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Hi,
Me and my man have been together for over 7 years and now he wants an open relationship. I do understand why as our sex life has been on the low for some time now and I do appreciate him telling me instead of just cheating on me. I said no right away and moved out immideately which might seem drastic but I needed space and distance to get a clear head. Then I started researching open relationships and polyamory on the net to see what it is all about and I gave it some serious thought.
But I still don't feel this is what I want. I've just never been much of a multi-tasker but like to do one thing at a time but then 100%. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me but I don't feel he really understands or even cares about how difficult this is for me or how hurt I am.He says he just wants "to play" which makes me feel like he just needs a surrogate mother he can come home to after "playing" outside.
I really love him but I just can't sit at home and wait for him to come home after being with someone else. When I told him that, he said I was not spiritual enough and that it is all about unconditional love. Then he forgot my birthday the other day.
His reactions are very hurtful and make me realize even more that our relationship is severely damaged and not a good basis to start an open relationship at all.
He also knows that I have been sexually abused as a child which is one of the reasons our sex life took such a plunge (I had supressed the memories and during sex it all came back). I know I will have to heal the trauma, but our sex life was GREAT before I remembered and I think we can have great sex again.
Then again, how am I ever to open up physically to him again when I know he is really phantasizing about other women?
I'd be really grateful for any advice or suggestions!
Me and my man have been together for over 7 years and now he wants an open relationship. I do understand why as our sex life has been on the low for some time now and I do appreciate him telling me instead of just cheating on me. I said no right away and moved out immideately which might seem drastic but I needed space and distance to get a clear head. Then I started researching open relationships and polyamory on the net to see what it is all about and I gave it some serious thought.
But I still don't feel this is what I want. I've just never been much of a multi-tasker but like to do one thing at a time but then 100%. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me but I don't feel he really understands or even cares about how difficult this is for me or how hurt I am.He says he just wants "to play" which makes me feel like he just needs a surrogate mother he can come home to after "playing" outside.
I really love him but I just can't sit at home and wait for him to come home after being with someone else. When I told him that, he said I was not spiritual enough and that it is all about unconditional love. Then he forgot my birthday the other day.
His reactions are very hurtful and make me realize even more that our relationship is severely damaged and not a good basis to start an open relationship at all.
He also knows that I have been sexually abused as a child which is one of the reasons our sex life took such a plunge (I had supressed the memories and during sex it all came back). I know I will have to heal the trauma, but our sex life was GREAT before I remembered and I think we can have great sex again.
Then again, how am I ever to open up physically to him again when I know he is really phantasizing about other women?
I'd be really grateful for any advice or suggestions!
