I dont find real guys attractive. My mother insists I need to "get out more."

in General and Off Topic Discussions » Suggestion Box / Request Hotline • 2 years ago

Well, first let me clarify a few things n.n'

When I said I dont find real guys attractive, it means that I am a lesbian. My mother nor any of my family knows this, they're very religious and Im afraid to upset them.
And not to mention, Im not 18 yet and the girl Im in love with [and shes very much in love with me, we do talk] lives a long ways.

As my username suggests, I like anime. As in, when it comes to guys, I don't like real guys. . .
I did try dating a guy one time, but I just didnt want to hold hands or kiss or do anything. . .relationshippy.

But yet, I create my own world [which yes, I do realize is just in my mind. But I like it better than real life] with a particular character Ive been in love with for over 3 years.
Our anniversary is 5th of Jan. This past year we were married shortly after.
Of course, there are things that go on over there [plots to the anime are sometimes the same, though me being there can sometims mess things up. Like a character that was supposed to die didnt somehow] and sometimes he doesnt have time for me.
I understand that, and it doesnt bother me, I still love him just as much.

Ive never liked the idea of living as an ordinary human, even when I was about 8, I always wished Pokemon were real. That was when I started creating my own worlds, which id stay in even during full consciousness.
Its very realistic, and one time I was even stabbed and I could have sworn I felt it, and the next few days my side hurt.

Since I was first interested in love, I always thought of whatever character I was into at the time.
It wasnt till I was about 12 that I took interest in the character Im into now, and weve been together ever since.

My mother seems to think Ive some sort of mental disorder.
I was even placed on medication at one point.

I admit that Im not social at all, but I have friends Ive met online that are a lot like me. As a matter of fact, my girlfriend is the same way and we dont mind each other having our own little worlds.
I was bullied continuously as a kid [another reason I dont have friends where I live, I dont click with anyone] and my parents divorced when I was in kindergarden or maybe first grade.

A few years ago, when I had a "real" boyfriend, he wound up cheating on me, but I found that I didnt care. It didnt bother me at all. If it had been the anime character that I love, I wouldve cried my eyes out.

Im very happy with him, I love him more than I believe I could ever love a guy here...I mean, I just dont get into guys here, and I only love a girl if shes sweet and kind.
For me its more about someones personality.

I realize that my fantasy world is just that, fantasy.
I love the girl Im with, and I have no desire for a relationship with a guy here.

I do, of course, have horomones, but I instead find that masturbation is easier for me. If I ever had sex here with a guy [I have had sex with the anime character Im with, obviously. Feels just as good over there, and I do not masturbate while Im there. If I did have sex here, Id regret it later. It just seems...rather disgusting to me personally.

No offense to anyone, but thats just how my minds always thought.

Anyways, my mother [and my father, too, though he tolerates the anime pics on my wall] thinks I should have sex now with a "real person" but I dont want to.
Im perfectly happy with my secret girlfriend [whos parents are fine with her being lesbian] and my anime husband, but I cant just tell my mother or father ever detail...

If they find out Im homosexual, I think they'd never forgive me.

Any help would be appreciated, thank you for your time very much. :)

Replies(8)

Beagle

Re: I dont find real guys attractive. My mother insists I need to "get out more."

2 years ago

AnimeGirl: Do you have some form of autism, such as Asperger's Syndrome?

animegirl

Re: I dont find real guys attractive. My mother insists I need to "get out more."

2 years ago

Originally posted by: Beagle
AnimeGirl: Do you have some form of autism, such as Asperger's Syndrome?

Id never heard of that, but I read about it after you suggested it could apply to me, and most of the symptoms do.

Not only reptitive ineterests, but also the face that my nonverbal skills are horrible but Ive always been gifted with English. Ive even been asked for the honors class, but Im kinda lazy so I preferred the regular class.

Im horrible at Algebra and so far havent even passed algebra 1 :/

I do lack the want for any kind of "real" relationship, other than with my girlfriend, but we actually met on an anime site. I do care deeply for her, but as for wanting relationships [not all romanitc, friendships I mean] with schoolmates or such.
I do lack empathy for others as well :/

And also, I do have a slight speech impediment so I suppose I could have Aspergers Syndrome, but my mother, whenever Ive told her even in a joking manner that Im "messed up" shell say something like "No your not, and dont say that! Your just like everyone else!"

I believe she might be in denial that Im differant. She always wanted a stereotypical teenager :/

Xero

Re: I dont find real guys attractive. My mother insists I need to "get out more."

2 years ago

There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian. If your parent's don't like it that's too bad, if your not conferable with telling them then don't it's almost none of their business.

If I where you I would be very careful with the online relationship. It could be some one just being an imposer. Just putting it out there so you don't get hurt, and if you ever meet them, go with someone you can trust to meet a person from the internet.

Your imaginable world is a bit concerning, but you stating :

Originally posted by: AnimeGirl

I realize that my fantasy world is just that, fantasy.
I love the girl Im with, and I have no desire for a relationship with a guy here.

