How do I get her to think of me as more than a friend and how do get rid of the nice guy syndrome???

in Singles and Dating » Dating Tips and Advice • 3 years ago

Hello,

There is this girl at work i met recentlty.I was instantly attracted to her from day one. One day while at happy hour with a bunch of colleagues from work---we start talking about things at work and eventually it turns out that we have a lot in common. A couple of weeks later I meet her again at another local hangout place and we have both had a couple of drinks and feeling great. She approaches me and we both locked eyes and she smiled (u know that "love at first" feeling). At the end of the night we leave together and I drop her off at her place but realizing that she is really wasted i didnt take advantage of the situation--i respected and took her room and put her to bed and then i left (my friends said i should have went for it). The same thing happened when we went to friend's house party--i respected her space and i really liked her and was afraid i woudl have ruined things with a one night stand.

After this incident she labels as "the nice guy" and we have become great friends. I have tried several times to get her attention and hint that l would like to be more than just friends but every time i do she either doesnt take me seriously or its like she is ignoring me. All my friends tell me she is nothing but trouble b/c she previously had sexual relations with one of my close collegues. But regardless i still like her...i EVEN went out of my this past friday and decorated her office with flowers and candy for valentines day with a note on her desk that read, "here is a little something to cheer up your day---love your secret admirer" Her friends told she was so surprised and loved what i did but not knowing who was...later that afternoon i call at her house and asked how her day was and if she was going out later with the rest of us. She said "yes" and then i asked how did she like the flower/stuff for valentines day??? she replied "that was the nicest anybody has done for me in while" and then i told her the flowers were from me... and then she paused with a surprise reaction and immediately changed the subject,(not even a thank you). So then her friend emails me and tells me that she thinks she only likes me as a friend..grrr....
i have talked to several lady friends that i know and they have told me to cut ties with her and ignore her from now...they told me to tell her how i feel and to put my foot down next time...someone even suggested that this will make her rethink how she feels about me. And someone even suggested that i appear next time with another girl to make her jealous....

I dont know what to do anymore BUT i know i still like her and i know somewhere deep down she likes me...i am so confused and i have no idea on what to do...ive been completely "lovesick" couple of days...and now i find out that her internship will be over in 2 weeks and she will be going back home to europe....i really want to know if she likes me (at least). i cant stop thinking about and i dont want to let her go. PLEASE CAN SOMEONE HELP ASAP....I've seen your responses and u guys give great advice.

Thanks,

Joe in PA

Replies(3)

Beagle

Re: How do I get her to think of me as more than a friend and how do get rid of the nice guy syndrome???

3 years ago

OK, game time. You're not in but you're not out either. This is where you need to keep pursuing, but not too close. If you start talking about "forever", she's going to freak out and bolt and you'll never get anywhere.

Moving out of the friend zone is tough, but I have done it. Make your interactions fun. When you make eye contact, hold it just a little longer than is natural. When you look at her, instead of scanning, focus on the most attractive feature on her face-That perfect nose, cute little chin, whatever. that will give you dreamy eyes, and that turns girls on.

What you want to do is have her associate feeling good with being with you. We're ultimately pretty simple creatures; we like to feel good. When she comes to associate you with feeling good, that's how love begins to take hold.

You want to project that you like her company, but that you're only thinking one or two dates in the future. Lay off the flowers and tokens of affection. The number one way to shoot a relationship in the foot is to indicate you're thinking "forever" before they're ready to hear it. Just focus on getting one date, and make it fun and pleasant. Start with non-romantic physical contact. Taking her hand to guide her somewhere, hand on the shoulder, helping her with her jacket, etc. If it's going to happen, then it will escalate from there. You've got to study her body language to ensure that you're not escalating faster than she's comfortable with. I suspect that's why she's kind of taken aback. You can move past that, but you've got to back off a little, but not out of the picture.

