Ex Girlfriend Wants "just friends" ???

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 2 years ago

Okay um i have no clue where to start... but i have no clue who else to ask. so...
about 9 months ago me and this girl started dating. it ended in a week or two before we had sex, everything but. She left me to go back with her kids father, but cheated on him with me off and on till february. We started hanging out on her birthday and got touchy feely cuz we were drunk, the next day we talked about the night before and she told me she just wanted to be friends... for three days...
Then we started dating again. for a few weeks. we did have sex this time around, several times a day, and it was great. Best of my life, but I think its cuz theres that feeling for her, its not just sex to me but making love. any way

Then she started cheating on me with my best friend. we broke up and they went out for a week, till she left him to go back to her sons father...

Now it's so hard for me to think about what to do... I fell in love with this girl months ago and i try so hard to turn around and run, move on, anything. I've dated other girls, i was dating her sons fathers sister for a lil while.
I sleep with a few girls trying to develop some feeling or attachment to them but i'm always thinking of her, even called a couple of the girls her name by mistake.

Now they broke up because a 3-sum they were having with her best friend went wrong and he chose her friend over her, so they broke up... Now because she cheated on her kids father with me he doesnt let her talk to me if they're together.
But a few days ago she text messages me on my phone drunk as fuck and wants me to take her home, i love the girl so i did even tho i hadn't spoken to her since she cheated on me. we've been hanging out lately and I want to get her back, more than anything. I love her son right to death and would really do like anything for them, anything to make her happy.

But she's telling me she doesnt want a boyfriend, she just wants to be friends... i cant do that. it kills me inside not being with her.
just looking into her eyes or talking to her lights up my life.

but whether she wants a boyfriend or not she's a nympho (if you couldnt tell) she's going to have sex, i tried getting into a fuck buddy relationship with her, witch she's had with other guys before i know... but is telling me she just wants to be friends.

Any advice is very helpful
I dont know what to do.
Nikolai

Replies(4)

Beagle

Re: Ex Girlfriend Wants "just friends" ???

2 years ago

This is the age-old problem in romance. You're in love, and she's wanting to play the field. She wants you to be there when she needs somebody, but play the field also. You wouldn't believe how many posts about this very thing come across these forums.

She is undoubtedly someone who is attracted to people who don't really want her.

One of the fundamental rules of existence is that we can't control other people's choices and behavior.

The first thing I want you to do is go to amazon.com or your local bookstore and get a copy of Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. What you are do is running right past the warning signs at warp drive. What you ultimately need to do is drop this girl like a bad habit. She is going to be nothing but heartache for any man who makes the mistake of falling in love with her. There is no reason it has to be you.

You need to establish your self respect and set a boundary with her. If you don't, she's going to continue to use you just like she has been doing. You love her. She doesn't love you; she's using you. I know that's harsh, but that's the situation. As long as she is in your life, she is going to cause you nothing but pain. Instead of wondering how to hang onto her, it's time to work on how to be strong enough to set a boundary with her.

slittylic..

Re: Ex Girlfriend Wants "just friends" ???

2 years ago

I've been there and made it out alive. The funny thing is, years later, i see photos of her and i would never be attracted to her. In the interim, I've gained the self-respect to be able to be happier alone than to subject myself to a woman who doesn't deserve what I have to offer.
Beagle gave great advice:

You need to establish your self respect and set a boundary with her. If you don't, she's going to continue to use you just like she has been doing. You love her. She doesn't love you; she's using you. I know that's harsh, but that's the situation. As long as she is in your life, she is going to cause you nothing but pain. Instead of wondering how to hang onto her, it's time to work on how to be strong enough to set a boundary with her.

1. He's not a friend...especially a "best friend."
2. Once a cheater always a cheater.
3. Anything said or done, when drunk, is not sincere. If she drinks on a regular basis, you will be dealing with an emotional roller-coaster.
4. Why do you want someone who doesn't want you?
5. What do you love about her? The sex.
6. Addiction is continuing to do have a compulsion or obsession to do something, regardless of the negative consequences.
7. There are a lot of "Red Flags." I would run as if she had the plague.
8. As Beagle said, it sounds like she has crossed many boundaries... You need to identify and establish them.

heartbrok..

Re: Ex Girlfriend Wants "just friends" ???

2 years ago

I completely understand.... And I'm trying real, real hard to move from her. I've asked a few girls out, been on dates. Theres just something about her.
and what I love about her?
Right before I met her by a few weeks I was in a terrible accident.... I burned my face off and was being kept alive on life support. I was dreaming of her face while dieing in the hospital bed well before I ever met this girl or even saw a picture... I thought she was an angle or something, i dont know....
She new my sister, and she showed me her pics on a "space" site about a week or two after I got out of the hospital. and I was so amazed, i was like "oh my God, who is that girl". I met her soon after and we were good friends for a while, I grew really fond of her little boy and would help take care of him. my sister and I would stay over her place alot and her and I shared her bed while my sister always was on the couch...
Then one day, she kissed me (I've never been kissed like that, it was incredible)... and at this point my face was some what healed (it looked like maybe a bad sunburn) but I still had zero feeling in my lips.
We dated for a time and at one point I got complete feeling back in my lips mid way thru a very passionate kiss with her. It was so "weird" i guess that I didnt even notice for a few seconds then was like (mouth dropped open WOW, Amazing) And had to kiss her again. we kinda had sex, i barely got in her when my sister walked in so... I stopped.

Its never been about the sex for me, she just wants to alot.

Since she's left her kids father, we've fooled around a couple times. The night I walked her home she kissed me goodnight. But the next night or maybe the day after we took a walk to a place we use to go to cuddle and well have sex sometimes but not always till we'd watch the sunrise and fall asleep in each others arms... any way we went there and talked for a a couple hours (about everything, us, her and my ex-friend, her and her sons father, everything, us being "just friends"), then did all but have sex, all I would have needed to do was put it in... I dont know why I didnt, she wanted me to, we were both sober.......

Now we hung out another time since and i was really drunk, we walked in the rain like we use to and then walked back to her place... and at one point we went to hug and she kissed me. Now i was hammered she wasn't drunk till later. we got back to her place and our friends were there we kinda hung out till i staggered home cuz i was shit-faced (pardon my french)...

We were to hang out tonight, but it got too late... so we made plans for tomorrow.

I cant stay away from this girl. I love the simplest of things about her, her smile, the way she laughs. How she makes me feel inside, even when i found out she cheated on me i was hurt but couldn't hate her.
I'm an insomniac, have been for years and when i sleep next to her whether we had sex or just lay there i have NEVER slept better in my life. Its never been like that for me with any other girl. We have ALOT in common, love the same music, food, movies, i could go on and on... it was like she is/was my best friend and well it was amazing to have her be my girlfriend.
I wanted to introduce her to my mom (whose been in the hospital 8months now because of diabetes they want to amputate one of her feet, but due to complications thru out the whole time they've yet to do that, just a bunch of other surgeries, I've only been out of the hospital just over 9 months... and haven't been able to See my mom since just talk on the phone)
And really before I knew her, or saw even a picture, before I had even heard of her I was dreaming of her while hooked to 100 different machines in the hospital keeping me alive... Why? I kinda feel like meeting her was "fate" in a sense.
Even after everything I still want her.

I am really retarded huh? This girl isn't my 1st in any area, well the 1st I didn't use a condom for...
But still, err life sucks... then you die.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm trying to do whats right :confused:

edit: did I mention that my ex-best friend, the guy she cheated on me with... has been involved with my sister for 3 years?