Ask Dan & Jennifer

I'm afraid I don't have any direct experience in this area, but I serve client's in the Lifestyle and I've educated myself through the available literature. Some people tell me that their lives have been greatly enhanced by the experiences but others have very negative experiences. I think the ones that had the negative experiences are the ones that didn't ask the questions you just did.

The first time I went down a whitewater river, I did it with someone who was extremely experienced. I think the same concept applies here. An experienced guide helps you avoid the danger areas and is there to help if you do get in trouble. An experienced person whom you trust can make the difference between a pleasurable learning experience and a miserable and tense experience. Now, I'm one of the experienced people who shows other people the river and helps them avoid the danger areas. From the people I've met in the swing community, they're generally very willing to be helpful. I bet if you ask a couple who is experienced they would be glad to help you and she feel comfortable. The horror-stories from swinging I know of generally happened when people were just trying it on their own and I kind of suspect an experienced couple could have averted the problems.

One way that experienced swingers recommend is having an experienced couple start the evening by interacting with each other. As people get more aroused, often couples begin to play with each other. Then the more experienced couples can draw other people into the experience.

Some of the literature basically makes it sound like group sex is the answer to all life's problems and has no risks. I really respect Dan and Jennifer's videos because they lay out the risks as well as the benefits. Society for Human Sexuality has some good information as well. I would steer you away from some of the books on the subject because they tend to be written by "salesmen" for the lifestyle.

I want to complement you on having the forethought to get information before you launch into this. Please let us know how it works out for you.

Thank you beagle, that was such a clear response, I will definitley let you know after this weekend.

Man, I hate to be the wet blanket here (not sure anyone'll believe it either) but hold that thought a moment.

Beagle's right on, most of the "horror stories" you hear are from people going in unprepared... and that can be said about most any topic, not just swinging. :-)

The best advice we can give a couple going to a swinger club for the first time is to go there and enjoy the music, have a few drinks, and get comfortable with the environment. And stop there.

Until you know the environment, know what to expect as far as people who frequent it, and get comfortable with the establishment in particular, I'd stay well away from any sexual activity. ESPECIALLY since you guys are very new to anything like that.

I know the idea is special for your birthday, which is awesome - so do it - but consider this a multi-step process because it is. So you and your wife go check out a couple of clubs over a few weekends, until you think you've got the "right" one. Then go there another time or two until you have some comfort level with what actually happens there.

Non-swingers think of swinger clubs as massive orgies, which is really in most cases very far from the truth. They're usually tamer than those crazy college bars and way safer on average, especially for the girls who in the swinger scene basically call the shots.

So, keep the excitement, and have fun with your wife on this... enjoy watching other couples get close, maybe even have sex of some sort, but stay your ground until you're comfortable and know what to expect.

Let us know what you think - maybe even you and your wife both - and write back to let us know how it went!

Here are some thoughts on this...

Public and Group Sex at A Swinger Club?