Help! My girlfriend has guilt issues!

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 2 years ago

Hi. :p This is Jung Woo from Korea. I’m an 18 year old high school student in Seoul.
Me and my girlfriend are both high school students but we go to different schools.

My girlfriend and I have been together now for a little more than 100 days. We have already experienced many intimacies with each other but our intimacies have never reached the point of sex.

Every time we do something intimate (not sex), after, she always tells me how guilty she feels towards her parents and friends.
She thinks that if her parents or friends knew what we were doing, they would be greatly disappointed with her.
After becoming intimate with me, she always feels like she has done something terrible. ( I think she suddenly feels she is a bad daughter )
She always wishes that she could rewind time so that we would not do anything and she would not feel sorry and guilty towards her parents and friends.
:(:confused:

(its as if while we are doing something, she doesn't think about anything
but when we are done, suddenly she feels guilty)

I've talked to her about this before but she STILL feels the same way after we do anything.

I want her to stop getting the idea that people are disappointed with her.:(

I don't know how to help her....
ADVICE PLEASE :confused:

Replies(2)

silence_o..

My 2 cents...

2 years ago

When I was younger, I was a devoted christian. Having a christian faith and also a boyfriend was very hard for me. My boyfriend and I wouldn't have sex but we'd get close to having sex when we were intimate with each other. Because of my faith I felt so bad and guilty afterwards. I felt like I had failed my God and failed myself. My boyfriend wasn't a christian and didn't understand why I felt like this when I did. To solve this, I told him I didn't want to be put in a situation where I felt my physical side could overpower me into doing something I'd feel guilty about. Don't get me wrong, there isn't anything bad about sex. My beliefs just prevented me from doing so before marriage. So we stopped being alone together and controlled our physical contact with each other. We still kissed and hugged each other, its when we pushed it far enough we'd stop.

The best way for you to help her is talk to her. Ask her if she wants to stop doing anything sexual with her. Whether its petting or necking. Avoid places and situations where its easier to do initate things. As far as talking to her and convincing her that she isn't a disappointment to her parents, you can't really convince her because her mind is probably set on sex being taboo.You just have to give her time and respect her by not initating sex or sexual contact and if you love her, you'll do just that. Thats the best way to help her, she'll come around when she's ready and comfortable.

Hope this helps

Xero

Re: Help! My girlfriend has guilt issues!

2 years ago

You should tell her your boundaries. For me and my girlfriend I wont do anything farther than 3rd base at this time. I haven't even come close to getting to third base, only second, and I wont push for third at this time.

If you where to tell her how far you wish to go currently then you would probably make her feel more safe and secure.

Silence of Submission Had a very good thought, it could be her religion, or personal preference. If it is just reassure her and tell her that most teenagers are doing what you guys are doing. They are even doing worse than what your really doing.

I don't really know how it is in Korea but in the USA there are teens as young as 13-15 already having sex, which is a really terrible thing.

Hope this helps.