Ask Dan & Jennifer

Funny coincidence, I was talking about this in a product that I am working on just the other day.

"Do you need to be the entertaining and always joking guy to get women?" NO you don't have to be that in order to get women.

I have tried many things in order to get better with women in the past. For a while there I was playing the entertainer, always joking and the life of the party kind of guy. I have to admit, it did work but it never felt congruent.

I am more of a calm, collected and relaxed type of person and the life of the party is not who I really am. At a certain point I decided to go back to who I was in the beginning. It was interesting to see that my 'success' with women actually went up.

I believed I became better at talking and attracting women because I was being more honest and upfront with them. I was no longer pretending to be someone else in order to get them to like me.

Pretending to be someone you are not in order to get something from others (women being attracted) is manipulative and needy. It tells women that you will lie to them to get what you want. I believe all of us have some level of bs detector and can tell when people aren't being honest with us. When that happens we instinctively pull away from that person.

It also sends a loud and clear message to women that you have low self esteem. It tells the woman that you feel that who you really are is not enough to get her attracted to you. You lack something or other so you need to pretend to be this entertainer just get her to like you.

While you don't need to be the entertainer guy you need to have certain things in place for you interactions to go well. Here are a few:

-sense of humor
-somewhat positive attitude
-a little bit louder voice. Not the loudest voice but a strong voice that everyone you talk to can hear you clearly
-confidence and high self esteem

Alex

I am very attracted to funny, humorous men. I married a guy who jokes even during sex. I have a huge crush on Steve Martin. But that is me, not every woman is attracted to that.
Just be yourself and you will attract women to you that like the person you are and not a person you pretend to be.

Hugs and Hissessss,
Maria

There is often something attractive about the funny entertainer guy. But I've found myself with crushes on all kinds of guys, including the super quiet ones. My boyfriend now is the quiet type, but when you are comfortable and yourself with him he is himself also. He does have a sense of humor and much of our conversation involves joking around, but it's not in that way that the most "popular" guys always seem to have. It's true that sometimes the guys who seem to always be the life of the party get more attention, but I agree with Alex that being yourself is far more important. Then the RIGHT girl is more likely to come along because what will attract her is really you.

And believe me, there are some girls who WILL be attracted to the calm, pensive type. :)

Good luck!
Sam

It's different for every type of girl. Some of the more outgoing girls will like the jokesters, while the more timid ones like the more laid back guy. However, that can also work the other way too. I'd say I am somewhere in the middle because I am a jokester, but I'm laid back, which I'm happy to say works out for me because I'm being myself all the time. :D I've been told a lot of girls at my school like me because 1.) I'm polite 2.) I'm funny 3.) I'm not loud talking and constantly cracking jokes. 4.) I am laid back and act cool under pressure.

So no, you do not have to be the loud talking jokester who practically begs for attention; instead, girls can like people like you. Crack a joke once in a while, but don't overdo it because honestly, no one likes a guy who always jokes around about everything.

Just be yourself, that's the most important thing. Acting like another person and trying to be the "attention getter" is not going to help you at all because people will wonder what has gotten into you and will make it worse for you. Good luck! :D

I have to agree with everyone else that has posted. Honesty builds a relationship, so be yourself!