Ask Dan & Jennifer

Dude, if you move to "I love you" too soon you'll scare her off. Love is a process and it has to develop. Telling her how you really feel only gets the girl in movies aimed at teenagers. I made that mistake enough as a young man. In reality we get people to like us by spending time with them and being likable. Just ask her out and let the feeling grow.

Trust me on something and get a copy of this book.

Amazon.com: Love Tactics: How to Win the One You Want: Thomas W. McKnight, Robert H. Phillips: Books

Originally posted by: Beagle
Dude, if you move to "I love you" too soon you'll scare her off. Love is a process and it has to develop. Telling her how you really feel only gets the girl in movies aimed at teenagers. I made that mistake enough as a young man. In reality we get people to like us by spending time with them and being likable. Just ask her out and let the feeling grow.

Trust me on something and get a copy of this book.

Amazon.com: Love Tactics: How to Win the One You Want: Thomas W. McKnight, Robert H. Phillips: Books

Ya but i have given her 4 years. and she finally admited to liking me 2 years ago for 6 months but i never made a move so she forgot about me. she maybe could still have a little feelings for me? i dont know....

Then you're basically starting over. You've got to change her mindset to "That was then, this is now." You ask her out and do things with her that are fun. You relax and have fun. Eventually, when you walk her to her door you put your hand on her hip (Yes, on her hip) lean in and kiss her on the mouth. She'll either stop you or she'll respond. Then walk away and call her the next day.

She liked you, then she didn't. That's fine. There's no reason you can't reawaken an interest. Get the book. It helped me greatly. If it's not worth every penny, contact me directly and I'll refund your money.

Originally posted by: Beagle
Then you're basically starting over. You've got to change her mindset to "That was then, this is now." You ask her out and do things with her that are fun. You relax and have fun. Eventually, when you walk her to her door you put your hand on her hip (Yes, on her hip) lean in and kiss her on the mouth. She'll either stop you or she'll respond. Then walk away and call her the next day.

She liked you, then she didn't. That's fine. There's no reason you can't reawaken an interest. Get the book. It helped me greatly. If it's not worth every penny, contact me directly and I'll refund your money.

Dude are you sure? i can walk her home and maybe just maybe put my hand on her hip but kiss her. i think she would stop me and never talk to me again. She is a very emotional girl and im only 14 years old i honestly dont think im ready to kiss her. at least i dont think i am??? I think she might get mad. plus honestly im not sure if im a good kisser.. help me please.,.....

I didn't realize you were 14. My bad. No, don't try that tactic then. Just be around her and be low-pressure and funny and likable. Things change all the time at that age. I was thinking you were a young adult. You write very well, by the way.

Just relax, be funny, and see what happens. relationships in early teens are generally fleeting. Don't hang too much on that one girl. You need to develop other friendships with girls, and just let things develop.

The hand on hip thing works when a guy (older) thinks he is getting sent to the "friend zone." She either reciprocates or never speaks to you again. Either way, you don't get sent to the friend zone. You just need to hang with her and see where things go.

Originally posted by: Beagle
I didn't realize you were 14. My bad. No, don't try that tactic then. Just be around her and be low-pressure and funny and likable. Things change all the time at that age. I was thinking you were a young adult. You write very well, by the way.

Just relax, be funny, and see what happens. relationships in early teens are generally fleeting. Don't hang too much on that one girl. You need to develop other friendships with girls, and just let things develop.

The hand on hip thing works when a guy (older) thinks he is getting sent to the "friend zone." She either reciprocates or never speaks to you again. Either way, you don't get sent to the friend zone. You just need to hang with her and see where things go.

see the problem is i still very well need to tell her my feelings. i talk to her everyday at school and at home and when i talk to her i feel like my life couldent be better. but as soon as i hang up i turn into my depression mood. i get very angry and have very bad chest pain and cant breath even tho we just talked. and if we get into a fight and she decides to ignore me it gets really bad. see is in EVERY class that im in she sits right next to me. i even go to the bathroom and cry.. it doesnt seem like a man is suppost to do that but i do.. and now we are goin into diffrent high schools and i dont even live near her so we both think that eventually we will end up not talking. but i need to tell her my TRUE feelings. like i said in the first place i never say i love someone not even my parents. but all i can think about is her. and i just want to tell her "I LOVE YOU"............

