good friend, not so good boyfriend...how to become both

in Singles and Dating » Dating Tips and Advice • 2 years ago

Hey guys,
I am 22 years old I have no problems talking with girls, i am around them a lot in my social circles, i have a ton of female friends, etc. Also, i'd say i am above average looking, athletic, etc., so that's not an issue as well.

I guess what my problem is that I am a good friend and girls like talking to me, but I don't have that personality that would make them want to have a relationship with me. I am not aggressive, a jerk, a bad boy type a guy or anything like that, and I like to be kind, friendly, helpful, protective, etc., and I don't have one thing on my mind (Sex), and so I don't force or push the girls to do anything, but we end up just being good friends eventually.

So if you guys/girls have an advice for me that would be appreciated. What makes a guy a boyfriend material (in terms of personality). Aggressive?, straight forward?, tough?, whatever else, please let me know and how can i become that if I am not a rough/aggressive type a guy normally. I also hate "the game" and having to do 'that', having to say 'that', pretend i am 'this', and so on and so forth...

Thanks for all the help in advance!

Sergei

Replies(3)

Xero

Re: good friend, not so good boyfriend...how to become both

2 years ago

I think you just have to go out, find the girl you like. Then ask her to go out on a date. From what I'm getting is that you would easily get a girlfriend if you just ask. I think since you haven't you just don't have one.

I think you just need to be a bit more aggressive as in getting one. Other than that be your self because that is what girls, and everyone else probably likes about you. So go out there and find one you would like to date.

sergei29

Re: good friend, not so good boyfriend...how to become both

2 years ago

the problem is that when i do ask, many of them don't feel about me that way, even though our friendship was going well.

Beagle

Re: good friend, not so good boyfriend...how to become both

2 years ago

You've asked multiple questions rolled into line. For one thing, women/girls like different things. Some girls like aggressive, some like laid back. Some girls like "bad boys" and some want "harry potter." Some women like a man who is protective and some feel it's condescending.

There's an old proverb that carries a lot of weight. "The diagnosis is half the cure." You can't solve a problem until you know what the problem is.

You need to go to one of your female friends that you can trust, and ask her to help you understand why you're getting these results, or lack thereof, in your dating relationships. Make sure you tell her you want the truth, not for her to stroke your ego. If there wasn't a problem, you would be getting the results you want, so you have to be ready to hear some things you may not want to hear. Are you coming off as a "nice guy?" Are you doing something "creepy" without being aware of it? Are you getting stuck in the "friend zone?" Do you have a hygiene problem? Do you just lack social skills? Guys can be woefully unaware of behaviors that put women off. You're not going to be able to solve the problem until you're willing to be honest about the problem.

Then, you have to be willing to hear what she has to say without being angry or offended. Once you understand what's causing the problem, you're halfway to fixing it. Come back to this forum with the feedback you get from her.

Beware of the one-size-fits-all programs on how to get girls. They are overly simplistic and may not address the problem that is keeping you from getting the results you want.