Ask Dan & Jennifer

After divorcing my ex I felt alive again, able to be me again instead of the good little housewife he wanted me to be. We were a total mismatch - I was 17 and wild and he was 32 and "stable" when we married - it only lasted a few months of his attitude toward me totally intensifying (in all the bad ways possible - no physical abuse, don't worry) before I told him I was going back to my mum's for a break.

That break turned into separation and divorce papers while I went kinda alkie, doped up and had a few one night things. My current bf was the one that helped me totally rebuild myself after all of it! I've been with him 2 1/2years now and he's like my soulmate. All my mates were so surprised how quickly I bounced back from it but of course I have Andy to thank for it as well as my bad memory LOL!

Until someone has been through a divorce, they can't comprehend the depth of the experience. The combining feelings of betrayal and guilt are incomprehensible. It's incomprehensible to have to hire an attorney to protect yourself from the person you thought you could trust most in the world. It's a numbing experience. At times, you're numb at times you blame the other person totally and at times you blame yourself totally.

The hardest thing is not to look at your new partner in terms of the old partner. The old saying "A once-scalded dog thinks twice." is very applicable.

For some people, the marriage ends years before the divorce. They have an easier time of the actual parting than do people who are surprised. They grieve the relationship before it ends.

If there are children, dating is definitely different. Every decision you make affects other people. Also, you're probably significantly older than when you were dating before. Dating is a different game as you are older. The biggest thing is that you're suddenly living in a world where almost everyone is married. When I was in college and a young professional, it seemed like girls were the "innocent" ones having to look out for guys with ulterior motives. Dating in your forties, you have to be very conscious that some women are looking for an income or an instant daddy for their kids. Also in the back of your mind is "It happened once; it may happen again."

In some ways, dating after divorce is exactly the same as it was before. I've dated a lot of women, many very beautiful and intelligent, and I still get nervous on dates. There's still the thrill of the first kiss and the first time you step into the bedroom. If you don't become bitter, those are exactly the same. There's the thrill of discovering a new person. I hope that never goes away. There's trying new things and meeting family, and it's still uncomfortable for everyone. We don't have to go parking, however. Even though, that's still fun.

There's still the same questions. "Does she want me to kiss her." "Does she really want to go to an action movie?" "Does she like me?" "Can I put my arm around her?" "Is my breath OK?" "Is my car OK?" "Am I calling too soon?" Those don't feel a lot different from high school.

So, take your pick. Some things are totally different and some are exactly the same.