No offense, but at 14 I'm just not sure that's a realistic goal. Attraction is something that takes time to build. If you're just likable and relaxed around her, she will come to count on you for that. Then, you have to steer it toward romantic interest. In the movies the guy declares his love, and the girl responds. In real life, it scares her off. The fastest way I've ever shot myself in the foot with a girl was trying to move toward commitment ("going steady") too fast.

You need to take some time and work on you. Develop an interesting life with a lot of friends and activities so that she see's you as interesting, not as desperate. Desperate is a huge turnoff. Proclaiming your feelings probably won't produce the results you want.

I came here for advice as an ADULT. i know im 14 and i understand that but we are very very close friends and she has told me SOME of her feelings so i think that i should tell her some of my feelings. just because im 14 people think we dont have feelings... well we do. and thats why the teen suacide rate has gone UP. because of people telling them there 2 young or thery dont know what love is. well i have news for them LOVE is a totally diffrent defintion in everyones mind. so for me please talk to me like an adult so i can get advice and decide what i should do. :(

Posenfire911: I'm sorry I made you angry. Please don't forget that I've been 14. I know what it's like to love someone and not feel you can talk to them.

The reason I gave you the advice I did is that I see you doing something that's not going to produce the results you want. You've got to win a girl's heart gradually. Love has three elements: Friendship, respect, and passion. You've got to develop the first one first. Then, it can develop to passion.

There are 14 year olds who are capable of longterm committed relationships. However, they are in the small majority. I was mainly thinking of her. Chances are very slim that she's also someone who is going to settle into a long-term committed relatinship at this point in her life. I'm not saying it's not possible; I am saying it's not likely.

Posenfire911, I'm afraid you're wanting me to tell you what you want to hear. The only promise is that I'll shoot straight with you and tell you what I think ; right or wrong. I may be wrong. I'm afraid you're making a mistake by not just proceeding slowly. The fastest way to shoot a relationship in the foot is by moving too fast, which is what you're thinking about doing. There's maybe a 10% chance that she's going to respond the way you want her to if you proclaim your feelings for her. This is one of those situations where slow and steady wins the race. Girls are as commitment phobic as guys sometimes. Commitment is an act of the mind and will, where attraction is a matter of the heart. What you're doing is trying to win her head before you've won her heart.

So ur saying to give the friendship more time than 4 years to me I think that's a very long time already. Or are u saying to just give up? But I don't even want to go out with her I just want to exspress my feeling in the hope that our friendship is still going to be fine .... I just don't want to go to high school an still haven't told her my true feelings... But if u were in my postion what would you do???

When I was your age, I would probably do exactly what you're thinking about doing. LOL. That's why I'm telling you not to do it.

Since, you have the friendship in place, you just need to start escalating it. Start dropping romantic hints. What I'm saying not to do is to declare your undying love for her and seek a commitment. That's a guaranteed bomb for a relationship if the girl isn't ready to hear that.

Please get the book I recommended. It will answer all your questions. It is the book that helped me overcome striking out and start dating sucessfully.

ya but ......... Man I don't want a relationship with her I just want her to know my feelings about..

Posenfire911: Apparently, I am totally confused. Usually when people say that, they mean they want to start a realationship. Maybe I just dont' know what your goal is.

I just want to tell her my feelings.. I don't want to go out with her.. I just want my feelings to be heard.. Are u kidding me in jr high popularity is big. And in school she will ignore me but out of school she's is my best friend always comeing to me with problems. So I just want to tell her my feelings

and learn the hard way for yourself.

"Wanting to be heard" is not a very good goal. Wanting her to feel the same way about you is better. Do that by developing your leadership skills so you can tell her and not only will she NOT feel weird, she will be glad you said it. But, develop your leadership skills FIRST.

Leadership/status/popularity is the most attractive (super) trait to women/girls. It has many components. Here's some to start you off:

Body language: Stand tall (but have relaxed shoulders) , take up space and don't break eye contact until the other person does. Don't fidget or let your eyes dart around.

Voice: Speak with a loud resonating voice and just a little bit slower than normal. Use more pauses. Hum all the time to develop resonance. Avoid the high-pitched, fast , whiney, approval-seeking "nice-guy" voice.

Words: Your sentence structure is short and simple. You use simple words because you're more interested in getting your message in the other person's head quickly rather than trying to sound intelligent. The ironic thing is that explaining things simply makes you sound intelligent. But, don't be so “logical” and “technically correct” when talking to women because this bores them. Instead be “cocky and funny”. See below for details.

