Desiring BDSM

in Sex and Intimacy » Sex Tips and Advice • 3 years ago

I've been asexual all of my life and even met my bf through an asexual website. I figured that was the result of my testosterone problem, but recently I've been given reason to believe its due to my frontal temporal lobe epilepsy. Now that i'm on anti-seizure medicine, I am getting a sex drive.

What concerns me though is that I'm desiring BDSM, rather than sex. I want to tie up and "hurt" my bf. Lying on top of him the other night, I even found myself adding pressure to give him pain in his penis. The last time we "dry humped" I found myself thinking "you dirty filthy fucking whore" and discovered that I was incredibly turned on by that. It wasn't that much later I began desiring tying up and whipping him.

This is not like me. I don't mind fantasizing about BDSM while I masturbate, but I know its something I would not actually enjoy in real life. But yet my desire grows, and its hard for me to not act on. Though i'm also quite certain it would be just as hard for me to act on.

I just want to get the desire to engage in BDSM in real life out of my head. I can live with normal sex desire, and could even live with having sex, but I know I cannot be happy engaging in BDSM. My mind would never be at peace if I did. Yet my body is screaming at me to do so and to do it quickly at that.

Replies(4)

wolfhowl_..

How do you know?

3 years ago

Have you Talked to your BF about your BDSM thoughts? You never know, he might be sharing them.

As for knowing that you would not enjoy the act, How do you know? I would suggest that you explore that area of your desire and find out if you would enjoy the act or not.

What ever you do, don't just repress the urge, (which seems to be what you are trying to do now), for it will find a way out in an uncontrolled way, that could hurt you and others. I'm fully off the beleafe that half of what is wrong with the world is caused by some kind of Repression.

If you want to find a way to get the BDSM out of your system, without hurting your BF, then try going to a local BDSM club, and see what they have to offer. (telling your BF where and why you are going as well)

When I was in my early 20's, I was thinking along the same lines you are now, but after I went to the BDSM club a few times, and had a session or two being tied up and having my back worked on, I couldn't imagaine leaving the BDSM behind me forever.

Accept it as part of yourself, and don't let it control you

Just my 2 Cent's.

Wolfie

dasha_dan..

Re: Desiring BDSM

3 years ago

My bf is even more asexual than I previously was and there are other reasons why I know he wouldn't like bdsm.

I know tha tbecause of the type of person I am that engaging in BDSM even once would eat me up inside forever afterwards, even if I was engaging in it with a mutually agreeing partner. i'd feel guilty about what I had done and upset about the pain I caused - and thats assuming that I'd actually be able to do it in the first place. As much as I desire whipping someone, I can't actually seeing me picking up a whip and doing it

wolfhowl_..

Re: Desiring BDSM

3 years ago

It sounds to me like there is alot of fear there, fear that your body is asking for something your mind can't handle, fear that you won't like it, even more fear that you will like it.

it seems to be putting alot of presure on yourself, and if you don't vent it off safely, it might come out in other ways, and unexcptected times, which could be very bad.

I don't have any suggestions other then the one I made above. All I can say is that you in the end are in control. find a way to release those urges safely and it would be much better in the long run. Maybe just trying some self flogging, that way, no one else is involved.

Wolfie

danandjen..

Re: Desiring BDSM

3 years ago

My first concern is the new medication. I strongly suggest you talk to your doctor and don’t make any major life changes soon after starting or changing medications. Especially what we like to refer to is ming altering medications.

After you've spoken with your doctor about your new medication and the possible side effect of new sexual desires, rather than suppress your desires, talk to your BF and explore the options that you’re both interested in, gradually. But you have to at least talk about it.

Also explore your emotions around the idea that it’s bad… Don’t just dismiss it off hand. Same for all fetishes and fantasies. You're beating yourself up for something you've never even tried. Many people are into various levels of BDSM - you don't have to physically hurt someone. For some, it's more of a mind game.

My real concern here is that i don't feel you're being honest with yourself. I might even suggest some time with a counselor to work out these issues in your head before making any drastic life changes.

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