Seems to me that you understand the difference which is good. Just don't let it get too out of hand and affect how you act and make good decisions in the real world.

Just don't let your parents force you to have sex now, it will ruin the experience for you. I'm amazed that they said that because you said they are religious. That's not very religious considering your supposed to wait until marriage.

I think this response is a bit offenceive I don't mean it to be this way. I'm just trying to answer your questions and state some things that I see.

Beagle

Re: I dont find real guys attractive. My mother insists I need to "get out more."

2 years ago

Originally posted by: AnimeGirl
Id never heard of that, but I read about it after you suggested it could apply to me, and most of the symptoms do.

Not only reptitive ineterests, but also the face that my nonverbal skills are horrible but Ive always been gifted with English. Ive even been asked for the honors class, but Im kinda lazy so I preferred the regular class.

Im horrible at Algebra and so far havent even passed algebra 1 :/

I do lack the want for any kind of "real" relationship, other than with my girlfriend, but we actually met on an anime site. I do care deeply for her, but as for wanting relationships [not all romanitc, friendships I mean] with schoolmates or such.
I do lack empathy for others as well :/

And also, I do have a slight speech impediment so I suppose I could have Aspergers Syndrome, but my mother, whenever Ive told her even in a joking manner that Im "messed up" shell say something like "No your not, and dont say that! Your just like everyone else!"

I believe she might be in denial that Im differant. She always wanted a stereotypical teenager :/

AnimeGirl: I think you need to talk to your school counselor. They are in a really good position to help in situations like this. After reading your post, I think you are going to need more that I can give you on an internet forum. Ask your counselor if he or she thinks you might have Asperger's.

willywonk..

Re: I dont find real guys attractive. My mother insists I need to "get out more."

2 years ago

Try to open your eyes. The world and people around it are full of colors and characters, just like the anime world. Don't let it blanket you completely and start embracing reality. Masturbating is not all that bad but don't just be content with it all your life, because there's much more to life than pleasuring yourself alone and hiding in your own special place. :)

bijane

If you're happy...

2 years ago

If you're happy with your anime boyfriend, good for you. It might not be the norm nowadays but really, what is? I doubt many people have found a perfect romantic partner, but it sounds like you have.
If your parents aren't happy about you being a lesbian, then don't tell them. Obviously, you already know that. They can't live your life for you. Be happy with your anime husband; if he's real to you then he's real full stop. No one can deny that.

slittylic..

Re: I dont find real guys attractive. My mother insists I need to "get out more."

2 years ago

You are what you are...learn to love yourself and accept yourself for who and what you are.
It doesn't matter what others think and if it does, don't tell them.
Whatever feels right for you is what's most important. Don't try to change yourself for other people. You'll be living a lie with this one life you've been given.

shaunk

Re: I dont find real guys attractive. My mother insists I need to "get out more."

2 years ago

I can fully understand why others would consider your behavior "abnormal", however I don't believe it requires medication or therapy (unless I missed my mark). It's more of a need of a wake-up call. What you have going on here is simply a high degree of escapism. That is, you escape from the real world through imagination and fantasy, which in itself isn't a bad thing if dealt with properly. I've always been considered an "escapist", and I often will deal with stress by "escaping" into movies, or books, or video games. HOWEVER I do not ignore my problems or issues. Instead of letting things get to me, or annoy me, I escape to let myself calm down, relieve my stress, and then I can go back and face them with a clear head and apply logical thinking to solve them instead of rash emotional response.

Your problems seem to stem more from putting too much into your escapism than most. You desperately want to be a part of these pretend imaginary fantasy worlds than the real world. Not that I blame you, I wouldn't mind taking a stroll through Middle Earth myself, but it's all about balance. You have to immerse yourself into the real world too.

What I would suggest for this, is find people who share your interests in Anime, or whatever else you may be into, and make friends with them. As you spend more time together, you will begin doing other social activities which will help ground you better to the real world. Also just limiting yourself will help as well, don't spend as much time with the anime or video games or whatever as you normally might, you could be suffering addiction, which could in turn be complicating this.

As to your sexual preference, it's difficult to say. Many guys in Anime tend to be very effeminate and submissive, or dominating, perverse, and masculine, there is hardly ever a normal balance present, and as is evidenced by the drawing style, anime focuses on the extreme, both in terms of over-exaggerated physical traits, and over the top caricatures. My guess is that your sexuality is not really centered around a gender as much as it is a role. You probably are attracted to a specific type, such as effeminate or masculine (I'm guessing the former). Due to Japanese culture which most anime is based around, the guys in anime are depicted often as effeminate and socially awkward, which you may be able to identify with, and also have their sexual desires repressed in such a way as to feel extreme guilt at even the simplest of acts, like masturbation, and feel very ashamed of themselves, presenting what appears to be a sexual innocence.

It's difficult to know for sure what you're attracted to without you saying what traits you look for.

My best suggestion though is before worrying about anything else, throw yourself into the real world, it can be just as equally fascinating and fun if you just find the right interest.

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