Ask Dan & Jennifer

Did you even ask him for more sex? Or talk about it?

If your not trying to get him to do it then its not helping your cause. You have to be open about it not hinting. hinting usually gets you no where.

EX:
Just last week a girl at work got her shirt wet (lifeguard) and said to the supervisor shes all wet. She wanted a new shirt, yet did not ask for one only said "I'm all wet". She got nothing and wondered why and me and the other guy just said ASK next time!!!.

Xero, I'm not sure how your example about the wet shirt ties into this situation.

Rachel, while I don't have anything against somebody who plays video games (I used to play them myself but I just don't have time anymore), if he would rather play games than have sex, it sounds to me like you're married to a boy, not a man. Have you done anything to try to turn him on? This could be anything from massage to cuddling to dirty talk.

This is something I saw in a movie once, and I'm not going to promise that it will work, I'm just throwing it out there as an idea and hopefully you get where I'm going with it. I forgot the title of the movie (and I don't feel like looking it up right now) but Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston were in it. There's a scene where Vaughn is playing his Xbox 360 and his full attention were in the game and all of a sudden Aniston walks out completely naked to the kitchen. She doesn't make eye contact with him but she puts a smile on her face when she walks back to the room while Vaughn has a priceless look on his face looking in her direction. At this point, he is oblivious as to what is going on in the game.

Yeah i try everything to get his attention, you name it i try even little things that he thinks are hot like pig tails in my hair nothing seems to work. Also i am not allowed to have any guy friends because they are alway attracted to me and say things that are flattering that he wont say. I am a stay at home mom that is very very lonely and don't know what to do.

I love fantasizing, but my wife doesn't, I'm wishing she'd be more aggressive, but it seems hopeless. Sad as it is, I do keep trying. Do you wear suggestive clothing when you are out or does he get upset about that?

My example was ask or your not getting anything.

I'm not sure what you should do. I think talking to him about it or being very upfront about it is the answer, that's all I can come up with.

I don't think talking will work in this situation. Chances are a guy who is focused more on video games than sex isn't even going to listen. He'll just wait for her to shut up so he can unpause the game and go back to trash talking to the kids he's playing against on Xbox live.

It's time to take action. From what it sounds like, you're in a situation where nothing is going to change unless you do something drastic. Don't be afraid to take a chance. Use threats if you have to.

Ask him if he minds if you have sex with other guys. That will get his attention.

Husband? Video games? Wtf?

I have tried the "can i sleep with other men thing" totally does not work for me. He tells me to leave at that point which you are probably thinking why dont you, we just had a baby together.

Was this a problem before having the child?

Originally posted by: Rachel FM
we just had a baby together.

This probably should have been mentioned in your first post because now this brings up a whole new issue to consider. So let me see if I got this straight then. If he's too busy playing games to pay attention to you, then I can only guess that he probably doesn't do anything to take care of the child either? Am I right? Also, how old is the baby?

It was some what of a problem but not at first because we were doing drugs, once we stopped it started to get that way. After we stopped he started to play computer games, i was actually talking with other men that were my friends that could make me happy( not sexually)just as friends and he didn't even notice. He doesn't pay much attention to me to this day. When i was in the hospital having the baby he was on his computer talking to people, didn't know much of what was going on with me.

Yes I'm the only one who takes care of our son and hes is 4 months old

I have a feeling there's more to your situation than you have stated so far. First, I thought it was just between you and your husband. Then you mention that there is also a baby involved. And now you tell me that the two of you have done drugs. This next sentence may seem like prying but if you want the best help, it's always better for us to know what's going on. What else is going on in your lives that you haven't mentioned yet?

Originally posted by: Rachel FM
When i was in the hospital having the baby he was on his computer talking to people, didn't know much of what was going on with me.

It's time for you to make a choice. Do you really want to continue living your life with a "man" like this?

I agree with nova that there is much more to your story than you are stating. The fact that you both use to due drugs, and now don't can be a big factor in why you don’t have sex anymore. People change after going through drug addiction.

The other thing that could be causing the lack of sex is the fact that you have a young child. Men and women react differently when they have kids. Some could careless about sex anymore and some even go as far as being withdrawn because their life has changed so much from having this small child.

I personally think that the both of you could use some counseling and you should speak with him about it. If he is not willing to listen to you then you really should sit back and think about yourself. What is going to make your child and you happy? You want your child to grow up in a good environment.

Couple "throw-in" points:

He might want to have his testosterone checked. Low testosterone can cause a loss of sexual desire.

Antidepressants (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors, such as Paxil, Celexa, Lexapro, etc.) are notorious for suppressing libido.

Korean Red Ginseng has been shown to increase sexual desire and has basically no risks so long as the person isn't on certain heart medications. It's one of those things where there's nothing to lose. I use it and it does work!