friends with benefits getting too serious

in Singles and Dating » Dating Tips and Advice • 3 years ago

I have been sleeping with this guy in a fwb fashion for about 4 months. He is a really nice guy and treats me well. There are just too many deal-breakers for me to be serious about him. But it is fun. I am afraid he is getting too attached. I am also afraid that being with him is keeping me from finding someone that I can get serious about. I know I need to break it off but the reasons, I feel, are too mean and he will want to know. I don't want to tell him it is because he has children, he is not pleasing me all the way sexually, and he just gets on my nerves. I feel awful for even feeling these things, and he is so nice, I don't want to hurt his feelings. Any thoughts?

Replies(2)

danandjen..

The longer you stay, the harder it will be when you leave

3 years ago

Ouch!!! if he's getting more attached to you, he'll keep getting more attached - the more you wait, the worse it will be.

If this makes it easier, think of "not telling him" as "leading him on", in a way it is.

It's not about giving him a logical explanation... if you just know you don't want a "relationship" then be straight up about that. Sometimes we need a reminder what the deal was, IF the understanding was of course really clear to begin with.

Even in a friends with benefits situation, we are pack animals and tend to get attached, it's only human and natural. And as long as you're with the not-really-a-relationship guy, you're making yourself unavailable to the possibility for a real relationship.

But the longer you stay with him, the hard it's going to be to separate later.

lisaq_dan..

Re: friends with benefits getting too serious

3 years ago

Yep. Dan & Jenn are right. If you aren't breaking it off, he is assuming it will continue. Not really fair to either of you.

And, trust me, you are sabotaging any chance of finding the right someone for you. Been there, done that, could have sold the frickin' T-shirt!

You really owe it to him, and to yourself, to end it. His attachment is not going to lessen and yours is not going to increase. Why prolong it? If it seems difficult now, imagine how much more difficult it will be in a few months?