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Ok this is a big problem...I have no one to talk to about it so please some nice(not judging) advice will be much appreciated. I have a kid and iam in a realtionship for 9yrs with her father.I was very young when i was pregnant and alot has changed except him.He has been physically abusive to me in the past . He has screwed me over financially in so many ways. I always will love him but i feel he has hurt me so much,i have emotionally detached away from him.I actually have confined in a new man, he has a girlfriend but is in a boring sexless relationship and we have some common ground. So we have been sneaking around for a couple months and we are both falling for each other. We have even talked about leaving our current relaionships tobe with each other...I dont want to make a huge mistake again...and especially dont with my daughter.....I just want to be happy again and feel loved and have a partner again a real partner...so any help would be appreciated/ thank you:confused:
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I think you should break up with him if you want.
But i do not think you should get together with this other guy. This has happened so many times before and has caused issues over and over again where the other person doesn't get together with the other for what ever reason.
I think you should break up and just get a handle with your life then look for someone else.
I believe if your current husband (if your married) finds out if you have been cheating he can do something like court or such and you can lose things. So its really better in the end just to not get together with another guy right away.
(I'm not totally sure on this legality issue though)
But i do not think you should get together with this other guy. This has happened so many times before and has caused issues over and over again where the other person doesn't get together with the other for what ever reason.
I think you should break up and just get a handle with your life then look for someone else.
I believe if your current husband (if your married) finds out if you have been cheating he can do something like court or such and you can lose things. So its really better in the end just to not get together with another guy right away.
(I'm not totally sure on this legality issue though)
Leave a comment on Xero's reply
Originally posted by: bee
So we have been sneaking around for a couple months and we are both falling for each other.
Is this really what you want your life to be?
Leave a comment on Beagle's reply
No i dont want my life to be like this at all!!! Iam so stressed out!! I am sick of being in a loveless relationship, we dont sleep in the same room we fight all the time,we never have sex, and he bullies me into doing things i dont want to do. This has been going on for yrs.. Recently I met this guy and he makes me happy and I really like how he makes me feel. Iam lonely and have been for along time..... So I just dont want to make a huge mistake..so i was just wanting advice...I am not dumb..cheating is horribly wrong and its mean and i feel terrible...but this new guy is sweet and caring and i like how he makes me feel..............:(
Leave a comment on bee_danjenn's reply
I'm not going to even pretend to be smart enough to have all the answers. Hopefully, I can give you some of the things you need to think about. For convenience, I'm going to refer to "Old" relationship and "New" relationship.
First, it sounds like the Old relationship is dead and overdue for the grave. It sounds like you're just basically trying to figure out how you want to end it. It sounds like you're trying to have another relationship lined up before you leave this one. That's not really fair to the "old" relationship.
Second, the new relationship won't always be as great as it is now. There is nothing like that alls-right-with-the-world feeling that goes with a new relationship. However, you can bet that issues will surface. That doesn't mean it's a bad relationship, but change is inevitable, as in all things.
You might want to consider a separation from both relationships to get time to think this through. I would encourage you to get out of the "cheating" situation, one way or another. That never ends well, because it's based on deception.
First, it sounds like the Old relationship is dead and overdue for the grave. It sounds like you're just basically trying to figure out how you want to end it. It sounds like you're trying to have another relationship lined up before you leave this one. That's not really fair to the "old" relationship.
Second, the new relationship won't always be as great as it is now. There is nothing like that alls-right-with-the-world feeling that goes with a new relationship. However, you can bet that issues will surface. That doesn't mean it's a bad relationship, but change is inevitable, as in all things.
You might want to consider a separation from both relationships to get time to think this through. I would encourage you to get out of the "cheating" situation, one way or another. That never ends well, because it's based on deception.
Leave a comment on Beagle's reply
He has been physically abusive to me in the past .
Physical abuse is never acceptable.
he has hurt me so much,i have emotionally detached away from him.
What about you? do you care about yourself? Do you deserve better? Why are you still with him? What do you love about him?
Do you trust him? I mean with your safety...with your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. To treat you the way you want and need to be treated. To not cross your "boundaries."
I am so stressed out!! I am sick of being in a loveless relationship, we dont sleep in the same room we fight all the time,we never have sex, and he bullies me into doing things i dont want to do. This has been going on for yrs.
Is this the way you want to live? I was once told that "I need to take my power back." Do you understand what this means? You have the power to decide how you will be treated...what is acceptable and unacceptable...
"to thine own self be true" ...be honest with yourself and do what is best for YOU.
I just want to be happy again and feel loved and have a partner again
This is what I'm hearing. If you read these quotes, the answer is loud and clear.
As well, the man you are having an affair with is cheating on his partner. It may be taking care of a present need, but is that the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with? If he does it to her, he will do it to you.
When the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving, that is when you will choose what is best for you. I wish you the BEST.
