that if you are for real with how you feel about him, just keep waiting for him. That will show that you actually mean what you say to him. Whether that holds any value to him or not will depend on how he feels about you though.

trecia_da..

Re: Confused... He needs space...how do I make this work...

2 years ago

Originally posted by: YourEternalRest
As a former military member, I can relate to how and why this guy is feeling the way he is. Relationships with someone in the military seldom work out, or at least from my experience anyways. Those types of relationships go down the tubes really fast and once it does, it doesn't recover, or at least I haven't seen any of them recover. I'm not trying to scare you with what I'm saying but anybody who is serving is always on the move. He can get sent to the desert at any time. He can change from one base to another that's on the other side of the world. The only thing I can tell you is that if you are for real with how you feel about him, just keep waiting for him. That will show that you actually mean what you say to him. Whether that holds any value to him or not will depend on how he feels about you though.

i just wanted to thank you. I am taking it day by day and hoping for the best. I have resisted the temptation to text or email him. Today has been a hard day, cause he's still in my thoughts and heart. I'm realizing that he means so much to me and this situation is driving me crazy, but I've tried to put him out of my mind since I have no control over it. I will just wait til he comes home again or when he contacts me (which I hope is when he comes home.) God, I hope he contacts me cause I don't know what I should do if he didn't...it will be hard to move on from this. He has my heart hostage and probably is unaware of it. I hate feeling like this, but I will hope for the best. He's worth waiting for. Question, is there anything I can do to show him I still care and he's on my mind without it backfiring?