Ask Dan & Jennifer

I understand you are going through lots of stress from this but you took a vow for better or worse. If she was in a car accident and could not have sex ever again would this be your answer? How about if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were an alcoholic and neglected her needs. Would you want her to cheat on you? I think not, you want your spouse to help you. So you must help her. It may take months or years but that’s what a marriage is. You re there for each other, good times or bad. Never give up.
Get to therapy
Plan dates outside of the house where she has no access to the video games
Invite friends over for a 4-some.
Delete the game while she is at work.
Do an intervention
Maybe I’m a bit out there with these but you get the idea.
Good luck. I hear about sexless marrages from lots of guys and I am sure it really hurts.
Hugs and Hissessss,
Maria

Maria is so right. What if it was the other way around? You would not be ok with that. Still, I totally understand where you're coming from. I agree that it is unfair that she is neglecting your needs. That really sucks. In all honesty, if the passion is gone, I'd get a divorce. She's taking you for granted. But you might be doing the same if you cheat on her. Don't expect loyalty from her if you don't return it. Unfortunately, I can't see a "for sure" way to solve this problem. Possibly try to be romantic? Candles and rose petals? It might work...but that might be a short term remedy. But it might reawaken her sexual side! Does she orgasm when you have sex? That might be anther problem.

Originally posted by: Sam in New York
Maria is so right. What if it was the other way around? You would not be ok with that.

I doubt if things were reversed, he'd even realize there was a problem, so it isn't valid to try to use that kind of construct here.

I'll probably catch some slack for this, but if you *really* love her and are just in need of sexual release, you might consider seeing a pro. If you do, be sure you're safe about it, pay in cash, and stay away from the street workers. Doing it this way makes it purely a sexual outlet. If you have a true "affair" you get entangled with the emotional side of it. If that's where you want to go, then I have to agree with those who'd advocate a divorce.

It all depends on what you two have to begin with. Can you communicate your feelings, longings, fantasies - Have you tried. Let her know with everything you got that it is frustrating the crap out of you and you need SEX. You need to feel needed. It sucks when needs aren't being met but don't give up on your spouse too easily. If my husband would have let me know that he was thinking about seeking sex from someone else my interest definately would have perked up. Now it is too late - you didn't exactly find what he was looking for in this other person although he got the relief that he needed at the moment. Now he has no trust from me, calls all the time nagging him, guilt, contantly trying to make things right; however, the one thing he did gain but would have gotton it without having to do all the other things is wild passionate sex. Anywhere, anytime, any position. We play out each other's fantasies and listen to what the other one wants and do our best to accommodate - but he will never have me look at him the same way I once did. I respected him so much that I was turning away offers from people and now I'm not so sure what I would do. I want sex from someone else so bad that it is killing me and he knows it. Surprise, surprise - he comes home on time now and refuses a lot of his overtime in fear that I may make this a reality and not just me toiling with the idea. Too bad we don't live closer to one another, we might have been able to work something out. Life is suppose to be enjoyable, but as you take a moment of happiness think about what the future holds and how much more miserable it can be. If your wife is the kind that want accommodate your needs, my advice to you is do it - but if you love her, don't ever EVER tell her. Keep me posted on how things work out between you two!

Later - Mel

Try playing the online game with her-if that is what she's truly interested in, then it may help to bring you closer together.
And about your sex life: she likes the game? try doing a role play based on the game.
DON'T HAVE AN AFFAIR! Whatever you do, do not ruin all chance of getting the relationship to work. Try to base your life around the games a little, make sure you're becoming closer this way, not by having an affair.

An affaire is never the right answer. It hurts everyone and will put your kids in a bad situation as well. It would be better to confront her that your needs are not being met and that something needs to be done. See a marriage counselor if you need to!:)

Don't do it. I am a clinical psychologist and you have no comprehension of the pain affairs cause women. Also, you have no idea how bad it can get. If you think things are bad now; imagine your children losing their respect for you; your coworkers stop talking when you enter the room. Everyone has a fantasy about how great an affair will be. The fantasy needs to include the downside. Don't do it. This is what marriage counselors are for. If you aren't willing to do that, then be a man and leave. Don't let her hear about it at the beauty shop.