Go today, and get a copy of "How to make anyone fall in love with you." (Corny title, I know.) It has great basic information on this area and it has great information on avoiding common mistakes. Good luck.

joe_in_pa

Speechless...you really know ur stuff!! thanks

3 years ago

damn that's really good advice, THANKS!! you really hit the nail on head..okay so now i may have went crazy with the flower and choclates things but there's a story behind that. She had recently gotten arrested for DUI and flipped her car (completely totaled). I was the first person she had called when it happened and first one to arrive at the scene (she's french and doesnt speak english that well). To make a long story short i pulled her out of the car and have been helping her with the legal ends of this matter. Last friday (13th) she was going to meet with lawyers to resolve the matter but when she met them they told there was nothing they could do...(i sort of knew this was going to happen).

So i thought buying her flowers and the choclates would help her get her mind off of the bad news for awhile. I didn't realize it would be intrepreted differently by her(until reading your response) my bad!! but ur response does explain alot as to why she was ignoring me...maybe she has mixed feelings and isnt sure what to do..maybe i should reassure her??? i was thinking of talking to her about it but i have a feeling it will be to awkward.. i think i'll stick with ur advice and move in slowly....but not to slowly b/c i only have like 2-3 weeks left with her before she goes back home..(i feel like im in one of those movies where the guy is running after the girl on the train..haha).

I will follow ur advice and see where this girls..what have i got to lose anyways...No guts no glory right...its on like donkey kong!! haha

femaleorg..

Develop your leadership skills

3 years ago

Leadership/status is the most attractive (super) trait to women. It has many components. Here's some to start you off:

Body language: Stand tall (but have relaxed shoulders) , take up space and don't break eye contact until the other person does. Don't fidget or let your eyes dart around.

Voice: Speak with a loud resonating voice and just a little bit slower than normal. Use more pauses. Hum all the time to develop resonance. Avoid the high-pitched, fast , whiney, approval-seeking "nice-guy" voice.

Words: Your sentence structure is short and simple. You use simple words because you're more interested in getting your message in the other person's head quickly rather than trying to sound intelligent. The ironic thing is that explaining things simply makes you sound intelligent. But, don't be so “logical” and “technically correct” when talking to women because this bores them. Instead be “cocky and funny”. See below for details.

Personality:

Resilience: You don't experience many negative emotions. It takes a lot for you to feel stress. You have a rapid rebound time. You don't complain or criticize. Even if you feel stress, you APPEAR cool, calm and collected.

Extraversion: You are relaxed and feel a lot of positive emotions. You are optimistic. You walk towards other people and start conversations. You have high self-esteem (you like yourself). You make other people feel good about themselves.

Explorer: You continually learn new things. Your life is filled with many interests and hobbies (this makes you interesting and mysterious). You like to visualize your goals. You love art and music.

Focused: You move towards your goals (rather than moving away from problems), You focus on one thing at a time until you've finished. You don't multi-task (because this causes stress, is unproductive and lowers your IQ more than smoking pot), You focus your attention for 2 hours at a time then you take a break for 20 minutes where you are completely unplugged. You continually improve yourself and your products. You eliminate distractions like cell phones, email, TV etc when you focus on your projects. When you focus, you are completely relaxed and in the zone.

Challenger: You don't let other people dominate you. You punish all bad behavior (build an arsenal of constructive criticism, witty insults, legal skills and martial arts skills). You say NO calmly (ie NOT arrogantly) to people or things that don't meet your high standards. You can become a vicious mad dog if someone crosses the line. Stop apologising for being you. Unless you break the law or act like a jerk, you've got nothing to be sorry for. Give yourself permission because no one ever will. Say to yourself “I give myself permission to do that thing and I deserve to have it.” You are OK with the reality that no one really cares about you, well at least not the way you care about yourself. You are OK with the reality that most people are focused on their own problems and they don't want to hear you complain. Most people couldn't care less if you were successful or not so stop seeking their approval. You are cocky AND funny. You say and do things that are part cocky AND part funny. Don't do too much cocky because you'll come off as an arrogant jerk. Don't use too much funny because you'll come off as goofy. “C & F” could also be described as ball-busting or playfully teasing. This is a counter-intutitve way of communicating with women that makes them extremely attracted to you. You can tell you're doing it right when she's laughing, pretending to be mad with you and playfully hitting you. Always end the interaction with women a little to soon and on a positive note.This will make them what you even more and they'll be thinking about you all the time.