Ask Dan & Jennifer

I've only been fortunate enough to have one partner who enjoyed anal sex. And it was great! The feeling is much tighter and uniformly firmer than vaginal sex. While my girlfriend enjoyed it on occasion, she didn't receive enough pleasure from it to do it often.

Your boyfriend can't realistically expect this to be a routine part of sex. You should tell him if it doesn't give you a lot of pleasure. Or require him to go down on you EVERY TIME you have sex. Say it must always include orgasm through oral (for you) if he is always going to enjoy anal with you. While men are willing to go down on a woman and might even enjoy it, it can be hard on the neck and isn't as "sexy" as other activities.

He's grow tired of going down on you and then you won't have to offer anal every time.

Or just make it clear that anal is limited to special occasions.

My wife won't even consider the idea - even though vaginal sex can be painful for her.

I can sympathize with you. I had a friend with benefits who really enjoyed anal too. As far as the safety issue, as long as you're always using a good lube and he's being gentle there shouldn't be any safety issues. But the issue is pleasure. Sex should be pleasurable for both (or all) partners. This is not to say that the occasional "taking one for the team" or in this case for your partner isn't off limits. Sometimes doing something you're not crazy about is fine if it pleases your partner but not all the time. As Scarbowl said, you can make a demand of him as he is doing to you. That's the old giving him a taste of his own medicine. However, I feel the best way to approach this initially is to tell him you don't mind doing anal from time to time as you know he enjoys it, but that it is not pleasurable for you. Let him know what you do like that he does, don't be all negative. I'm sure there are parts that you enjoy, and be sure to stress those, and tell him how much you like him inside you (vaginally) and how good it feels. :D

Hope this helps.

Things like that take the joy out of sex! It's not worth it to enhance his sexual experience if it takes away from yours. Remember, it's your body. You get to decide where he gets to stick his penis. He's privileged that he gets to stick it anywhere! You have sex because you both enjoy it, and you both want it. If you don't like anal, what's the point? Don't do that to yourself.

Originally posted by: Sam in New York
...... He's privileged that he gets to stick it anywhere! You have sex because you both enjoy it, and you both want it. .....

I agree with what you said except for the above. Sex is a part of marriage - it isn't a privilege. If someone is being abusive then leave them, otherwise they have the right to expect sex. And it should be pleasurable for both, I agree. But it isn't a privilege if it's a relationship.

Originally posted by: scarbowl
it isn't a privilege if it's a relationship.

Ok, I wasn't being too serious. What I meant was he doesn't get to do anything he wants thinking he deserves it. But i still have to say, if a woman doesn't want to have sex in a relationship as often as the man wants to, maybe that relationship should end. She has no obligation, it has to be mutual. If he thinks he's being neglected, I think he would be completely in the right to look for another relationship. You have to be looking for the same thing. What good is sex when the woman thinks it's a chore? That's no fun at all!

Edit: but you are completely right about sex being apart of marriage. it is unfair for a woman to expect a life long relationship without sexually satisfying her husband. But It shouldn't be a chore!

Edit Edit: And I admit I was wrong for using the word "privileged." That was dumb.

Speaking from personal experience as a male. I think he wants it all the time because it is new and still taboo to him. Much like any sex act that is new to us and something we have not explored too much. It will come down to how much do you like it. That has a lot to do with how it is done. If it is something you are into then you both might want to study up on the subject. Done properly it will be the most intense orgasm you could have. Done wrong there are many things that can go wrong and hurt you. Be informed and be safe.

To have anal orgasms you need strong orgasm muscles and you need to be able to have multiple G spot orgasms.

So start with G spot orgasms: G spot orgasm | Female ejaculation | Squirting

Move towards anal orgasms, and then YOU want be able to get enough anal.