Ask Dan & Jennifer

The whole thing about sex is that it is supposed to be fun. Its supposed to be a spontaneous enjoyment of each other's bodies. You can't help what you don't feel. You either feel the fun or you don't. If you have sex for any other reason, its the wrong reason. And, you end up feeling like a victim and bad about yourself.

Your friend sounds as insecure about his value as you, he just shows it in a different way. He thinks that he only has value as a man if he has sex, and you are the nearest possibility for him. He's not a bad guy, just a guy who is mixed up. He is feeling social pressure to have sex and it is clouding his judgment. His anxiety is making him say things that he will later feel badly about. If you cave in to his anxiety then you would both end up feeling badly about yourselves. His wanting to have sex with you is NOT about his wanting the spontaneous enjoyment. Its about his ego and about social pressure. Its for the wrong reasons.

If you care about yourself and if you care about him, you'll say "No" and deal with whatever reactivity he will have. If he can't continue to be your friend then he was never really your friend anyway.

Keep in mind, if you have sex with him when you don't really want to- you are doing something hurtful to both of you. You BOTH deserve better.:rolleyes:

also - there is no shame in waiting until you feel comfortable with the idea of being sexual. Some people feel comfortable in their teens - others later in their twenties or more. Respect yourself enough to do it when it feels right to YOU. If its not about fun then there is really NO point. :D

I'm glad I read your thread I think I have some good advice for you. I am 27 and so I have some years on you. Don't ever ever feel like you won't get anyone else so you have to stay with someone. I started to feel like that and so I ended up in some relationships that frankly were a waste of time. I know you don't feel "young" but you really are and you have so much time to find the right guy to make you really really happy. If you aren't sexually compatible with this guy then you really shouldn't waste yourself on him or the relationship. I know you said he can be a great guy but he isn't respecting you and there is someone out there that will respect you 100% of the time, not just some of the time. I know right now it seems like it would be horrible if you lost him as a boyfriend or a friend but once you have found the right man for you, it won't matter any more, I promise. If your heart doesn't skip a beat when he walk in the room and if you don't feel butterflies in your tummy when you think of seeing him then you are settling and get out now so that you can find the person that makes you feel excited. You can't find Mr. Right if you are stuck with Mr. rightnow. The first thing I would do after you break away from this luke warm relationship is write down 10 qualities about yourself that you think are great. It might be hard at first but work at it and it will be worth it in the end. Then do things to make yourself happy, to better yourself and boost your confidence. Make some girlfriends and get a good support system going. It will make a world of difference in your personal life and you'll find an amazing man because of the confidence that you will exude. Good luck. I see so much of myself in what you have said and I wish you the best.

ok, so i have tried the honest thing and i can't do it, i freeze up, im worried about hurting his feelings and having him hate me. i have told him that i want to wait on having sex with him but i need some advice on how to end our relationship and still stay friends without him hateing me?

You are taking it tooooooo seriously!!!!!!!

When he asks you to go to bed start laughing and smiling. The more he will urge the more you will resist. But continue being friends. If he will not want to be friend with you after this, then it means only one thing - he only wanted to f*ck u.-

----cukrik