Ask Dan & Jennifer

I haven't had many relationships, but my pattern has been drawn-out break-ups that last way longer than a healthy relationship expiration date. My preference is to be on friendly terms with exes, and a few of them have used that to try to reconcile with me in the past. On a couple occasions, I have agreed to try to "work things out" with no success. So now I'm more cautious about being friends with exes. Two exes in particular have a pattern of getting back in touch with me every now and then even though it's been at least 3 years since our relationships ended. One ex in particular has a habit of calling out of the blue, striking up conversation for awhile, and then inviting me for coffee, see him perform somewhere, or something similar. Since we used to have a pattern of getting back together if we saw each other in person, I'm more than a bit cautious about meeting him. I do miss him and would like to be friends but don't want him thinking there's a chance for us to get back together, so I usually say no to the invitation. He then usually reacts by telling me not to contact him anymore (even though he's the one who contacts me first). After about 6 months, he calls or texts me again and rinse, wash, repeat. This has been going on for about 3 years. (Btw, can you tell that we broke up because of our inability to have productive emotional conversations?)

Another ex just recently started contacting me again, too. After about two texts, he asked for my advice on women. It felt awkward to be asked this so soon after we reconnected after years of not talking. Is this normal ex behavior? I would like to be friends with them (especially the first one), but don't want to lead anyone on. I need help de-coding the ex-speak. How can I tell the difference between an ex trying to get back together and an ex that wants to be just friends? And is it realistic to think I can be just friends with an ex if there's some negative emotional history there?