Personality:

Resilience: You don't experience many negative emotions. It takes a lot for you to feel stress. You have a rapid rebound time. You don't complain or criticize. Even if you feel stress, you APPEAR cool, calm and collected.

Extraversion: You are relaxed and feel a lot of positive emotions. You are optimistic. You walk towards other people and start conversations. You have high self-esteem (you like yourself). You make other people feel good about themselves.

Explorer: You continually learn new things. Your life is filled with many interests and hobbies (this makes you interesting and mysterious). You like to visualize your goals. You love art and music.

Focused: You move towards your goals (rather than moving away from problems), You focus on one thing at a time until you've finished. You don't multi-task (because this causes stress, is unproductive and lowers your IQ more than smoking pot), You focus your attention for 2 hours at a time then you take a break for 20 minutes where you are completely unplugged. You continually improve yourself and your products. You eliminate distractions like cell phones, email, TV etc when you focus on your projects. When you focus, you are completely relaxed and in the zone.

Challenger: You don't let other people dominate you. You punish all bad behavior (build an arsenal of constructive criticism, witty insults, legal skills and martial arts skills). You say NO calmly (ie NOT arrogantly) to people or things that don't meet your high standards. You can become a vicious mad dog if someone crosses the line. Stop apologising for being you. Unless you break the law or act like a jerk, you've got nothing to be sorry for. Give yourself permission because no one ever will. Say to yourself “I give myself permission to do that thing and I deserve to have it.” You are OK with the reality that no one really cares about you, well at least not the way you care about yourself. You are OK with the reality that most people are focused on their own problems and they don't want to hear you complain. Most people couldn't care less if you were successful or not so stop seeking their approval. You are cocky AND funny. You say and do things that are part cocky AND part funny. Don't do too much cocky because you'll come off as an arrogant jerk. Don't use too much funny because you'll come off as goofy. “C & F” could also be described as ball-busting or playfully teasing. This is a counter-intutitve way of communicating with women that makes them extremely attracted to you. You can tell you're doing it right when she's laughing, pretending to be mad with you and playfully hitting you. Always end the interaction with women a little to soon and on a positive note.This will make them what you even more and they'll be thinking about you all the time.

I saw this and I thought of your situation.

“Let’s face it, words are cheap and easily forgotten, but the act of truly showing you care about someone with kindness and a good heart will always be a stronger influence in the mind of the one you want than just the spoken word. So show ‘em…don’t tell ‘em!”
--Tom McKnight

Thank you guys for the positive comments and helping me when I couldent even talk to my own family... Sometimes it's better to trust a stranger instead of someone you know. I still need advice in how I can aprove my socializing skills because I get so nervous when I talk to anyone face to face. I start to sweat and getvso nervous I half to eather pass out or walk away ........

You're obviously intelligent and capable. There's just some skills you need to learn. Talking to girls is just like any skill: Some are born more of it than others, but everyone can learn it. Please humor me and get some books that I'm recommending. You don't need a lot; just a little tweaking to your approach.

I was the high-school nerd; couldn't of gotten a date with a shotgun. I thought there was something wrong with me, but it soon became apparent that I just needed a different approach. What you say to yourself is crucial in these situations. You can talk yourself into a panic, or talk yourself into acting in spite of your fears. The first book, corny title and all, is how I started being successful in dating girls. If you get it and don't think it's worth every penny, I'll personally refund your money. I've made that offer a lot and I have yet to buy one back. Actually, I'm a counselor who works with people and I have to keep buying new ones because my old ones keep wandering off. Best wishes.

Amazon.com: Love Tactics: How to Win the One You Want: Thomas W. McKnight, Robert H. Phillips: Books

Amazon.com: Intimate Connections: David D. Burns: Books

without the books what do I think I should do to improve my communication and socializing skills

There's a lot of really good stuff on this website.

Success comes from good judgment.
Good judgment comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgment.

If you just get out there and start socializing, you'll find out what works and what doesn't. Ultimately you have to do that anyway. The books can really help you avoid a lot of trail-and-error work, however. There's no use making someone else's mistakes. The posts you've written could have been written by me when I was your age. I had to learn what didn't work. Getting too wrapped up in one person too soon is one thing I found just doesn't work.

orgetvthos I'm just going to go up that girl and ask her out

Good 4 You.

Beagle

wish me luck.:)

I don't want to spoil anything for you, but the odds are currently not in your favor. You're in what most people would call the friendzone. Is it possible to get out? Yes. Is it easy? Not quite.

