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Some info about me: I'm in the my thirtys, I've been in a number of sexual relationships. My girlfriend is in her late twenties, is a virgin, and has never been in a serious relationship. When we first started out, she was very stand-offish: she wouldn't let me kiss her the first time I tried, saying she was "mean." Things moved on to kissing and making out, but she wouldn't let me touch her down there. The first time I, without thinking, put my hands down the back of her pants, she threatened to kill me if I did it again - not literally, of course, but she meant business. When we had the sex talk, she told me she waiting for marriage, and that she wouldn't sleep with me. I almost left at that point, but she pulled me back in, saying that "maybe someday" we would decide to have sex.
However, things didn't really progress the way I wanted it to, and we broke up. I told her it was very sexually unsatisfying being with her. We got back together, and things happened very rapidly. We were naked together, she started giving me handjobs. I let her know that I wanted a sexual relationship with her, just to be clear. She acknowledged what I had said, and we stayed together. She said for things to go further (oral sex, intercourse), I would need an STD test, which I got. Something was still gnawing at me, and we fought often...later I realized that the main problem was that she just isn't very emotional, or demonstrative...she doesn't tell me what she wants or how I make her feel. I want the feeling, the desire to be mutual.
Anyway, she's told me recently she wants to have sex with me, but she's worried that we'll break up if we do. There have been some times where we've come close to breaking up, but mainly because I was at the end of my rope - I felt like I was banging my head against the wall with her. I never knew how she felt, or if she even thought about me sexually, that sort of thing. I told her I wanted her to tell me how she feels, and how I make her feel. I told her that when I make her orgasm, I feel good because I'm making her feel good. She seemed to like that. So she's trying to be more vocal now, which is good. I just don't know how to proceed.
When I told her that my test was clean, she replied with "are you sure?!?" Then she went on the web and got a list of some STDs that my $250 8-test panel hadn't covered. I felt, well, kinda cheated. I told her to email me the list, but she hasn't yet. She also shies away from my genitals coming close to hers; we get each other off and sleep naked, but it still seems like acts of service as opposed to a mutual connection. I really want that with her; it feels like something is missing. I've been talking more about sex with her (planting the seed, so to speak), and she tells me she likes to hear that, but I don't know if it turns her on. She still has her hymen, and doesn't want me to penetrate just yet. "Maybe someday soon," she tells me.
It's really getting tough for me; when she's giving me a handjob and asks me if I like it, I reply yes...but I'm thinking I want more. For a while I felt bad about wanting that with her, but now I've come to the conclusion that a) this is the way I am, and b) I've been very clear with her about my expectations. So for all you people that would say "if you love her enough, you'd wait," my response is this: I love myself too, and cannot remain in an unfulfilling relationship - it will just kill my spirit. Sorry for the length of this post. Any ideas anyone?
However, things didn't really progress the way I wanted it to, and we broke up. I told her it was very sexually unsatisfying being with her. We got back together, and things happened very rapidly. We were naked together, she started giving me handjobs. I let her know that I wanted a sexual relationship with her, just to be clear. She acknowledged what I had said, and we stayed together. She said for things to go further (oral sex, intercourse), I would need an STD test, which I got. Something was still gnawing at me, and we fought often...later I realized that the main problem was that she just isn't very emotional, or demonstrative...she doesn't tell me what she wants or how I make her feel. I want the feeling, the desire to be mutual.
Anyway, she's told me recently she wants to have sex with me, but she's worried that we'll break up if we do. There have been some times where we've come close to breaking up, but mainly because I was at the end of my rope - I felt like I was banging my head against the wall with her. I never knew how she felt, or if she even thought about me sexually, that sort of thing. I told her I wanted her to tell me how she feels, and how I make her feel. I told her that when I make her orgasm, I feel good because I'm making her feel good. She seemed to like that. So she's trying to be more vocal now, which is good. I just don't know how to proceed.
When I told her that my test was clean, she replied with "are you sure?!?" Then she went on the web and got a list of some STDs that my $250 8-test panel hadn't covered. I felt, well, kinda cheated. I told her to email me the list, but she hasn't yet. She also shies away from my genitals coming close to hers; we get each other off and sleep naked, but it still seems like acts of service as opposed to a mutual connection. I really want that with her; it feels like something is missing. I've been talking more about sex with her (planting the seed, so to speak), and she tells me she likes to hear that, but I don't know if it turns her on. She still has her hymen, and doesn't want me to penetrate just yet. "Maybe someday soon," she tells me.
It's really getting tough for me; when she's giving me a handjob and asks me if I like it, I reply yes...but I'm thinking I want more. For a while I felt bad about wanting that with her, but now I've come to the conclusion that a) this is the way I am, and b) I've been very clear with her about my expectations. So for all you people that would say "if you love her enough, you'd wait," my response is this: I love myself too, and cannot remain in an unfulfilling relationship - it will just kill my spirit. Sorry for the length of this post. Any ideas anyone?
