Ask Dan & Jennifer

I think you should do what feels right to you. The person you're dating sounds like someone who is just looking for sex and if waiting is important for you, then you should consider moving on. As a male who is waiting for marriage, I find it easier to pick someone who has that value believe me there are non-sex crazed men out there. So I guess just keep to your morals you'll be glad you did in the end.

Originally posted by: enime135
My boyfriend is pressuring me into having sex and i want to wait until i get married but he says that he cant wait that long and im scared that he is going to either cheat on me or break up with me im 18 and i dont know what to do he tells me that he has other girls that will have sex with him please help me should i give in and have sex or be done with him????

Ok, coming from a guy's point view .... if you want to wait, and he's unwilling to wait, YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HIM! Or I should say, he's not worthy of your time and patience. Sex is the mechanics of the act, making love it actually taking sex and making it great for both parties. It sounds like he's more concerned with his own gratification than yours (usually a bad sign in lovers, from my experience.)

If you do give in to his pressure, you're possibly going to feel guilty, feel used, or feel manipulated. Your first time is a once in a lifetime experience, treasure it and save it for the right time (be that marriage, or the perfect person, or whomever you choose willfully.) All too often we rush things, and throw it away. You can end up regretting it.

I'm 28, been there, done that, got the T-shirt to prove it. I'm attempting to start a relationship with a very mature, experienced woman and we had a nice discussion last night that sums up our society. The synopsis goes sort of like this:

In our me-focused, instant gratification culture, we want the end result here and now and damn the consequences. It wasn't always that way. I learned at an early age (thanks to a bunch of family friends) that you can build tension in a relationship, and let it build so when you release it, the release is much better than a here and now quickie. Waiting for marriage to have sex is a fashion of that if you choose to view it as such. It can bring a couple closer together, by waiting together; or drive them apart.

I'm going to finish this with a quote from my favorite author, "Sex should be friendly. Otherwise, stick to mechanical toys, it's more sanitary." If he really needs relief, I'm sure there's a product on the market for it.

Take this under advisement, I recommend never ever to have sex based upon pressure. It should be something that is completely natural and consensual between both parties involved.

Now that said, I also think waiting until marriage is a bit absurd. I respect the fact you likely have different(religious?) beliefs as me, but that's just my two cents. It's entirely your choice.

The only thing you can do is make it clear of your intention, if you truly don't want to have sex until you get married, tell him so. If he runs off, well he isn't really the guy that was meant for you, is he? Like the old saying goes, You should set your loved ones free, if they come back, they are yours; if not... go get another dove. ;)

How will you feel if you give in and have sex with him and then he leaves you or cheats on you?

Worse yet what if he leaves you afterwards and you fall in love with someone that wants to wait until marriage but then has a hard time accepting the fact that you are not a virgin even though you share the same beliefs.

You are so young, I would stay true to your core beliefs and morals. They won't even betray you like a man will.

okay...honestly..i could sum this up real quick....are u ready?



He's not worth it......if your guy cant respect your wishes...then he doesnt need to be your guy....sorry i have to be so rough and straight-to-the-point about it but its true....he cant respect u...he doesnt deserve u...simple as that

now i dont know if that helps u any but im just speaking my mind

you have a lot of good info here from the rest of us.
personally, you are a strong and mature person for choosing to not back down from what you believe in.
your boyfriend sounds like he could be a womanizer. (you mentiuoned he threatens you with the idea he has other women whom will give him sex.)
the way he is approaching you about sex is very unhealthy. he doesn't sound like he values you as a person. he seems to be trying to corerce you into sex by using the threats of other women,,,,
i was in a relationship with a man whom was very pushy about sex. he always told me if i didn't put out, he would get it else where. the kicker here is that he did go out and get it else where regardless if i put out or not. he justifed the cheating with his famous line, "you wouldn't do it, so i went out and got it"!
hell, he even brought some of these ladies home...
that was a bad relationship. very abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically.
i think you should really think about the relationship you are in. it's very wrong to use threats to get something he wants. i don't think you have a man that has much compassion for you.
would you threaten him to obtain a personal gratification???
does he value you as a person or just another piece of ass?
he is the one whom clearly has issues in his life. these issues aren't just going to dissapear. if you want to deal with this nature in a person for the long haul, that's your choice. please honor yourself, and do not give in just to please him. believe me, after he get's sex from you, there will be another issue that he'll manifest and put you back in the pressure zone.
good luck

it's your body and so it's your decision. if he loves you and cares for you then he wouldn't mind waiting and deffinitely wouldn't tell you that he has other girls...if he can't respect you then he's not worth it.

If you want to wait then wait. If he really likes/loves you he won't pressure you and will wait till your ready. I know if I really liked/loved someone I would wait till they feel comfort able or willing without any pressure.

When I dated nice girls I always waited until they decided. I never pressured them. Because if everyone has sex right from the start then sex is everything. It's better to go dating and have fun. You don't want someone with such a strong sex drive they can't control themselves. You don't want a stud. I know guys who will stay with a girl a long time just to bust their cherry. I mean they are predators. They will say and do anyhting, but they get that cherry and it's see ya.

It is important not to give into sex (with anyone) because of fear or pressure. After all, if he really loves you and wants to be with you then he will wait. If he is just after sex then chances are your relationship won't last anyhow. I know it is hard and millions of girls have been in your position, but you are too good to just give in. If you want to wait till marriage, great. If you end up changing your mind that can be great too. But make sure it is what you want and not just you giving in in hopes of keeping him. Sadly it just won't work out that way.

Break up and find a guy who will wait until you're married.