How to start a conversation/how to choose when?

in Singles and Dating » Dating Tips and Advice • 3 years ago

Hi everyone, I have watched a lot of the Dan & Jennifer videos and read a few previous post. Most of the advice for starting a conversation is kind of situational and dosn't really help me.

The girl I have a crush on recently joined our school, from the beginning of term in september. I didn't really notice her until recently and have only had a crush on her for about a week or two. I have no classes, clubs or other oppurtunites to talk to her in a comfortable place, and at lunch/breaks everyone is in the "common room" and so it is very hard to find a time when she is by herself.

I have only ever been in one relationship, which was long distance, and you could say I have little experience with girls. I find it hard to start, continue and end converstaions with girls especially when alone or when I feel singled out. I think this may be because I find it hard to relate with them as I spend a lot of time with guys.

Everyone else in my year I know pretty well, most of them I have known since I was very young and have always been at the same school as them. I don't feel attracted to anyone else really because I already have certain types of relationships with them.

The only thing I really know about this girl is that she is very into art, mainly manga/cartoons, and that her mum is an artist for manga comics. I have never spoken to her before and this is my main problem: How do I start a relationship/friendship with her? What do I say? I have no idea what she does outside of school, and I am not sure how to find anything out. She does not live near me as she catches a bus after school which takes you away from the town centre. Also I think she may have moved from another town/city so no one knows about her relationship history.

I am also into art and consider myself pretty good, but because there are no art clubs at our school, or any lessons we share I cant really think of a way of getting across that I am an artistic person. The stage of education I am at now is focused on revision, and passing exams so there isn't many "fun" activities availble to my year group.

To summarise, I am looking for some advice about how to start a conversation (based around the facts above) and what I should do personally to make it easier for myself. Any other helpful advice would be appreciated, and I am not afraid of personal judgements, please be truthful and don't hold back.

Thanks a lot, really wanted to get this off my chest. :)

Replies(6)

joseph_r

Just pay attention.

3 years ago

Many time you can look at someone and just see what they like, you should try it. Do they have a button on their book bag with a band logo, strike up a conversation about that. If you live in the country like me, start a conversation about johndeere vs international (either you get it or you don't). I know what your talking about, just pick up slowly what she has interest, find things in common, get her attention by cracking a joke, just get yourself noticed, and invite her to do something that you would eventually both like to do, like go to a concert of a band you both like, or even just hang out with her after school.

alexstran..

Re: How to start a conversation/how to choose when?

3 years ago

"Hi, I'm Jason"

That's it. Ask her how she's doing, what classes she has, how the move was etc but just start by saying hi.

Imagine if that same girl came up to you and said "hi, my name is___" how would you feel? You wouldn't find it weird or anything like that, you would feel amazing. Keep that same frame in mind when you approach the girl.

You don't need anything special or amazing to approach her with if you aren't needy. Wanting to have something special is needy because you feel like you aren't enough to just go up and talk to her.

That and you want it to go well because you are attached to her. You have a fear of it going badly but it's that very fear that will cause the interaction to go badly.

Push past your fears and just approach her as you. If it goes badly, oh well there are plenty other girls out there.

Approach her and qualify her. Don't think of ways to get her to like you but how you feel about her. If you feel nervous, stop, breathe and ask if she is good enough for you.

Hope that helps

Cheers

jasonuk247

Re: How to start a conversation/how to choose when?

3 years ago

Hey again, thanks for the two replies, I have done a lot of the stuff already and have been thinking about the same kind of things e.g. fear etc.

I have thought of one thing to do, I could get a cinema timetable, find her at school, and say something like "Hey im jason, would you like to go to the cinema with me sometime?". If she says yes, I could suggest a time/choose a movie, or show her the timetable and ask if she sees one she likes. If she says no I'll just say something like "Oh ok, i'll see ya around then."

Questions:
:confused: Do you think its a ba/good idea to ask her out straight away without ever speaking to her first?

:confused: Should I change what I am planning to say for either situation, and how should I end the conversation if she says no?

:confused: Is the cinema a good choice for a first date?

:confused: If she says yes, should I suggest a time/choose a movie, or show her the timetable and ask if she sees one she likes?

Also any other opinions or very welcomed, and ask me any questions you want.

P.S. hoping for a reply from Dan&jennifer and I am 16 years old so I cant drive her anywhere.

Thanks, Jason.

joseph_r

Re: How to start a conversation/how to choose when?

3 years ago

The plan is good, but it does need some improvement. If you don't know her whatsoever, then it would be a little creepy, because of the fact you don't know her likes, and lets face it, almost every girl would say no if a complete stranger came up to them and said, want to go on a date? Like I said, get to know her, see what she likes, and just take it from there.

hot_alpha..

Stop over thinking too much

3 years ago

Originally posted by: JasonUK247

Questions:
:confused: Do you think its a ba/good idea to ask her out straight away without ever speaking to her first?

:confused: Should I change what I am planning to say for either situation, and how should I end the conversation if she says no?

:confused: Is the cinema a good choice for a first date?

:confused: If she says yes, should I suggest a time/choose a movie, or show her the timetable and ask if she sees one she likes?

Also any other opinions or very welcomed, and ask me any questions you want.

P.S. hoping for a reply from Dan&jennifer and I am 16 years old so I cant drive her anywhere.

Thanks, Jason.

Here is the thing.

You are thinking way too much.

I see that you want to go in with a plan .... but the ironic thing is that the more you preplan what you are going to say and the more you preplan what is going to happen the less chance you have in THAT moment to say whatever comes out of your mouth.

The more you say to yourself you dont want to drive her away. The more you are going to drive her away.

Coz she can smell this insecurity from a mile away.

So detach from the outcome, go with the flow, read a lot of the FREE information out there on how to approach and pick up women and you will be a lot better off =)

jasonuk247

Re: How to start a conversation/how to choose when?

3 years ago

Hmm yea, it does make sense and I was kinda thinking about that eariler, but it is very difficult to stop thinking about it. I guess i'll just wait and see, thanks all.

P.s. advice is still welcomed.