does "allowed" and mutual coexist?

in Sex and Intimacy » Sex Tips and Advice • 2 years ago

Last night I was making the moves on my girlfriend, and she was just lying there, not doing or saying anything. Figuring she wasn't interested, I stopped. She asked why I was stopping. I told her she wasn't doing anything. She said that if she was allowing me to do something, then she likes it. Laughing, I told her I need more than that, and we did our thing. It sorta bugged me today; when someone tells me they're allowing something that usually means that they're "granting" me something, that it's not necessarily mutual - that the implication is that I should thank my lucky stars she allows me to touch her at all. But maybe I'm just being sensitive. To compound the problem, she's a virgin and we obviously haven't had sex yet, though she has been talking about it quite a bit, telling me she wants it, etc. But she'll talk about it and get me all turned on, and then when I go for it she tells me to stop. Do I have reason to be concerned here? Am I being a chump?

Replies(3)

Beagle

Re: does "allowed" and mutual coexist?

2 years ago

The potential problem here is jumping to conclusions. Your hypothesis is one possible explanation. However, there are others. She may believe that being submissive is the way to show love. She may have been told that that's what "nice" girls do. She may be scared. She may just be inexperienced and not know what to do. She may just find doing nothing and wondering what you'll do next to be a major turn-on. You're reading meaning into her actions that may or may not be there.

I have three words of advice for you. Communication, communication, and communication. "Before, during, and after" as Dan likes to say. She is the only one who can answer what you're wondering.

This is a conversation that only you and she can have. Just be sure not to come off as accusing. Make it relaxed and playful, and I bet you'll like where it goes. One safe bet to get her more involved is a product called Honey Dust. It's a powder that you apply with a feather "duster." It is a very non-threatening way to get someone more interactive, because it can be as sexual or as "modest" as you want it to be. '

(I"m not affiliated with the company that makes Honey Dust. My girlfriend got some from a friend at a "Surprise Party" and I just really liked the experience.)

Xero

Re: does "allowed" and mutual coexist?

2 years ago

Beagle is completely correct.

I have the same issue with my girlfriend, shes a virgin as well and I'm her first boyfriend and vise versa. She doesn't really know what to do some times (haven't done anything sexual yet) but still for making out and such I still have to discuss with her why I'm not completely satisfied with everything we do.

I'm pretty sure she knows what to do and she says she is just not fully conferable with it yet because she isn't used to doing these things. She says it will all come in time though.

So like Beagle states communication is really key in this.

slittylic..

Re: does "allowed" and mutual coexist?

2 years ago

I saw an Asian video where a guy walks into a place of business, pushes a button on a remote, and everyone freezes. Then he has his way with each girl. It's actually a pretty hot fantasy to some.
If you were looking at a Penthouse magazine, imagine if the girl in the photo said, "do anything you want with me," I'm all yours.
LOL.
It wouldn't be such a bad thing.