Ask Dan & Jennifer

Communication needs to be in this conversation. He needs to know where you are coming from. If he does not understanmd then he needs to deveolpe his coomunication skill and deliver to your and his satisfaction. Communicate

I personally know three couples that split up due to experiences like this that went wrong. If you're not comfortable with the idea, then it's not a good idea. You and he need to have a very up-front conversation about this one and see if you can reach a solution that makes you both comfortable. Many marriages seem to do well in the swinging scene, which is ultimately what this is. However, you do need to know that swinging is a high-risk activity for couples. I'm a counselor, and unfortunately I see the ones who experience the horror stories.

1. Don't be talked into it! It can be a horrible idea.
2. It is easier for guys to separate sex and love. They don't go together and having sex with other people doesn't have to change how you feel about each other.
3. Often times women have a hard time having a threesome with another woman because of jealousy issues. These feelings often come from our own insecurities with our bodies, our relationships, and in your case it sounds like a fear that you can't please your husband because you have a hard time being "open" (as you say, though I think you are really falling in a fairly common place).

A lot of guys have fantasies about being with two women at once and or seeing their woman with another woman...however, if it is something that bothers you then you need to tell him and let him know you just can't do it. Tell him how you feel and make sure that you only do it if it is something you will enjoy.

I'm in the same circumstance as your husband. Yeah, usually it's a security issue. My GF claims she hasn't ruled it out, it's just not likely. Tell him to make you feel more comfortable with it (and that it might takes years for him to prove his fidelity), and maybe eventually, you'll DO it. Until then, tell him you're CONSIDERING it. Never say never, because that's the worst idea - having being told what you CANNOT do with YOUR own life! I personaly really want to see my GF with another girl. It isn't something I would really want to be with random girls, although I wouldn't complain, but the other girl I would like to have a relationship with as well. More of a permanent thing. There are many benefits to having intimate relationships with more than just one other person, but also more pit-falls. Such as your ties being more developed and knowing each other better, for a longer time. But new people bring new aspects and perspectives too. You just may like it alot more than he does. It's a fantasy, sure, but if it became reality, it may not work as expected because life and it's combinations are explosive chemistry.

Originally posted by: missbethb
My husband wants to bring another woman into our relationship to "spice" things up and have a 3 way. I am not into this and have told him so. But he says I can choose the other girl. That doesn't help because I fear that if we bring someone else in he will begin to like that other girl too and I would be concerned, what if he leaves me for that other more open girl. What do I do? I want to make my husband happy but I like our sex life as just him and me.

concerned wife,
bethany:confused:

just let him know that you are uncomfortable with this idea and that you want him to understand that this is a very scarey thing for you and that you love him but you cant wrap your head around it. then tell him your sorry.

Ask him how he feels about bringing in another man? Then see his reaction. Turn the tables, whats good for the goose is good for the gander. If he says no then ask why its the same thing.

I have been married three times, and all three of my husband's love this idea. Once I was old enough to say clearly, "NO, I am not comfortable with this" with my second husband, he was always irritated with me about it, because I had agreed to it with my second husband. Bottom line is that its hard enough working things out between TWO people, when you add a third, it gets WAY too complicated. I can appreciate the fantasy, and its a fun one, but to bring it to reality if your relationship is not really solid, can be really costly.

To me, its an intimacy issue. If you guys were able to really explore the depths of who you are together, and find the animal lust that exists between you then there would be no shortage of fun things to spice things up. But until you are full connected and exposed emotionally, the lustful fun of what I call "caveman sex" cannot happen. Work on being more open and getting him to be more open with you about what you are feeling and thinking sexually.

That is great insight. I hope the original poster sees this and takes it to heart.

don't give him any chance to do this.Boys are the fuking shit i think and they will escape if u give him chances.So try to make him happy with your sex time and hope he'll enjoy that

I think you need to start dating better guys Grahdenn. :confused:

To Missbethb. As a guy, I think people like your husband should have experimented a little more in their youth. The whole point of being young is to try new things and live a little. If you plan to settle down with someone and marry, you need to accept your partner for who they are.

In another argument, you could say if you have the threesome and he does leave you, then do you really want a guy like that anyway? If he loves you, then he loves you and won't leave.

I have never worried about my partners being unfaithful or leaving for another guy. Whats the point? If they don't love you 100% then they will leave at some point.

If you DO want a threesome then have one. If not don't, but don't let your husband loose control over this. Stamp your foot down and tell him 100% yes or no. It sounds like you're saying "Mmm maybe".

Tell him you will have a 3some if the other person is a guy. That will throw him!! :D

My husband and I have discussed this before and we both realize that we would both have issues after the fact! We may have fun that night but we would both have jealousy or resentment after. We decided it wasn't for us! Ask him to really think he can live with the aftermath. I wouldn't go there either. Em

Glad you two had a chat about it. Personally, I think 3some's are for those who are dating, not married. :rolleyes: