control...
you have the ability to put your limmits on what you would allow in your personal relationships.
you however, can not control all the actions and behaviours of another person.
it sounds like you should have listened to your natural instinct, and not dated her becuase she didn't fit your criteria.
if you honeslty love her, then i am trully sorry that your relationship started out with contolling behaviour issues, like smoking. she gave up smoking for you. as a back lash, it created the friction in your relationship.
loving someone is accepting them for whom they are regardless of their behaviours. you should have encouraged her to quit via health concerns, but you never should have made it a issue to her.
it would probably be best if you gave her space. you both need a fresh approach on your relationship. time would allow you both to cool off and reflect one and anothers personal oppinions. it would be great for both of you to forgive eachother for the problems each of you have gone through. after forgiving eachother, you will be able to see where your relationship may go... together or seperate ways...
good luck