The problem is, in her head, she's likely not even considered the faintest possibility in dating you. She seems you as a decent person, but depending on how you act, she may or may not have respect for you. This, here, is the most crucial element. It's more important that your physical appearance or anything else. If she respects you, you're in.

Let me ask you this, if she called you at 3 in the morning and she asked you if you could go get her some food to make her feel better, would you?

Originally posted by: Exavion
I don't want to spoil anything for you, but the odds are currently not in your favor. You're in what most people would call the friendzone. Is it possible to get out? Yes. Is it easy? Not quite.

The problem is, in her head, she's likely not even considered the faintest possibility in dating you. She seems you as a decent person, but depending on how you act, she may or may not have respect for you. This, here, is the most crucial element. It's more important that your physical appearance or anything else. If she respects you, you're in.

Let me ask you this, if she called you at 3 in the morning and she asked you if you could go get her some food to make her feel better, would you?

I dident have the balls to ask her out because she wad having a fight with her ex.. And she has respect for me as a friend and I have respect for her. And if she called me 3 in the morning I would go with her. I would sneak out of my house and go with her because that's the kind of person I am because she would do the same for me

Originally posted by: posenfire911
I dident have the balls to ask her out because she wad having a fight with her ex.. And she has respect for me as a friend and I have respect for her. And if she called me 3 in the morning I would go with her. I would sneak out of my house and go with her because that's the kind of person I am because she would do the same for me

The problem is, girls don't subconsciously operate like this. To her, you're a wonderful friend, but because of the way you act towards her, for example, doing anything to please her even over your own well being, she isn't sexually attracted to you.

To get a girl, you have to treat them like an equal, not a superior. Don't worship her or place her above yourself. :)

Originally posted by: Exavion
The problem is, girls don't subconsciously operate like this. To her, you're a wonderful friend, but because of the way you act towards her, for example, doing anything to please her even over your own well being, she isn't sexually attracted to you.

To get a girl, you have to treat them like an equal, not a superior. Don't worship her or place her above yourself. :)

dude I don't want to go out with her I just want to tell her my feelings nothing more!!!!!!!

Well if you have feelings for her, it stands to reason you'd like to be more than friends, no?

Originally posted by: Exavion
Well if you have feelings for her, it stands to reason you'd like to be more than friends, no?

Most of the time it neans that but in this situation it means that I just want to tell her my feelings and still be good friends like I've have been

So you have no desire to get intimate with her at all?

my life just got100 x worst. I gave her a homemade poem that took me 2 weeks to write and all she's said is thanks and then I wanted to talk about it and she said I don't want to talk about it.

Yeah like I said man, you can't do that. You likely freaked her out because she never thought of you like that and doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

If it's any comfort, I've tried the same thing. Got the same results. If I ever write a book, it's going to be called "Stupid things I have done that you shouldn't do."

I what should I do to make her feel better?

I'm not sure she feels bad.

than what is she feeling and why won't she talk to me. And how do we become friends again

I'd say she's feeling freaked out. Best thing to do now is leave her alone. Maybe several months down the road...

are u kidding me??

Not a bit.

Fuck this I come for advice and u tell me to forget her. Dude who the fuck are u?

The point is, she's scared and confused because she had no idea you felt like this towards her, and the odds are she doesn't feel the same way towards you. I'm sorry. Women just don't want to hear this sort of stuff, especially if you're not even dating her. :(

So what should I do then I can't just let her go....................someone help me

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your only hope is to disappear from her life for a while, then come back, a changed and different person. A new person, that she'll respect.

I just talked to her and she said she wants to talk to me face to face tommarrow. What should I say to her? Or wat should I do ??????

Hmm, that's interesting. I'd say, talk to her, but be cool and nonchalant.

well this can go good or bad. I'm scared. Life sucks. Like I said I gave her the poem and she dident want to talk to me. But I also had a peace of paper in the envilope that said " there are points that I want u to figure out and there is a point that is the most important"... And she said I'm not sure what that point is. And I want to talk to u face to face tommarrow. Well that point is " I LOVE U" I guess I half to finally come out and say it.........

Well, you're obviously set in your ways, so I'll just wish you good luck. :)

but how do I come about saying "l love you"

don*t take tension first.always present himself as a simple boy.take him with surprise at the nature beauty & propose him with the flowers.if she loves you then she also react in positive sense.if she smile understand that she also like you dude.GO