Ask Dan & Jennifer

WhiteWolf1inVA. I am going to put myself in her shoes for a minute. One of my best (female)friends is in this exact situation right now. The reality is, a once-scalded dog thinks twice, and that's just the way it is. She got really burned by a guy who made all these promises and ran out on her.

On the other hand, I think you have very valid points. I think six months is a fairly short time to find out if you are ready to spend the rest of your life with her. I was totally in love with a woman, whom I had been dating for about a year. It was early Winter and I was planning on asking her to marry me the next summer. She was pressuring me to get married, but like you, I wasn't going to do it because I was being pressured. Then I saw her temper. After seeing her fly into an absolute rage at a coworker, who really hadn't done anything wrong, I've worked in two psychiatric hospitals, and she shocked me she was so out of control. We're not talking your average "pissed off" here. I found out I wasn't the only one. I learned she had been arrested, literally, for domestic violence in her previous marriage. She definitely had a problem with anger. I realized real quick I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her. She had been able to keep this hidden for a time, but over time someone's true colors come out. If we had gotten married at the six month mark, then I would right now be in an absolutely horrible situation, probably sleeping with one eye open.

I think your statements that you're definitely going to marry her come off as a little bogus because, if that were really the case, you already would have. I think the way you put it is very accurate. You like the way the relationship is going, but you want to be sure, because you want it to last forever.

You also need to be sensitive to the fact that she's feeling extremely insecure. She probably hears her clock ticking and is wondering if she'll ever be a wife. I think you have to be sensitive to that. I also think six months is too darn short. I know there are a lot of short-courtship marriages that work, but you run the risk of missing something major.

Ultimately, this is a conversation that you and she have to have. If you are totally honest with her that you think six months is too short, she'll see that you're being sincere and that will help her trust you.

I really appreciate your response. Exactly how do I help her forget about that ex and move on with me and trust me? I have begged her to trust me and to know I am not like that last guy. She says her past is not bothering her or us, but I know thats not true. This is really starting to weigh on my heart.

I think communication is the only answer. You and she have to talk openly about what your fears are. And fear is ultimately what is driving both your concerns. She's afraid of being taken advantage of and you're afraid of moving too fast and making a bad decision.

It's always better to have things out on the table than to have them running around in the back of your mind.

Have agree with with Beagle on this.

My come back for you why have you not married her. For my wife and i we have been married going on 31 years. Our courtship was very short. Let say we wrote each other for about two years. The actual meeting was one week in July, 3 days in August in which i asked her to marry me. Came back into the state in November got her answer then we where married Dec 30th. To say the least i was in the Navy..

Best of luck, and yes commincate about everything. That means from the pimple on your ass to the color of her hair. You mus tbe able to talk with each other... Very very openly..

its really tough to see your loving one with her ex and i think u are totally right in this point of view.I think u should tell her about this and i think she isn't so fool that she wouldn't understand u.

I don't know how long her and her ex have been apart but she needs time to get over the hurt. If there is a child in the picture too, she has a motherly instinct to not only stop herself from getting hurt but her child aswell. Tell her everyday that you love her and if you can just leave little things around the house just expressing how you feel. Even a little post-it note with a love heart or something. Maybe even spending time with her daughter. Take her to the park or somewhere she enjoys. Show your gf the you are putting in the effort, that you may not want to get married just yet but if she see's that your making an effort to put happiness in their lives she may back off a bit on pressuring you to tie the knot.