Ask Dan & Jennifer

Hey there!
Tough situation.

First of all, for you to be comfortable enough to flirt, you need to be comfortable with yourself. You say you're losing weight, right? Well, be comfortable with the body you're getting and that means to not get depressed if you go up some pounds (I am sure you're working for that not to happen!)

She might have a flirt personality, but what you should do is to be sincere. Ask her out to lunch, or dinner, and tell her your feelings. Be sweet! Flirt=/=Sweet. If you listen to her, show that you care, etc.etc, she will get the idea.

Any girl, please reply! :p
-Jean.

Hi Guys, Dan here.

Jean is so right on with this. Few things attract a woman more than strong inner confidence. It's like a "girl magnet" if you will.

It's not about flirting with super kung fu pick up lines, etc.... none of that stuff works in real life, at least not to get a girlfriend. If you don't believe in what you're selling: you.

It's that simple, and yes, it's also that hard. Inner self confidence unfortunately takes time and experience to build; frankly mine really came in my early twenties.

Definitely let here know you're interested, don't pretend to want to be "just friends" and that you don't like her "that way". Ultimately a girl (just like a guy) is a real person, and is also a pack animal like the rest of us guys, and she needs friends and human contact.

I like to always point out that Girlfriend = Girl + Friend. My own preference leans more toward... Girlfriend = Awesome, Hot, Strong Minded, Super Smart Girl + Best Friend, but that's me. LOL

It's not instantaneous and maybe not what you want to hear, but you'll often end up dating girls that you get to know first. And who knows, after you know them you may not even want to date them, but it usually pays to get to know them first.

Check out this 'http://forum.askdanandjennifer.com/topic/girls-how-do-i-get-confidence', the key ingredient here.

With a girl, what you believe is, matters more than what actual is.

Meaning, even if you're ugly, overweight, and generally unattractive, if you THINK you are, i.e. are quite confident, most girls will not care. Even very attractive girls. It's just a matter of being natural, calm, and exactly who and how you are with anyone else, that's confidence, and mainly what women are looking for. :)

thanks everyone for the super fast replys and to when i read the first reply i couldnt help but smile. im not a super flirt like some of her friends but the things we do is never the same thing i see anyother person do with her so i think i may have, atleast subconsciously, known that in continuation WHAT exactly IS a date? cause if it is where 2 people get together cause the like being together and talk? than im not entirely sure we arnt already dating :rolleyes: but seriously i have brought up dating but i havent told her how i feel. and im kind of scared to do so (does not mean im not going to do it because i am going to very very soon) because i have only ever told one other girl how i felt about her and she started to cry and said she was waiting on a guy who was in europe doing study abroud.

so any ideas on how would be the best way to tell her. cause i think (i think WAY too much) that just comming out and telling her would be wierd but it will NEVER com up in conversation and i dont get it

Well, I don't know how old you two are, but if your in the 16-22 age, this is a confusing time for girls when it comes to how they want to be percieved. The good news for you is you could be a good match. Reason I say that is flirty people seem to either be extremely self confident and outgoing or they are the exact opposite and use the flirting as a way to draw attention themselves which makes them feel better. You seem like a guy who is possibly a little intimidated by her outgoing personality. I agree with the last post, that if you feel good about yourself, you can do this. Just try to get her when she isn't surrounded by friends and just talk to her - get to know her a little more. You could alway break the ice by returning a few of her flirting moves - ie, pull her into your lap at a party, offer to rub her shoulders, etc. I can say from experience that coming out of your shell isn't easy; I didn't until I started hanging out with more outgoing friends when I was in my twenties. I was scared to death, but now, I'm fine.

Originally posted by: brandon444456

so any ideas on how would be the best way to tell her. cause i think (i think WAY too much) that just comming out and telling her would be wierd but it will NEVER com up in conversation and i dont get it

Well lets just put it this way. I wouldn't pull her over, tell her "we need to talk" and then spill all ur guts out to her.

Because lets face it, that could get a little messy.

If you like this girl ... then you are going to have to do one thing ... and one thing only.

Make her want you and like you in "that" way.

Now this doesn't so much come from talking. It comes through in the way you hold yourself, the vibe you give off and how you make her feel about herself.

Like dan said, this comes back to self confidence. While I can;'t go into deep detail here, all I'm saying is that you can't talk a girl into like you.

You have to show her the way.

you said that she flirts with all her friends, so try to stick out. when your around her, sure flirt, but don't make that your only hope and the only thing you do, when your around her and its just you to hanging, ask her genuine questions like how her classes are going (if your in school together) talk to her about usic and stuff and try to find a common ground to build on, because at the end of the day she's not going to remember who all flirted with her and who she flirted with, but she will remember who she had conversations worth having with...basically try to stick out in her mind