How can I tell if she's interested?

in Sex and Intimacy » Gay / Lesbian Sex and Dating • 3 years ago

I am 23 and lesbian. I have more recently found myself becomming very attached to one of my female friends. I haven't known her very long (around 8 months) and didn't feel anything at all to begin with. More recently though, I have found that I cannot stop thinking about her, I keep wanting to talk to her and just basically be with her. The only problem is I'm not even sure she's gay or curious or anything and I have no idea how to approach the subject. She knows I am and it doesn't bother her one bit. I have every respect for her feelings and would never just "jump in" there but a little scared at the same time of raising the issue as I don't know how she'd react.
Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do or what may or may not be the right thing to do!! Please help!!

Replies(4)

danandjen..

Does she give you any hints that she's interested in you?

3 years ago

Do you feel that she's giving you any hints at all that she may be interested romantically, or even open to it? Is she ever flirty with you? Does the conversation every "go there" with her leading it there?

And do you two spend much (or any) time alone together, doing whatever activities just the two of you? How does she act in those circumstances?

gntd02

Re: How can I tell if she's interested?

3 years ago

Thank you for your response.

To be honest, I have no clue at all! I did ask her if she's ever thought about it and her answer was "Yeah of course. Everyone is curious." I didn't dare ask any more on the subject so that conversation ended there! I guess I missed that chance! lol.

We don't spend too much time together. She has a child (yeah really!!!). We usually spend some time at her house at the weekend but the vast majority of that time her son is around. They're 11 so I'm rather careful what I discuss with them around.

We spent a bit of time together alone this past weekend - till all hours of the night where we just talked.. but mainly about life and feelings etc.. not sexual feelings.

There were a couple of instances where I thought she would be ok if I approached it, but didn't know for certain so never did.

Until this weekend I'd never gone anywhere near her. Because she knows I'm gay, I thought she'd run a mile if I ever hugged her or anything so I've kept a lot of distance. However, I asked if she wanted a hug at the end of the night and she was fine with that. Did not seem phased at all. However, that could all be in complete innocence.. I just really do not know and don't know how to go about finding out!!!

The other signs are hard to explain... as they're not at all clear... just the way she is at times... not exactly "doing" anything but just the way she acts...

I'm extremely confused!!! As I'm sure you can tell!!

bismarkar..

slowly slide in to it

3 years ago

now my not being female or homosexual in any way shape or form (?) i dont know how much help im going to be of to you but ill try my best.

My recommendation is that you slowly and suttely slide into the subject and than if she gives any hints towards intrest in the topic you can become a little more bold with it until she says outright that she isnt interested or that she is, or until you r both talking about it openly, if it gets to that point that is when if i were you id start flirting and slowly revealing my interest.

Hope this helps :D

tanya_in_..

What do your instincts tell you?

3 years ago

What do your instincts tell you about the situation? It seems like you're too afraid she won't react well so you're keeping a lot of distance, but when you two are alone, are there awkward moments where you think she might be thinking what you are? (Sorry if I'm confusing you, lol.) In my experience, both parties are usually too shy to say anything because they're both worried of being rejected, but if you feel she could be interested, try easing into the conversation, like bismarkarek said.

It could be that you just recently started to become attracted to her because she was giving you signals that she's interested in you. You might have missed out on this because you have been trying to keep some distance, but if you try to relax and be yourself around her, you mihgt see things in a different light. Maybe she is becoming curious and you can sense that she might be interested, which is spurring on your feelings as well.

I hope that helps - I know it can be difficult. Good luck.

Tanya in Austria