"Friends With Benefits"-Is it possible to take it to the next level?

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 3 years ago

Hi,
I am in a "Friends with Benefits" relationship which has been going on for 3 and 1/2 years. I am a female in my late 40's, and he is in his early 50's. He really is a nice guy, and says I am his best friend. He recently told me he doesn't want daily social contact. (I had been contacting him almost everyday by texting, calling, or e-mail. I have cut down on all that considerably. When we do chat, we have good conversations, but he aways tells me I want more than he can give me or wants to give me. The intimacy is great, but pretty much when he wants it. I don't mind that at all, because he is very passionate. I want to be more than that-is there something I can do/say so that he can see me more than just a "benefit"? I will take any advice that will help me with this dilemma. I don't want to lose him as a friend.

Replies(2)

lisaq_dan..

Re: "Friends With Benefits"-Is it possible to take it to the next level?

3 years ago

I'm afraid he's already given you the answer to your question. Once this kind of relationship has been established, they rarely progress to anything more. You've set a pattern of letting him have his cake and eat it too. Besides which, if he had wanted more in 3 and 1/2 years, he'd have let you know.

Seems to me you have 2 options here.

One, continue as you have been with no expectations of more. I can tell you from personal experience, that this can be very difficult to do. It's very easy for us women to read something into those intimate moments where nothing exists.

Or, two, cut off contact because the friendship will be very difficult to maintain if you take away the sex. It can also be difficult to resist if you have taken away the sex and he tries to go back to the way things were before.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to give you more positive advice here but the truth is that these things rarely, if ever, develop into more especially in a situation where he's told you he doesn't want more. You can't say or do anything to make him change his mind if he's not feeling it.

sexisgood..

He should thank you for all the free sex.

3 years ago

This is society today. Women giving men sex for free. They give the man free sex. Then they want him to buy the cow. You want a man intelligent. You want him to have brains, but the facts are if he buys the cow after getting the free milk he;s dumb. I married a coke whore. She was doing coke when I met her. I told her several times it was over this isn't what I want. I told her I'm not marrying a coke whore with two kids. She wouldn't leave me alone. We got married and had two kids. We split up. She went out and screwed men. One guy who acted so nice got to bang her. Then she wanted him to take her out to dinner. He wasn't going to buy the cow. I got a good laugh at this one. I thought about it. This guy got some free sex from the cow I paid for.
We used to live in a more decent world. A world not controlled by bankers and media. There was a time when a man married a virgin. Today you're lucky if you're number 50. It all started with WWII when women had to go to work. Women working means they started screwing around. Then came Peyton Place and the filth on tv. Women started to screw around big time. This was all planned. Men need to find a girl young and get his cock in her first, but he can't be an idiot and bust her cherry and then treat her like shit. We have to understand it's the evil Jew banker and the evil Jew media people that have caused this.
I hate to tell you, but your man isn't going to buy the cow. If he was stupid like me he would have married you, but would you really want a man that stupid?