Ask Dan & Jennifer

Thanks and welcome!!

This is a very big for your situation: has the emotional problem truly been resolved? Great sex is mostly mental - the physical is very important as well, but I love that quote about "your biggest sex organ is between your ears".

So... do you two feel very connected? and do you feel that you can share any concerns safely - without anyone's ego blowing up? learning to control the ego is a huge secret to harmonious relationships. getting angry, screaming, all that B.S. is just ego stroking, it's useless. and it does way more harm than the brief feel-good the ego gets from it.

one rule we have: in any disagreement, the word "You" is prohibited. if you begin words with "you did", "you said", etc... that's attacking, and a way to make a fight. just ask yourself: do you want to win a fight, or win your relationship?

If it's truly a question of stamina, something further to consider...
1. are you eating well? Pizza, pasta, etc. makes you lethargic, not good for your sex life... healthy food makes you more energetic, often leads to more sex - seriously
2. are you working out? maybe even together? if you don't, try it...

there's not one answer to this, but a lot of variables... start tackling them one at a time and it should help...

oh, btw - pls try to not "bold" your posts, it looks neater that way. ;)

Ah stress, another popular dragon. Been there, done that, and it still comes up for all of us. :-)

I can tell you what I did personally that reduced my stress amazingly. i had high blood pressure since my late teens, and in a couple of months I made it literally go away. that's the power of relieving stress - i think most ailments can be cured if we find the reason "underneath" for them.

Here it is: we both took up regular meditation. The point is not to "meditate", whatever that means to whoever reads that word. The point is to calm the crazy mind which is usually freaking out like a neurotic wild animal on speed.

So you sit still in a comfortable place for 10 mins or more, close your eyes, and focus with all your will on nothing - truly on calming all the insane chatter in the brain and making it quiet inside.

Getting your mind to focus on nothing and push aside all your other problems and concerns (just say "i'll get to that later") is a very interesting exercise and will help you get centered and less stressed.

What helped me to relax and meditate regularly was a CD program called Holosync, we still use it daily after 4 years. They have a lot of advanced levels, etc... but your focus is to get the free demo and see how it feels. then maybe get level one - keep it simple. I'm not going to go into the subliminal benefits of holosync and all that stuff, that's for another day; you just want something that helps you dive to a state of peace (alpha level) and stay there easily.

We go through a lot of personal growth stuff (actually starting a site on that topic in a few weeks - watch the strip of links at the top of our website for the link). What I like about Holosync is that it's SIMPLE. you don't have to "learn" anything. just find a comfy chair where you'll be left alone for 10 mins, get a CD player and earbuds (oh yeah, you must use headphones/earbuds for this) and hit "Play". You just listen to the soothing sounds (plus the submilimal stuff that helps take you down fast, that's key) and you let your mind get calm, that's it. Get the Holosync demo CD and see how it works for you.

And something else to consider... be sure you're focusing not just on the sex, but on the lead-up... after all, it's not just about sex in bed. it's about playing and enjoying one another indoors, outdoors, in the bed, out of the bed, etc... back to the brain being the biggest sex organ.

Play games, tease one another, plan sexy romantic fun stuff you'll do together. maybe early in the week start planning that really hot date for Friday evening, so by the time it's there you're both looking forward to it.

And here's a fun one... The Fantasy Box

Start exploring each other's fantasies. seriously, short on time today but we have an idea called the "fantasy box". you each write a few pieces of paper, each with a secret fantasy, and put them all in the box. then on "hot date night" you pull out a random one from the box. nothing like letting loose some hot intimate sexual fantasies to bring you closer together and encourage some amazing sex. :-)

let us know how it goes!

That's awesome TJ, let us know how it goes!

And I invite you to join in to as many discussions here in the Forums as you're comfortable, the more the merrier! Help us help as many people as possible.

These techniques involve tapping pressure points on your body to release trapped emotional stress. More and more medical doctors are having success with EFT. Check out YouTube for a demonstration and get a free ebook at EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)

everything went great last night! we had an awesome night together.

we had a great night out followed by the most romantic night weve shared in a VERY long time. :D (and i dont think i have to worry about the stamina thing.. we made love for almost 2 hours ;) ) and it was really nice because we cuddled in the nude for i think what was the longest time since weve been together.

i think everything is as it should be now. the emotional part of our relationship played a gigantic part in our love making last night.. and she seemed to be quite happy and satisfied when we were finished. i think emotionally, it felt like our first time all over again.

thank you again for some excellent advice and thank you guys for letting me be part of your awesomly helpful site! :D

-TJ