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I am 22 years old and so is my boyfriend.
First I want to mention I am his first serious relationship in almost 5 years, so his first adult relationship. Its also his first relationship since hes got “a handle” on his anxiety and hes taking Cipralex for it daily.
We have been together for 9 months now. He initiated everything and asked me out. I was skeptical at first because I wasn’t sure I liked him more then a friend. I think it is safe to say that now after 9 months I am falling for him. I started falling for him around 6 months into it. We get along famously. He always say what a great team we make together. He told me he’s never got along with anyone so well in his life and how great it feels. He does whatever he can to help me out whether its something little like picking up something from the grocery store to driving me somewhere out of his way. He loves to help me out and loves to see me smile. It’s a 2 way street, I am always doing things to surprise him and to show him I appreciate him. There is nothing better then seeing him smile and getting a big hug from him! Its great to know how much easier we make each others life. We have separate apartments but we’re together usually 5 days out of 7 days. 2-3 of those days we spend the night together because we both really enjoy each others company whether were awake or sleeping. Your probably wondering well whats the problem? Everything seems Great!..... Well... About 6-7 months into our relationship I started feeling a little insecure at times but wasn’t 100% sure why I was feeling this way, then I started to realize its because he denies me sometimes. I talked to him about this and I told him sometimes I feel like he wishes I looked better. He admitted that he would probably be more sexually attracted to me if I was more fit. I have curves, I could stand to loose 20lbs and be really great looking but the thing is, I looked like this when he asked me out! And he tells me that sex isn’t the most important thing to him and that he likes me too much for it to be a huge issue. Why the change now!? So now I feel very insecure about myself and now when I try to initiate sex with him and 50% of the time he will be too tired, or not want to waste his energy cause he will be tired after. He does initiate with me sometimes tho or he will say yes if I ask but he doesn’t feel very enthused to it until he gets into it. When it is that time of the month and I am unable to have sex, I try to offer oral sex, and he says it takes too long to get off …. But then he will go look at porn. We talked about it again the other day because I offered him oral an he said no, then I got in the shower, came out and went to check something on the comp and he had looked at porn while I was in the shower…. I want you to know that I knew he looked at porn before we even started dating and I knew he looked at it while we went out in the first few months. It didn’t bother me AT ALL cause we were having sex like every day we saw each other, Now it Is becoming more frequent and I feel he is choosing that over me. He doesn’t have an issue getting off with sex but oral he does. He says it feels good it just takes too long….. when I confronted him about looking at porn while I was at his place and showering he was embarrassed but I couldn’t hold it in. I felt hurt and worthless. I told him it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough because I offered to give him oral but he took porn over me (and I am willing to do whatever he wants me to) and he said it just takes too long to get off and its easier with porn. He said it frustrates him because he feels that he should be able to get off when I give him oral and if he could get off from just that that he wouldn’t even think about sex. He says its nothing I am doing or not doing and he said he doesn’t know if its issues with not being 100% attracted to me or if its his pills and that he wont know if its me until he gets a blowjob from someone else and doesn’t know if its his pills until he goes off them but he cant got off them. I offered to do it while he looks at porn an he said no that its wrong and that it should be one or the other and he shouldn’t need both.
I hate that it bothers me and I wish I could just ignore it and not let it bother me like it didn’t bother me before but hes brought out these insecurities in me since telling me hes not 100% attracted to me (again even tho HE asked ME out). I am not use to this “rejection” if you want to call it that. All my ex’s I would have almost the opposite problem couldn’t get them off me. I guess the part that hurts the most is that if I left him today I know I would have 3 other guys lined up that would love to be with me (not just sexually). Why doesn’t my boyfriend want me?
I want to stay with him but that doesn’t mean its for the best. I don’t know how I can deal with this and it is getting worse as we are thinking of moving together but this is a huge issue and it makes me feel like we will not last too much longer. Another thing that is confusing; he is very affectionate. He kisses me in public all the time, always cuddling me an holding my hand and grabbing my bum and you know just being a young guy and “dry humping” me to be a goof and stuff like that. Again we get along great but once your partner tells you they are that sexually attracted to you and they use porn over you about 60% of the time how do you deal with that????????????????
Also, He doesnt like it when other guys look at me. He doesnt get angry or doesnt flip out but he notices it when guys look at me more then I notice. and when he notices he hugs right onto me an kisses me and give them a look. As if to show them, sorry shes mine. Like I said I am not fat i could loose 20 lbs and be really skinny. I have healthy curves. and despite the meanish thing he said about my physical appearence hes told me numerous times that I have one of the most beautiful faces hes seen and hes always commenting on my eyes. Hes so confusing!
Any suggestions or help or advice would be so greatly appreciated.