Leave a comment on slittylicker's reply
Thank you all for your help!!!! I have decided to end the cheating relationship..which will be hard, but i dont really want to be with this person, i think iam just scared to be on my own.I have been in this relationship since i was 16. Iam so scared to be a single mom, and iam scared to make the wrong choice...My current boyfriend says if i leave him we will never get back together..and what if it is the wrong choice?? I know in my heart i want to be alone for a long while to get to know myself, someone i have lost sight of.............i am tring to look for hapiness with men but i dont think that will make me happy...i think i need to be happy with me and then i can start to look for a man......I have fallen into such a comfortable situation, that it is really hard to leave comfort, but when i read the things i write...i wonder why the hell i didnt leave long ago....?? I guess when you have a kid with someone you try to make it work for as long as possible but iam so done ..thanks for the advice it has helped so much and it feels nice getting this off my chest........!!!:)
Leave a comment on bee_danjenn's reply
My current boyfriend says if i leave him we will never get back together.
Why is this OK with him but not with you? What would you miss? All of those abusive things you talked about?
It appears that he manipulates you with control and power tactics.
There is a very inexpensive book that you should read.
It's called, "Women Who Love Too Much," by Robin Norwood.
Amazon.com: Women Who Love Too Much (9780671733414): Robin Norwood: Books
http://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/product-reviews/0671733419/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1
He has been physically abusive to me in the past .
he has hurt me so much,i have emotionally detached away from him.
I am so stressed out!! I am sick of being in a loveless relationship, we dont sleep in the same room we fight all the time,we never have sex, and he bullies me into doing things i dont want to do. This has been going on for yrs.
He has screwed me over financially in so many ways.
I just want to be happy again and feel loved and have a partner again
If your closest, dearest friend, who you love and care about, confided in you, and told you what you've told us, what would you say to your friend?
Leave a comment on slittylicker's reply
Be careful
2 years ago
You say he has been abusive in the past? When you leave him, make sure you have an escape plan. Make sure you have money, a place to stay. Don't tell this person your leaving him with your child in the house. Take all your valuables out of the house BEFORE you leave him. These are just suggestions and I'm not assuming this guy is a wacko. But it's better to be safe then sorry.
About being lonely, when you first leave, you may feel like your life is over because you have a kid and no man. But use this as an opportunity to learn about yourself. As for the child, don't be afraid to get counseling.
Don't become all promiscuous once you leave him either. It depends on the person i know, but alot of people sleep around right after a break up and end up in the same place with a new guy years later. One night stands are fine right now, but don't let any new guys meet your child until you are sure she has recovered enough to handle it. Use a condom when you do (if you do). Finally, take some time for yourself. The best way people get through things is to make them all make sense. Figure out what went wrong. Figure out any warning signs you missed when you got with this person and when you see them again, run! In your next relationship, don't take this relationship out on the new guy. I understand that your going to be careful and guard your heart somewhat, but all guys aren't bad.
Just remember, you can do this and if you need any additional guidance, contact me on facebook under the name Christine Delany. ;)
About being lonely, when you first leave, you may feel like your life is over because you have a kid and no man. But use this as an opportunity to learn about yourself. As for the child, don't be afraid to get counseling.
Don't become all promiscuous once you leave him either. It depends on the person i know, but alot of people sleep around right after a break up and end up in the same place with a new guy years later. One night stands are fine right now, but don't let any new guys meet your child until you are sure she has recovered enough to handle it. Use a condom when you do (if you do). Finally, take some time for yourself. The best way people get through things is to make them all make sense. Figure out what went wrong. Figure out any warning signs you missed when you got with this person and when you see them again, run! In your next relationship, don't take this relationship out on the new guy. I understand that your going to be careful and guard your heart somewhat, but all guys aren't bad.
Just remember, you can do this and if you need any additional guidance, contact me on facebook under the name Christine Delany. ;)
Leave a comment on chris_in_oklahoma's reply
Originally posted by: bee
No i dont want my life to be like this at all!!! Iam so stressed out!! I am sick of being in a loveless relationship, we dont sleep in the same room we fight all the time,we never have sex, and he bullies me into doing things i dont want to do. This has been going on for yrs.. Recently I met this guy and he makes me happy and I really like how he makes me feel. Iam lonely and have been for along time..... So I just dont want to make a huge mistake..so i was just wanting advice...I am not dumb..cheating is horribly wrong and its mean and i feel terrible...but this new guy is sweet and caring and i like how he makes me feel..............:(
You deserve to be happy....
Others had already giving so much valuable opinion, however I'm more concern about your self.....
Are you ok?......cozz to me there's nothing more important than you and your child well fare at this moment......please be careful when you decide something cozz it will affect your child as well.
I feel so much anger for this abuse man of yours cozz to my opinion a man who hurt woman is no more than a coward and sissy and I ate that kind of men for breakfast......(Sorry for being so out loud)
Well....hang in there, You have been hurt physically and mentally for so long and I believe that you will find happiness in the end.
Regrds,
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