Maybe the best answer is to place the computer along side the tv and sell it at a yard sale.

I just had the same thing happen to me and my husband was cheating, We are trying to work things out. The best thing you could do is talk to her and tell her what you are thinking of doing. My husband did not talk to be until it was to late. Not knowing for years what he was missing (call me blind) made us both let the relationship suffer.
I am hurt and having a hard time trusting the things he tells me and always felling that ma by he is regretting ending the affair. he assures me that he is not but i have to trust that this is true. There are going to be so many things that is going to make fixing our relationship hard because of how things went down. So in the end tell her everything and hope this will make her realize what she is doing. I hope this is not to much rambling for you but this only happened to me over Christmas so my thoughts are still a little bit messed up.
take care and good luck.

Agree with most here that having an affair would be stupid. The vows are what they are, like it or not. A couple of additional thoughts. Are you sure your wife isn't having an affair? Being addicted to online games sounds more like a phase, something she will eventually loose interest in, or at least to the degree that she is doing it now. But she may be using games as an excuse not to be with you.

However, for yourself, I would recommend (as well as getting therapy and the other advice above) is to invest some time in yourself. Read some good books, find a new hobby that you enjoy, take the kids to the park and if your not already the picture of health start working out and getting that 6-pack. Your wife desires the adventure of life and a healthy sex life just as much as you do, even if she appears not to. Happy people, who look good and are having fun are irresistible. Seeing ones spouse be that person may help kick things into gear for her, and realize the life she is missing out on by playing games.

HTH...

Do not do it.
find ways together to be a couple.
go to councellig
do anything but have the afiar
i went the other way
after 5 years of crap sex once every 2 months and then none 4 a year i had an affair
amazing sex - did not think it was possible to make someoe else feel so good and that felt so right.

My wife found out.
Being hit by a train would have hurt less than the pain i feel by hurting her and destroying my credibility.

It is not worth it. If you love your wife find ways to be happy together.
wish i did. hope we can be again sometime.

best of luck.

How to have a successful affair: you don't.
Don't stop reading this. I understand why people suggest you should do something that you don't want to do, but that doesn't mean you should ignore their opinions. I just want to say that.
The way I see it, you could either tell your wife how you feel, try to endure, or, if you're fixed on having an affair, tell your wife that you want to.
Sounds stupid, but if ask your wife whether or not you can, she might either agree, saying sorry or some such thing, say no, or she might realize how much she's 'neglecting' you. I put that in inverted commas because she might have lost her sex drive. The point is, if she feels sorry for you, she might decide to give you what you want.
A final, slightly evil, possibility; don't tell her, but if you know enough about the internet, you can get a computer to access a non-existent server. That way she won't be able to play the game and, if she doesn't play the game for a while (from three days to three weeks), she'll lose the fixation.
Note: if you want to know about the techy side to this comment, just ask. I don't pretend to be an expert but i know a fair bit.

i didnt talk to the mrs
i cheated
i told her after way too long as i was adicted to the game of sEX.

i am alone - separated from the best friend i ever had (my wife).

Its so not worth it.

Tell her you're thinking about cheating. Tell her you love her and don't want to ruin your relationship but you have needs. Ask her if she feels fulfilled by you as well. What needs might you be neglecting for her?

Hi Shewolfe,

i know about needs.
Have lived with the female equavilent of a premature ejaculator for years.

But whn she does not want i am not going to ask.

If i can meet the needs of another but still desparately want and love my wife the choice is hard.

I need to now work out if she loved me before and if not then there is no hope.

Communication is the key, not just about sex, but love, feelings honesty all

will keep u posted.

we all know that if you are playing online games you are pretty much exposed to thousands of people playing the same game, and there are possibilities that your wife is having an affair online, if you really want to figure this one, try to join her and show that you are interested with what she was doing, this might help to discover what she was really thinking also it might turn her on.

always be by her side, bear with her if you really love her, if you wanted to break the routine, have a family vacation, look for places where only nature exist, a week or month might bring her back in reality, while on vacation show how much you really care and how much you wanted her back in your life, make her feel special in OUTRAGEOUS ways.