Curse or Gift?

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 2 years ago

Hello, I am currently dating someone that I truly enjoy, not only do I enjoy her but I enjoy her whole family/life she Is a wonderful person true and true. We have not had sex. That was something we both agreed not to rush into yet. We both are single parents and we also the same age, 40 now. I have a son that is 12 her daughter is 4. I truly enjoy her but I have problems when it comes to sex, first of all since my break up with my sons mother, I have not been able to finish ever, yes I can finish myself but every woman I have been with I have not been able to… in some ways it was great for the first few years, I was bragging about how long I could last, my dates were bragging about me also… it honestly was a great feeling but 11 years later I am lacking, I want to finish but never do - yeah its true and sad that in 11 years a woman has never made me finish. And oral is out of the question not even my sons mom has made me finish from oral, never once in my life have I finished solely that way…. Again it’s a wonderful thing for many of the woman I have been with but it’s a curse for me. After the break up I went wild and bedded many, many woman in the first 6 years but now, I as much as I want sex I also don’t cause of the disappointment involved in it.

My new friend, she and I are honest about lots of stuff but this is something I really don’t like to talk about cause I sound arrogant or full of myself if I start to talk about it… I am way past the bragging issue and need help I think… I perform well, or least I like to think I do… but at this point I don’t even want to perform. I am horny that’s for sure! Its not that I don’t want to have sex, I just don’t want to fake it or make up excesses about it. I have a plan that I am not going to bed this woman for a long long time not gonna even try to, but I also don’t want to scare her away, but maybe if I starve myself of it for a long long time maybe I can back on track… In those 6 years I have had all sorts of good sex, even if I never finished, and I got my kink on and found a lot about myself and my foot fetish or to be more realistic my stocking fetish… but even knowing that and even being honest to the several woman I was honest about that didn’t seem to help most of them just laughed it off, a few tried to appease me but failed cause they just didn’t understand it. I want love I want a partner to grow old with but I fear cause of these problems I will be alone.

I am so scared of having sex now that I feel incomplete, I want it I want to not only have sex with this woman I want to show her in every aspect how into her I am how she drives me mad with lust while at the same time show her that I respect and cherish her… but I cant take the questions afterward, why if you finished did nothing come out? What kinda guy are you that fakes? Am I not good enough? Are you gay? What did I do wrong? it’s the foot thing huh…. The list goes on and on they say actions are better than words but in my case words are all I have left…..and they just don’t cut it…

Any feedback would be nice thanks
Grimmancer

Replies(8)

rembrandt..

Re: Curse or Gift?

2 years ago

Could be one of several things. It could be a physical issue, psychological or even a spiritual matter. I assume that you are in reasonable health, a visit to a doctor is not out of order though - just in case.

If your body is producing the juice all that is necessary then is to have the right stimulation. That is the cold dry physical side of things. During the 6 years before you started your relationship with the woman that are you with now, did you finish sometimes or never?

Rembrandt

slittylic..

Re: Curse or Gift?

2 years ago

Sex is in the mind.
When I want to come sooner, I think of things that really turn me on.
This usually helps me to reach a climax. Also, I try to focus on the feeling. Usually, going slower allows me to feel more sensation. When I go faster, i get numb or miss feelings i would feel if I had slowed down. Everybody is different.
I have a friend who likes to have porn magazines to look at while receiving oral sex.

If you are taking antidepressants, that could be responsible.
I remember when I was taking Zoloft, i couldn't cum...or it would take really long.
I could have had a room full of Pamela Andersons, taking turns blowing me and I wouldn't have cum.
This class of drugs tends to delay orgasm.
Prozac doesn't affect me as much.

grimmancer

Re: Curse or Gift?

2 years ago

thanks for the quick responses,
I am not taking anything so its not any sort of drugs, and I know its in the mind I just dont know what it is in my mind that blocks me.
Rembrandt - No I have never finished since the break up with my sons mother and that was 11 years ago, I can finish by myself all the juices are there and in the 6 years after the break up when I went wild and bedded many many woman of all types and sorts and did in in every way possible I still never finished. In the last 5 years I have slowed down and been trying to create relationships with several woman all seem to fail and in many ways its my fault that stems from this problem. That s why in this new relationship I am not eager for sex, but I think she is beginning to wonder about me, we both agree that we would wait and that sex is not the most important thing I think that she is starting to wonder cause I am still a man and she has made a few passing comments about it...

rembrandt..

Re: Curse or Gift?

2 years ago

You may have to level with your lady soon. Here is a problem, we men folk are not nearly as subtle as the women folk. If she has made passing comments it is on her mind. It is fair, in the relationship, to talk to her. If you two were active I would recommend trying different positions. That is a slim shot though as you mentioned that you were able to finish your self.

I think that it is very significant that this issue arose right after the break up. The dissolution of a relationship can cause a great deal of psychic pain. When that pain is not faced and dealt with it can manifest in the body resulting in psycho-somatic illnesses, disfunctions, and disorders. This gets compounded when the psycho-somatic problem has a negative effect in one's personal life. Kind of a vicious circle. Some type of therapy is in order I believe.

For some reason your message has resonated with me and I spent some time yesterday thinking about it. I can see that you are distressed about this. I would be. Let me dig and see what I can find. I will get back to you today.

R

rembrandt..

Re: Curse or Gift?

2 years ago

Retarded ejaculation treatment - causes of retarded ejaculation - normal ejaculation during sex

I found this online. It is very general but could point you in the right direction. It appears that this issue is relatively common.

I wish that I could be of more assistance.

R

grimmancer

Re: Curse or Gift?

2 years ago

Thanks R I checked out the link and its interesting, I will have to read more about it but the facts and tips are helpful and I just might go to see a professional about it... I truly thank you for the help and will keep you updated

rembrandt..

Re: Curse or Gift?

2 years ago

Good luck bud, I wish there was more I could do to help out but at least we can talk about here. We can at least be a sounding board for you.

Sorry for the delay in response, we just got back in town.

R

travis.mc..

Hi Grimmancer

2 years ago

I am sorry to hear of your situation. I have to agree with Rembrandt. I have delt with similar issues and have been unable to preform period.

There are two things that I did. One was seeking therapy. I am almost 100% sure the majority of your issues are mental.

Two is why you are working with a therapist, talk with your lady friend and be honest about your situation. Let her know that you care for her and you would love to please her. In fact if you are able to orgasm by yourself try, after having sex with her and after she is fulfilled try masturbating while she is still there. Let her kiss you and caress you while you do it. maybe allowing her to help out occasionally. Try this a few times, let her see what you do to yourself to achieve ejaculation. She should be more than wiling to do whatever it takes to make sure you enjoy yourself.

I am not saying this will work. Although I have had great luck doing the same, and have not had as many issues since I have done the same. good luck, she sounds like a great girl, and I am sure as long as you are honest about the situation you will be able to work things out.

Good Luck