Its mainly a case of physical strength and long arms... helps you pick them up you see!
Try carrying buckets of water around with you everywhere you go, that'll help.
Seriously there are plenty of fat guys with girls so don't worry about that, also there are plenty of jackasses with girls so don't worry about offending anyone either.
Basically you need to start talking to them, invite them out, seriously what's better to them, being at home alone and bored, or having fun & a laugh with you?
Sod poems, dancing, eating healthy & exercising, chances are they are not into them either...
What do you do with your guy friends when your with them? how do you treat them? I bet your entertaining and confident, be the same with women, & you'll get a girlfriend soon enough.
*Edit* eating healthier & exercising is good, being a more normal size might make some women who would say no to you now say yes... like you would say no to a fat bird now but if she lost weight you'd say yes! you don't have to be stunning, you just have to look "good enough" for the majority of the population, which isn't very good looking if you got a personality to go with it, think of your mates with GFs are they that good looking? really?