First I want to mention I am his first serious relationship in almost 5 years, so his first adult relationship. Its also his first relationship since hes got “a handle” on his anxiety and hes taking Cipralex for it daily.
We have been together for 9 months now. He initiated everything and asked me out. I was skeptical at first because I wasn’t sure I liked him more then a friend. I think it is safe to say that now after 9 months I am falling for him. I started falling for him around 6 months into it. We get along famously. He always say what a great team we make together. He told me he’s never got along with anyone so well in his life and how great it feels. He does whatever he can to help me out whether its something little like picking up something from the grocery store to driving me somewhere out of his way. He loves to help me out and loves to see me smile. It’s a 2 way street, I am always doing things to surprise him and to show him I appreciate him. There is nothing better then seeing him smile and getting a big hug from him! Its great to know how much easier we make each others life. We have separate apartments but we’re together usually 5 days out of 7 days. 2-3 of those days we spend the night together because we both really enjoy each others company whether were awake or sleeping. Your probably wondering well whats the problem? Everything seems Great!..... Well... About 6-7 months into our relationship I started feeling a little insecure at times but wasn’t 100% sure why I was feeling this way, then I started to realize its because he denies me sometimes. I talked to him about this and I told him sometimes I feel like he wishes I looked better. He admitted that he would probably be more sexually attracted to me if I was more fit. I have curves, I could stand to loose 20lbs and be really great looking but the thing is, I looked like this when he asked me out! And he tells me that sex isn’t the most important thing to him and that he likes me too much for it to be a huge issue. Why the change now!? So now I feel very insecure about myself and now when I try to initiate sex with him and 50% of the time he will be too tired, or not want to waste his energy cause he will be tired after. He does initiate with me sometimes tho or he will say yes if I ask but he doesn’t feel very enthused to it until he gets into it. When it is that time of the month and I am unable to have sex, I try to offer oral sex, and he says it takes too long to get off …. But then he will go look at porn. We talked about it again the other day because I offered him oral an he said no, then I got in the shower, came out and went to check something on the comp and he had looked at porn while I was in the shower…. I want you to know that I knew he looked at porn before we even started dating and I knew he looked at it while we went out in the first few months. It didn’t bother me AT ALL cause we were having sex like every day we saw each other, Now it Is becoming more frequent and I feel he is choosing that over me. He doesn’t have an issue getting off with sex but oral he does. He says it feels good it just takes too long….. when I confronted him about looking at porn while I was at his place and showering he was embarrassed but I couldn’t hold it in. I felt hurt and worthless. I told him it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough because I offered to give him oral but he took porn over me (and I am willing to do whatever he wants me to) and he said it just takes too long to get off and its easier with porn. He said it frustrates him because he feels that he should be able to get off when I give him oral and if he could get off from just that that he wouldn’t even think about sex. He says its nothing I am doing or not doing and he said he doesn’t know if its issues with not being 100% attracted to me or if its his pills and that he wont know if its me until he gets a blowjob from someone else and doesn’t know if its his pills until he goes off them but he cant got off them. I offered to do it while he looks at porn an he said no that its wrong and that it should be one or the other and he shouldn’t need both.
I hate that it bothers me and I wish I could just ignore it and not let it bother me like it didn’t bother me before but hes brought out these insecurities in me since telling me hes not 100% attracted to me (again even tho HE asked ME out). I am not use to this “rejection” if you want to call it that. All my ex’s I would have almost the opposite problem couldn’t get them off me. I guess the part that hurts the most is that if I left him today I know I would have 3 other guys lined up that would love to be with me (not just sexually). Why doesn’t my boyfriend want me?
I want to stay with him but that doesn’t mean its for the best. I don’t know how I can deal with this and it is getting worse as we are thinking of moving together but this is a huge issue and it makes me feel like we will not last too much longer. Another thing that is confusing; he is very affectionate. He kisses me in public all the time, always cuddling me an holding my hand and grabbing my bum and you know just being a young guy and “dry humping” me to be a goof and stuff like that. Again we get along great but once your partner tells you they are that sexually attracted to you and they use porn over you about 60% of the time how do you deal with that????????????????
Also, He doesnt like it when other guys look at me. He doesnt get angry or doesnt flip out but he notices it when guys look at me more then I notice. and when he notices he hugs right onto me an kisses me and give them a look. As if to show them, sorry shes mine. Like I said I am not fat i could loose 20 lbs and be really skinny. I have healthy curves. and despite the meanish thing he said about my physical appearence hes told me numerous times that I have one of the most beautiful faces hes seen and hes always commenting on my eyes. Hes so confusing!
Any suggestions or help or advice would be so greatly appreciated.
