Ask Dan & Jennifer

I suppose it could depend on the context, but really no, this does not count as sex. It is called "oral sex" so that could be confusing, but when someone asks you if you are a virgin they are referring to vaginal sex pretty much all the time.

I know some people who don't wish to have vaginal sex for whatever reason also don't wish to have oral sex. But as an example for you, my boyfriend and I don't feel that it would be morally right for us to have vaginal sex quite yet, but we are completely unopposed to oral sex.

But no, most people would tell you that oral sex does NOT mean you've lost your virginity. :)

-SamIAm

Yes, it counts as sex but you'd still be a virgin. Sort of like with anal sex. Technically, you are a virgin until you've had vaginal intercourse.

yes it does count as sex! But you are still a virgin.

Originally posted by: S in Cali
I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. He's told me that with one of his past partners he's had them give him a blow job. I am wondering if this counts as not being a virgin anymore? :confused:

-S in Cali

Hi S.,

I have a question for you: does it really matter? And why? Not saying it shouldn't matter to you, just asking you to take a step back and consider if it truly does matter - if it changes who he is and the relationship you have together.

To me this question is a bit like the very popular one we get from women, about their boyfriends or husbands wanting to dig information about theri previous sex partners, which inevitably leads to fights and arguments as these same husbands and bouyfriends feel inadequate and insecure and lash out, etc.

Our point there, as it is is here, he's with you now. Not with anyone else.

Now to the technicality of your question - is oral sex (a blow job) really sex? Well, that depends on how you define sex. In most cases, the strict definition expected refers strictly to vaginal intercourse, so no it would not count.

But again, what matters most is your purpose for asking, and determining if this truly matters to you, or just to someone who pressured you into wanting this.

Particularly in the very religious and traditionalist cultures today, more and more you see situations where some of the most sexually adventurous young ladies around claim the title of 'virgin' even though they've enjoyed countless sexual positions, but have stayed away from the protected vaginal intercourse position.

Unfortunately in these same cultures you see huge rates of teen pregnancy and STDs, because the emphasis is put on ignoring sexual desires instead of being informed and thus able to make smart decisions - i.e. 'http://forum.askdanandjennifer.com/topic/why-our-kids-need-honest-sex-education-not-ignorance-video' Information is power, always has been, always will be. Conversely, ignorance can kill.

So, that's a very long answer to a very simple question, but the purpose is to get you thinking about the various options. :) That's our goal, and our motto: "Question Everything".

Check out these related videos on the topic you may enjoy:

Lying Virgin - Do Hookers and Hand Jobs Count?

LIVE - Honesty About Previous Sex Partners

Sex, Religion, and Guilt... Where Will It End?

Is it Wrong to be Angry About Previous Sex Partners?

Dan

Originally posted by: S in Cali
I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. He's told me that with one of his past partners he's had them give him a blow job. I am wondering if this counts as not being a virgin anymore? :confused:

-S in Cali

I won't go into the psychology or the sociology of it. I'll just give you the cold hard clinical facts.

A blow job is another word for fellatio ending in male orgasm. It is also known as oral sex. So yes, a BJ is sex. Some people will argue this point, but those same people also use the term oral sex - end of argument.

Virginity is usually defined as meaning a person has not experienced coitus. Coitus is the sex act in which the penis enters the vagina. There used to be a term which has probably fallen out of favor: technical virgin. This would be a person who has done everything but coitus.

I recommend you buy at least one of the many well written guides to human sexuality and sex techniques that are available in stores. Also talk to a school counselor, family doctor, or go to a birth control clinic and educate yourself on birth control and prevention of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).