Ask Dan & Jennifer

I think you love her, but i dont think your IN love with her.
The only thing that makes me say that is that you stated that your always afraid of her leaving you.
If your in love, then you should be confindent that she's in love with you.

It may work the same way too, she may love you, but probably feels the same way.
Good luck, and i know this isnt much of an answer, but its the best ive gotten

Originally posted by: ARCalpha
Hello,
I have a very difficult Question:
Do I Love my Girlfriend?
She is my first girlfriend, and my first sexual partner ... so am I only for this addicted to her? And the other thing is: when I see a good looking girl/woman i think: wow she is great ... but than i think: hold on i have a great girlfriend already, and i feel guilty for only looking at the other woman!
How do I know Iam really in love????

Thank you for an answer.

Sebastian
23 Years
Germany

OK, long distance can be very difficult, but if you're willing to do it you can make it work. I agree with Rspoctober in that you may not be in love with her though you love her. It can be difficult for someone who's never dated or had sex with anyone else to know the differences between love and lust. I thought I loved the first guy I had sex with, but it turned out that I just loved the sex. Sex is a powerful thing, there's a lot of chemicals that our body releases that make us feel really good... in fact, dopamine levels increase during sex, and if you don't know, that is a powerful drug! It is also involved in addictions. So it's easy to see how this sex stuff can make us believe we're in love when actually it's all neurotransmitters. I think a person knows when they are really in love.
As for seeing another girl and thinking she's pretty or sexy or whatever, that's normal. The problem is if you act on those thoughts if you're in a monogamous relationship. Even having fantasies about someone else is normal, as long as it's not to the point of exclusivity. If you don't think about your partner at all sexually, then there's a problem.
Ask yourself, "am I in love with her?" What's the first thing that pops into your head? There's you answer.

Originally posted by: K. in Cleveland
OK, long distance can be very difficult, but if you're willing to do it you can make it work. I agree with Rspoctober in that you may not be in love with her though you love her. It can be difficult for someone who's never dated or had sex with anyone else to know the differences between love and lust. I thought I loved the first guy I had sex with, but it turned out that I just loved the sex. Sex is a powerful thing, there's a lot of chemicals that our body releases that make us feel really good... in fact, dopamine levels increase during sex, and if you don't know, that is a powerful drug! It is also involved in addictions. So it's easy to see how this sex stuff can make us believe we're in love when actually it's all neurotransmitters. I think a person knows when they are really in love.
As for seeing another girl and thinking she's pretty or sexy or whatever, that's normal. The problem is if you act on those thoughts if you're in a monogamous relationship. Even having fantasies about someone else is normal, as long as it's not to the point of exclusivity. If you don't think about your partner at all sexually, then there's a problem.
Ask yourself, "am I in love with her?" What's the first thing that pops into your head? There's you answer.

I would say, Yes!
I mean ok ... we had good sex, you can say we are as shaped for each other and we have the same idea of sex, but furthermore it feels good only to be around her.
And about the fantasies ... the most fantasies (and even really impressive dreams) i have about her. But the greatest thing above all: I want to live with her, i want to share my life and i want to have a family with her. For some reasons (for example relationships in the past) she isn´t yet ready for living together with me ... but some reactions and thoughts she told me, this could change in the future not far away.
I hope the best. She changes my life in so many different and good ways, and all i want is the same for her, and that she is happy after all the bad times she had the last years ... (not to mention her sadly childhood, she saw how her mother died at the age of 4, and after that: father hat a lot of relationships, and he is not really proud of her .... and so on, hope you can imagine)
We are together now for 1,5 Years ... and still I get a warm feeling by only hearing her voice or looking to a picture of her.

Well then, there's your answer. :)

You know what ... somehow it feels better now.

Awesome! I'm glad. Sometimes just organizing your thoughts to put into a post like these can help you, then seeing that you're not the only one with your problem can help even more. And, having someone reiterate what you probably already feel can validate your feelings and make you feel much better about it. I hope you continue to feel better, and more confident in your relationship ventures. :D